save me from unexpected embarrassment

revolt

Edward Leedskalin is most famous for building Coral Castle in Miami, Florida. He also wrote five pamphlets on subjects as diverse as magnets and moral education. We love our pamphleteers at the Gimcrack

“All girls below sixteen should be brand new. If a girl below sixteen cannot be called brand new any more, it is not the girl’s fault; the mamma is to blame! It is the mamma’s duty to supervise the girl to keep those fresh boys away.

what kind of mother

In case the girl’s mamma thinks that there is a boy somewhere who needs experience, then she, herself, could pose as an experimental station for that fresh boy to practice on and so save the girl.

playdoll

The first degree love making is when the fresh boy begins to soil the girl by patting, rubbing and squeezing her. They start it in that way but soon it begins to get dull and there is no kick in it, so they have to start in on the second degree and keep on.

first base

cartoon from here

Children should not be encouraged to smile too much, smiling in due time will produce creases in the sides of their mouths. It would be better to save the smiles till they are grown up.

smiling

In case one leg is shorter and one shoulder lower, they can be disguised so that other people would not notice it. In walking the toes should be carried a little out, by carrying the toes out one can walk better. Shorter steps would make the walking more graceful and those who stoop over, higher heels would help to keep the body more erect.

how to look up a girl's skirt

Everybody should be trained not to go out anywhere before somebody else has examined them to see if everything is all right. It would save many people from unexpected embarrassment.

cowgirls


Published in: on September 29, 2009 at 8:08 am  Comments (36)  

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  1. ‘In case the girl’s mamma thinks that there is a boy somewhere who needs experience, then she, herself, could pose as an experimental station for that fresh boy to practice on and so save the girl’

    Edward just might have been the greatest thinker of his time…

  2. I heart the expression “Brand New”.

    When me and Princess were first going out, a cousin decided (or was told) to give me The Talk – seeing as how he was married and knew The Ways of the World and all – and he opened his presentation with a matter-of-fact enquiry as to whether Princess was “Brand New” or not.

    You can imagine how The Talk proceeded from that point on.

  3. All very sage advice. Where are these wise fellows now-a-days?

  4. Seeing my finely-honed skills of seduction described as “soiling” is no way to start my morning. It’s not right. But I DO like being called a fresh boy.

  5. I want me a pair of them feathery pants. I also wants me a pair of them fillies in them feathery pants. Are they the prototype Indigo Girls from days of sepia photography? Yee-haa, Mama!

  6. what is that woman in the colorful middle picture doing? those white boxes on the walls? what are they? why is she dancing with towels? pushing a stick around on the floor? huh?

    • It’s all a bad dream daisyfae. just ignore her and she’ll go away.

  7. Shouldn’t that have been 18? Me thinks Edward robbed liked to rob the cradle since his special number was 16. Didn’t he know there was a law for men like him.

  8. With eagerness, I poured over the diagram of sexual advancement as a baseball analogy as this has long been an area of confusion for me. I immediately became suspicious of this one, as Janeane Garofalo should obviously be in left field, not right. The cliche designation of anal sex as “foul ball” I do not quibble with. However it is placed here just off thrid while I am certain it should be positioned in the bull pen. I’m left thinking that I will just stick with my good old standby, the volleyball analogy, where the meaning of the bump, set and spike shine through as clear beacons to seekers on the playing fields of the “lubricated sciences.”

    Walter “Big Train” Johnson

  9. Sounds like our doughty pamphleteer gave a lot of thought to that patting, rubbing and squeezing thing.

  10. Is this how MILF’s came about?

  11. I certainly discouraged my children from smiling ….. I tried to make their lives as miserable as possible ….. I think I succeeded *preens*

  12. The gypsies have an almost full-proof system for deeming whether the bride-to-be is brand new or not. And I’ll bet their mothers voluntarily offer themselves to the fresh boys. The boys however rarely take them up on the offer.

    I’ve seen Coral Castle and it is truly amazing!

  13. Not evrything gets dull durin th pattin, rubbin, & squeezin …

    … and I considr myself lucky when theres no kick in it.

    • I wouldn’t kick you Joey

  14. embarrassment is so embarrassing

  15. I just new I had a special role in life as a mother 😀

  16. I never knew disaster areas were so much fun.

    The first, second, home base etc. cartoon reminds of Meatloaf’s great song.

    • What a fanciful imagination old Meatloaf had, I mean really, picture him as a schoolboy – what schoolgirl would accompany our rotund hero to the lake in a car?

      Preposterous

      The King

  17. This “Companion” magazine intrigues the hell out of me. I’m going to assume they no longer publish it, or i’d be subscribing. And taking it to the park, so the “Martha Stewart Living” women would see it, judge me, and not talk to me.

  18. i stumbled across xkcd.com some time ago… great site. had me giggling for hours….

  19. I think I got lost somehow.

    This guy sounds so not normal.

  20. Wow, I did not know were supposed to do that, I want to go back to high school!

  21. The Base Metaphor Explained is the best thing I’ve seen so far today.

    I’ll try and keep my kids from smiling. Shouldn’t be too difficult…

  22. I think that Japanese skirt-peeping thing only works if the dude is real short. Or if there are quite a lot of stairs. Like twenty of them.

  23. A wonderful post.

    “Children should not be encouraged to smile too much, smiling in due time will produce creases in the sides of their mouths.”

    It also raises expectations for a happy life and we can’t have that!

    • No we can’t!

  24. soil me! soil me!
    before i soil myself.

  25. Depending on the task, the modern woman should change her frock between duties such as to keep them presentable for when her husband returns home. The modern woman should also have a variety of aprons to wear to compliment her daily wardrobe in case the husband arrives home early.

    The modern woman is also advised to wash her wardrobe and aprons by hand on a daily basis such that her husband don’t be comin’ home from the field and be findin’ you all stinky and shit.

    This was common sense in the 1940s and ’50s, but it seems that some mothers have neglected to properly instruct their daughters on this obvious necessity.

  26. Yes! Prevent children from smiling.

    “In case the girl’s mamma thinks that there is a boy somewhere who needs experience, then she, herself, could pose as an experimental station for that fresh boy to practice on and so save the girl.”

    This could be interesting.

    • Go to France…

      The King

      • I will be…..

  27. […] [Found at Nurse Myra's Place.] […]


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