Mary’s “christ is coming” egg

humpty dumpty

Mary Bateman was a disciple of Joanna Southcote, the woman who proclaimed in 1792 that she would be giving birth to the Second Messiah. This momentous event never happened but it didn’t stop followers like Mary from believing that the possession of a “Southcote Seal” would ensure a trip straight to heaven.

looking good for jesus

Mary owned a hen which laid eggs inscribed with religious messages such as “Christ is coming”. She also had a bad habit of defrauding people and attempting to poison them when they stopped paying up. One unlucky victim was Rebecca Perigo from whom she extracted a large sum of money as well as other interesting items

“a goose, two pair of men’s shoes, a goose pie, a tea caddy, two pillow slips, sixty pounds of butter, two or three hundred eggs, a pair of black silk stockings, a piece of beef and three bottles of spirits.

PenisGoose

Mary, who became known as the Yorkshire Witch, was tried and hung for the murder of Rebecca Perrigo. Such was the morbid fascination with her that the hospital which dissected her body charged 3d  each to 2,500 people who came to view her remains. They also had her skin tanned and pieces distributed as souvenirs.

Mary_Bateman_skeleton

Mary’s body is preserved to this day at the Thackray Medical Museum. There is no truth to the rumour that her special hen absconded with the Southcote Seal…..

purgatory


Published in: on July 5, 2009 at 7:22 am  Comments (26)  

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26 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Penis Goose?

  2. Mary sounds like our next door neighbor.

  3. Many years ago, I shared a painting studio with a fellow who liked to collect religious paraphenalia – things like Pope lighters and Pope coasters and like that. One day, he heard on the news that there was a guy in Quebec who had a statue that bled every day. Well, my friend was all set to charter a bus and get 30 or so people to go on a pilgrimage to Quebec to prove the existence of God in our lifetime. Imagine his chagrin when it was reported that the guy with the bleeding statue was a fraud.

  4. Sad desperation ….. would never have happened if the internet had been invented earlier …..

    [I’m sure the skeleton was waving at me!!!]

  5. If a little egg says “Christ is coming,” then I sppose a little sperm woud say he awready did, right?

  6. What happened to her legs?

    I know she had legs at one stage, on account of the pair of black stockings she extorted out of Perigo. Now i’m wonderin’ where them legs is gone.

    • haha gullybogan and joe – you guys crack me up

  7. Yeah, you’d be looking for Jesus. It’s the least you can do for the guy.

  8. “Jesus is coming”… so what does he say? “Oh, Dad… OH DAD!”

    • Jesus is coming… be prepared to swallow.

  9. Can we go back to the Penis Goose? Why is he pleased?
    I got it.. the penis goose has a huge, elephantine (not to mix animals here) penis and Mary wanted that for her personal uses.. the goose got to ‘do’ Mary and hence was pleased? Rebecca, who was actually in love w/ the goose protested out of jealousy and Mary was forced to murder her.. having been fucked by the goose at that point and realizing how wonderful this goose was!

    • you should be writing children’s fairy tales… no, wait… maybe not….

  10. My omelet spoke to me this morning but I misunderstood the message.

  11. @Nessa– It whispered, “psst… Penis goose. Pass it on.”

  12. My hen gave birth to the third christ, at penis geese for breakfast, could sing and dance, had a stand up comedy routine that was killer, and always made sure she hid the bodies well.

    Just saying…

    • “ate” penis geese for breakfast…

      sigh.

  13. The Second Coming of Christ won’t happen until the refractory period is over.

    • Huh…. you guys and your refractory periods…..

    • Its calld “reloading”.

  14. People never believe me either when I claim chickens abscond with my stuff.

    • I believe every word you say Alex

      • Probably not a wise move Nurse…

  15. “Jesus is coming” said the sign on the side of a church in Darlinghurst about 20 years ago, with “Wear a rain coat” spray painted just below. Hee hee!

    • hello spinach pie – fancy seeing you here xx

  16. That’s exactly what they should do with Bernie Madoff. I’d gladly buy a piece of his tanned meat.

  17. I want to know how the “Looking Good Jesus Fix-it Kit” will repair my reputation.


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