lean over and spread ’em

guilty hands

When it’s time to move your bowels, what crosses your mind? How about “Gee, I wish I had a buttock spreader installed in this toilet”.

“The invention aims to facilitate defaecation for the user in a simple, comfortable manner and preventing soiling in the area around the anus when defaecating. Means which are actuated by the weight of the user are provided for spreading the buttocks of the user during the defaecation process”

buttock spreader

Or perhaps you’d prefer a Flatulence Collector like this one patented by Leakey Colin

“The device comprising a gas-tight collecting tube 10 for insertion into the rectum of the subject and retaining means comprising a pair of O rings locatable in the subject’s inter-sphincter groove, for retaining the device in the subject providing a gas-tight seal. The end of the tube inserted into the subject is apertured and covered with a gauze filter to prevent the ingress of solid matter.’

flatulence collector

Here’s another addition to your toilet that could come in handy if you doubt the need of a buttock spreader but the skid mark on your underwear says otherwise.

The hygenique

The Hygenique(r) Personal Hygiene Mirror offers individuals an independent and dignified means of examining their own anal area.

But the pick of the bunch must surely be the Toilet Forehead Support. If you’re worried about your ability to kneel while chundering up those two dozen beers followed by a couple of whiskey chasers then surely this is the perfect appliance for you.

toilet forehead support

If this has piqued your interest in toilets then you should also check out the Museum of Toilets in New Delhi here

Published in: on October 1, 2009 at 8:22 am  Comments (40)  

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40 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. So many useful devices!!! …. going to search EBAY immediately ……. whooooooosh

  2. O-rings are so dangerous. Weren’t they blamed for the Challenger shuttle disaster?

    • cold ones. ambient temperature dropped near freezing and they failed… in general? they’re often quite nice to have around. not sure i’d put one up my bum, though…

  3. The width to which some people will go!

  4. I bet my husband would love that forehead support.

    • Damn! You’ve just missed Father’s Day too

  5. Thanks for the tip.

    • You’re welcome Woeful 🙂

  6. As always, a good bunch of new posts, Nurse.
    And I look forward to tomorrow’s photos.

    • Hope you’re posting some new photos soon 25BAR, no excuses now that you’ve got a new camera

      • It ain’t new. It was manufactured in 1957 🙂

  7. What do you recommend if the shitter is full?

  8. “dignified means of examining their own anal area.” What? grabbing your ankles in front of a wall mirror whilst peeking between your own thighs isn’t dignified?

  9. ‘Leakey Colon’ or Colin or whatever…. surely you’re taking the piss, or something else.

    Incidentally, I used to frequent a pub in Manchester (UK) that had a forehead rest abopve the urinals. The Flea and Firkin (I kid you not) on Oxford Road wasa wondrous establishment – an old cinema, with no carpets, church pews for seats, and more good beer than you knew what to do with.

    It’s gone now… revamped under some damnfool name, and kitted out to cater for modern students.

    • That wasn’t a head rest…that was where they stored the urinal cakes.

  10. The Flea and Firkin? What a fabulous name!

  11. People’s fascination with their own and other people’s butts never ceases to fascinate me. I wonder if the spreader would prevent ‘roids. Could be a selling point.

    PS. Please check your reader if you are not seeing new posts for me. It seems my feed address changed while I was gone. I am posting daily. And most importantly, Rabbit, Rabbit!

  12. Correcktion: It was Squeaky Colin who inventd th fart-sack.

  13. That flatulence collector would make a great fuel alternative. When released the person takes off like a bat outta hell!

  14. Sorry, as far as I’m concerned, I’m going to just let it rip instead of shoving a pipe up my ass. Sorry if this offends anyone (i.e. the guy who invented the collector).

    Thomas 🙂

  15. I was about to buy the hygiene mirror, but then I read this:

    ***For health reasons we are unable to accept returns or exchanges of hygiene products***

    I only buy personal hygiene products that offer me a full money back guarantee…

  16. Frat boys the world over are clamoring for that forehead rest.

  17. Man I could really use that toilet forehead leaning devise thing. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come out of the bathroom with the pattern of the tiles tattooed on my forehead. And doesn’t everyone just spread their cheeks when they sit down. The porcelain seems to work for me.

  18. LOL Buttock spreaders…. I’ve a few of those….. they’re called gentleman callers

  19. Japan makes the best toilets. They have seat warmers and a little arm comes out and sprays water in your bum, then it blasts hot air to dry it. And they might have internet access too.

  20. When it’s time to move your bowels, what crosses your mind? How about “Gee, I wish I had a buttock spreader installed in this toilet”…. erm NO!!!

    I am in total awe at the research you do for the benefit of your readership lol 🙂

  21. I want to go in Japan. I mean to Japan, I want to go to Japan.

    Nippsy Ponner

  22. Why would one pay for a buttocks spreader when you hands work just as well?

  23. I always like how you illustrate your text. Love the guilty hands pic next to buttock spreader info.

    • Did you see I used your photos for my belated Friday corset shots today?

  24. Oh, no thank you. I will pass on this. Who sat around to think of such horrible contraptions?

  25. Nursie, you lurch towards genius with every post.

    • Does that make me Madame Lurch?

  26. That forehead support would be ace for the middle of the night pee-boner, it would cut down on a lot of splatter while leaving both hands free to direct willy.

  27. The toilets in Japan have always awed me, but now I am amazed that they don’t have a forehead rest as well. Maybe it is a pull out tucked into the wall that I have never noticed?

  28. At last…”an independent and dignified means of examining your own anal area.”

    No more having to ask strangers on the bus to take a look tell you what the Hell is going on back there.

  29. Um, yeah. Actually, we were built to squat. If you squat, there should be virtually no “excess material” left behind. Plus, the added benefit of fewer hemorrhoids.

    The invention of butt cheek spreaders only became necessary because of Mr. John’s invention of the “modern” toilet.

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