Noble advice

Back in 1911, Noble Eberhart used high frequency currents to cure many ailments

Amenorrhea. That the high frequency current when applied through the vagina sometimes has an emmenagogue effect has been noted by several authors. As the current determines an increased amount of blood to the area treated, its employment in absence of the menses would appear reasonable. The technique is the use of the insulated vaginal tube for seven minutes, three to six times a week, and in connection with, the application of a spark to the lower part of the spine for from three to six minutes. Another method is to use the bi-polar Tesla treatment two or three times a week.


Arteriosclerosis and High Blood Pressure. This is the regime recommended by two German specialists: “Two cigars daily, separately. Coffee, three-fourths milk, or dekafa. Chocolate. No tea. No Turkish baths. Swimming all right. Horse-back riding; slow horse. Slow golf. Automobiling all right. No stairs; no strain; no hurry.

slow horse

Asthma. The treatment of asthma may be by vacuum tube applications so that a powerful effleuve or fine sparks will fall upon the chest.
The vacuum tube should be used with as sharp a spark as the patient will permit and is conveniently applied through the underclothing. Mechanical vibration is especially useful in connection with high frequency. A cure should not be expected.


Brain Fag. “Brain Fag” has come to represent a condition just one step removed from complete nervous prostration. It is common in business men. The favorite prescription has been a complete change of scene, such as a sea voyage. This treatment is not always possible, and much may be accomplished by the use of high frequency currents, ozone, and mechanical vibration.


Fissure (Anal). So many reports of successful results in anal fissure have been made that there seems to be no doubt of its efficacy. It has always been my opinion that as much benefit was derived from the stretching of the parts as from the healing effect of the current.

Gray Hair. I discovered, accidentally, the action which these currents have in restoring the natural color to gray hair. The chief drawback to the treatment is that it may have to be kept up for months and months.

Seminal Emissions. For nocturnal emissions sparks to the lower part of the spine are advised, followed by a seven-minute treatment of the seminal vesicles by means of the rectal tube.

Do Not Worry

Readers who’ve been with me a while know I used this illustration a couple of years ago but I couldn’t resist raiding my own archives for this post

Published in: on July 18, 2009 at 7:51 am  Comments (32)  

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32 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Anal fissures and seminal emissions… Not really the first topic of conversation you want to read about after a heavy neet on the pish.

    Thanks for that! I’m just gonnae nip to the toilet.. I may be some time.

  2. yeah, don’t stretch anything delicate Jimmy

  3. I just love the expression on that lads face lol 😉

    • He’s a honey isn’t he?

  4. I quite often feel a brain fag coming on …

    • I recommend the mechanical vibration cure

  5. “Two cigars daily, separately.” I guess I’ve been doing wrong.

  6. “…Horse-back riding; slow horse…”

    that’ll cure much of what ails ya…

  7. I hate to imagine how FJ has been using the two cigars at once, since he’s a man. Presumably.

    Thank you for a post I could read with my teenager in the vicinity. I’ve become quite the adept scroller while reading your site.

    And for the record, amenorrhea doesn’t have to be a bad thing, though the treatment does sound intriguing. Was it developed by William S. Burroughs? A spark to the spine, flash bulbs of whatever?

    And I have to add that I’m totally jealous about your hair. I made the mistake of asking my husband if I could do some fun colors and he flatly refused. I forgot that it’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.

    • Yes to that forgiveness over permission thing. I was still married when I decided to get my nipple pierced and I KNEW my then-husband would have all sorts of objections simply because he considered himself “Head of the Household” who had to have a say in all decision making.

      Anyway, after the initial explosion he decided he liked it. Not that I’m suggesting you colour your hair or anything….. 😉

  8. I know some people with Brain Fag.

  9. I think I’ll call out of work on Monday with a case of brain fag. Hopefully I’ll spend that day applying myself with high frequency to a vagina.

  10. I find it curious that he has no use for these electrical currents when it comes to broken male parts. That is where one would assume it would work the best.

    • If you click the link you’ll find he does have a suggestion for that too 🙂

  11. i couldn’t wait to get to the comments section on this post. there is a lot to comment about and you have some very funny readers here… “emmenagogue”?, whew! had to look that word up. this is really fascinating stuff NM!

  12. Amazing that they felt it better to zap you than simply enjoy the wet dream.

  13. Slow golf sounds as though it might suit me ….. if someone will carry my bag ……

  14. No Turkish baths?! Fuck that, man! What kind of cure it that?! Although, I might look into the gray hair thing. I’m a little premature. I hate it when I’m premature.

  15. Uh….is this the place I’m supposed to go for the puppeteer position?

    Because if so, you should probably know that I only have experience using socks and the odd marionette…

    • Your interview is at 9:00 am Monday. Turn up with a handful of S8 drugs and the job is yours!

  16. Ah yes, the emmenagogue effect. First documented Theodoric of York, medieval barber and leech farmer.
    Alas, electricity and water being what they are, applying it to the leeches proved to be his undoing.

  17. “Brain fag”…the proper terminology for my diminished cognition over the years has eluded me (I had been calling it brain fog for so long…I’m not even sure I can differentiate the two at this juncture). In Yiddish, this would be referred to as a faygelah kop. My teenage daughters would just call it ‘ghey’. Does the Gimcrack have an elixir for this malady (flavored, of course)?

  18. “Do Not Worry.” heh.

    Looks like someone’s relieved, and very happy to wash his own bedsheets in preparation for his late morning nap. And his early afternoon nap. And his nap before suppertime. And his after-dinner nap. And…

    What a Happy Boy.

  19. Actually, nowadays they use electrical currents to induce amenorrhea. Just ask Daisy Fae.


  21. I often endure nocturnal seminal emissions, but luckily there is usually someone there to receive them.

  22. Rectal tubing doesn’t sound like nearly as much fun as White Water River Tubing.

  23. Gee I thought “Do Not Worry” was an ad for a hairpiece!

    Something wrong with that haircut! (Let alone that shit eating grin).

    The King

  24. Why would we want to treat amenorrhea again??? :p

    Oh and could this brilliant technique double-up as a vibrator?

  25. Hmmm, I’m a business man suffering from ‘brain fag’… now do I choose a sea cruise, or electro shock treatment… ah decisions decisions.

  26. One of the guys in my hotdesk barn is a brain fag, i’m sure of it.

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