let us be gay

armless wonder

In 1941, the Right Reverend Bishop of Fulham, Staunton Batty, wrote this letter to The Times

“Sir,

A few weeks ago I was given official advice as to what action to take in a gas attack. I was recommended to put both my hands in my pockets and if I carried an umbrella to put it up.

parasols

This morning the President of the Board of Trade told me on the wireless that if I should find myself without any clothes owing to a ‘blitz’ I should appear before the Local Assistance Board and demand coupons. It is puzzling, but, as Mr A P Herbert has laid down, “Let us be gay”.

gay slant

Perhaps this was the type of umbrella the Board of Trade was recommending

UFO_Cap_Umbrella


"You can use it for climbing a mountain, fishing, working in the rain, cars, student, children, sightseeing and agriculture. There is an elasticity band with looks like a round shape in a lower part. So you can enjoy pretty wide space and your pants will not be wet.'
There's also the ingenious doggie umbrella. I know YnB could use one of these.
doggie_umbrella
Or the Unbreakable Umbrella which has the added advantage of not being considered a weapon, therefore you can take it through security checks.
umbrella_stand
The Unbreakable Umbrella works just as well as a walking stick or cane but does not make you look funny or feel awkward. Whacks just as strong as a steel pipe but it weighs only 775 g. Unbreakable Umbrella frames are warranted not to break under normal use (no throwing it under a heavy truck or a train, no chopping it with an axe, no banging it with a hammer, no throwing it into a wood chipper, no setting it on fire, or subjecting to other abuses).
dr poulet 1880

Published in: on September 28, 2009 at 5:53 am  Comments (34)  

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34 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. ‘Or the Unbreakable Umbrella which has the added advantage of not being considered a weapon, therefore you can take it through security checks.’

    Is it bad that part really peaked my interest.

  2. I’ve just left a comment about a different type of peak on your blog alex…..

    • Barrels and broken bones or burning… not much of a choice is it. Maybe we’ll leave it to the drunk people.

  3. Well if he is going to be naked, I vote the clear plastic umbrella, without doubt!

  4. I presume by “Gay Shout” you are referring to the actions of a certain relative during our date on saturday night. He’s not doing much to avoid clichés about hysterical behaviour…

    Nice to know he cares though.

    And thanks for the meal as well. I’m still imagining you will make a fine handmaiden.

    Toodle Pip

    The King

    • cheeky 😉

      • My middle name…

        The King

  5. I want the unbreakable umbrella; it’ll be perfect to ward off those sudden gypsy knife attacks. And I’d like the doggy umbrella for myself, if they make one man size. It would keep the damn mosquitoes and flies away too!

    On a watery side-note- My wife bought her miniature dachshund a doggy life vest when we lived in Florida and were getting slammed by hurricanes. Dachshunds can’t swim because of their long body and tiny midget legs. They sell everything for dogs.

  6. The “Foreign Bodies of the Vagina” list was easily overlooked but not easily forgotten, once perused. I can understand the urge to pomade, but for the love of yahweh take it out of the box. Please.

    Del Ekatissue

    • “box” is a euphemism for vagina in Australia…. is it the same in your neck of the woods Mr Issue?

      • I have heard talk of such but of course I am older and have gotten around. In the forest of experience I consider myslef to be a Box Elder.

        Dan Drologist

  7. speaking of ‘foreign bodies in the vagina’? if i can successfully convince Mr. Jackman that he wants me, would that count?

  8. I want one of those umbrellas the kid is wearing. Do they come in big sizes?

  9. I found that Unbreakable Umbrella online some time back and nearly bought it as a Christmas present for my Albino Ex, who is big on self defense. Then I pictured him hovering over the weather forecast praying for rain so he could carry the Unbreakable Umbrella, and thought better of it.

  10. What a nice comfortable read. At least until I reached that very scary list – how am I expected to sleep now?

  11. I could use the yellow hood umbrella to keep certain people out of my personal space. Sort of like a construction cone.

  12. How do you raise, let alone hold, an umbrella if both your hands are in your pockets. I can see it if the umbrella is the kind the child has–it’s self supporting–but shouldn’t the head be the most important part worth covering . . .

    So many questions, so little marijuana . . .

  13. Im against umbrellas.

    I dont wanna live in a world where no one evr gets wet.

    • Ah Joey you’re such a softie

  14. as you can imagine living with Trippin’ Rip, i’ve had many gas attacks. Usually though, i just make him leave the room.

  15. Exactly what type of gas attack are we speaking of here? If it’s the type Lynn is referring to, unfortunately no umbrella would help.

    Simon says, “Thank you very much Nurse Myra, but I think the yellow slicker is humiliating enough.” 😉

  16. Any advice on a self-inflicted gas attack Nursey? ….. I’m asking for a friend obviously ……

  17. I don’t think they’d let you on a plane with an umbrella with a samurai sword handle, like this one…
    http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/japanfan/b625/

    You know, if I’m going to carry an umbrella with a samurai sword handle, there’d better be a damn sword inside it.

    Also, you’re allowed to take umbrellas, canes, coins, and pens onto planes. All can be used as weapons. So can magazines.

    • I clicked the link RF. You can keep your Samurai Sword Handle Umbrella, I’ll take the Butterfly Knife Styled Space Pen

  18. Umbrellas always get the name checks while it’s poor but glamorous cousin the parasol continues to be ignored. A shame really… 😉

    • My alter ego: Nice spelling on “it’s” Truitt!

      Me: I know. I’m shamed. Really…

      • you may have just blown the interview

      • Oh man! …And the shame cycle is complete!

  19. Love the letters to the editor and the like that you have had on here recently. 🙂 Too funny!

  20. I am so gay right now

    • As gay as Joey?

      😉

  21. Bless the Right Reverend Bishop and bless all Proper Englishman and their “Sir,…” letters.

    ps. very keen on that contraption for the Royal Kennels.

  22. unbreakable unbrellas sound like something I could have used while filming that Mark Wahlberg flick. It was raining nonstop.

  23. There was a song on the radio today from the 1920 & the woman sang that she was as gay as a daisy.
    Love the great idea for the doggy umbrella. Dixie our poodle could do with one of those


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