Letter to The Times part 3

Millicent by Sargent

Millicent, Duchess of Sutherland was a great society beauty, playwright and social reformer who was painted by Sargent. She also worked as a Red Cross nurse during the first World War.

p944ws

Later she amused herself by writing letters to the Times

“Sir,

Why in heaven’s name are our police forbidden to chew gum? The steadying effect on the nerves and the greater efficiency provoked by chewing gum is a question of public knowledge.

bubblegumdoris

I have proved this on long motor runs and exhausting journeys. I encourage my chauffeur to chew gum: he is always fresher at the end of a long excursion than if he smoked cigarettes.

Driver-Race-Car

This perpetual interference in England in minor details with the liberty of the subject, whether he be prince or policeman, seems absurd. Please give the metropolitan policeman back his gum and merely ask him to be careful where he emits it.”

July 3, 1928

Millicent wasn’t the only one in favour of chewing gum. The Japanese don’t just like its steadying effect, they appreciate its effect on men’s blood flow and women’s breast tone

“Suplitol Tongkat Ali Gum is superbly compounded from herbs, arginine, minerals, zinc, and magnesium which are all involved in the formation of male hormones.  This is a gum produced for men who wish to remain young, strong, and virile for a lifetime.  Increase your testosterone naturally and get back that sexual performance you had when you were younger.

anonymous

A chewing gum which contains extracts from the Pueraria mirifica (Kwao Krua) plant, makes a woman’s breasts grow as well as improving their shape and tone, says B2UP, the makers of its Bust-Up gum.

Though neither of these products is quite so inventive as Frank Nemirofsky’s 1978 patent for a bubble gum dispensing t shirt

“Be a big hit with all your friends and make a fortune in the process. This simple device protrudes discretely from your t-shirt and can dispense chewing gum, cigarettes or even condoms. A slit at the top of the device is provided to collect coins in payment for the goods. The inventor sees it as a way fostering the entrepreneurial spirit in youngsters”

bubble gum dispenser

Lady Millicent would be proud


Published in: on October 8, 2009 at 6:04 am  Comments (28)  

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28 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. A bubble-gum dispensing t-shirt???!!! Damn i gotta get me one of those! Any idea where one can get them Nurse dear? And how come the whole idea never took off?

    • Did you click the link Sabrina? Maybe there’s a contact number for Frank…..

  2. I chew gum every day… I have the mandibles of a young svelt Harvey Kietel… ok I’ve gone on a tangent I can’t come back from, so I’m just going to end this now…

    • Harvey Keitel’s mandibles? I’d watch a movie of those at work

  3. I wonder what would happen if the t-shirt ran out of bubble gum and you re-stocked it with the other options. Would you get cigarette flavoured condoms that are chewable?

    • Ewww… that sounds nasty Joe

  4. Viagra-infused gum: Not for the sexually sedate.

    Watched Keitel in “The Piano” and “Bad Lieutenant” in close succession when they were released. I don’t need to ever see Harvey’s ass again. Thank you.

    • I love both those movies UB

  5. I’d like to see a t-shirt that dispenses G & T’s.

    • I believe there is a bra that dispenses wine, will that do?

      • What about a bra that dispenses gas masks?

  6. If I chewed Bust-Up Gum I’d be in a LOT of trouble. My extra-scaffolding braundergarments are expensive enough as it is, thanks! The Japanese gum company should team up with thte t-shirt dispenser guy … a bra dispensing Bust-up Gum, now THAT makes sense!

  7. They have a gum that makes you attracted to ugly people. It is called F’d-Up.

  8. Oh, gum chewing. Don’t get me started. I’m with Disney and Singapore on this one. Personally I don’t care if y’all want to promote TMJ (temporal mandibular joint) dysfunction in yourselves by chewing gum incessantly — that is great news for pain management clinics, dentists and massage therapists. I’m just tired of looking at bank tellers and supermarket cashiers that seem to be dedicated to imitating the ruminant animals without engaging in said ruminant’s habits of actually chewing their cud WITH THEIR MOUTH CLOSED. Plus, it seems to be that the act of chewing gum slows their mental processes down considerably, making them less efficient at their actual job.

    I have the vision now of a young entrepreneur, not actually old enough to be purchasing tobacco products, vending said products from its t-shirt. I guess it really IS all about money all the time.

    • I don’t think chewing gum is such a big thing here, though there’s plenty on sale in the shops. I just never see people using it. Or maybe they’re doing it with their mouths closed 🙂

  9. I could see increased blood flow especially to the jaw, but breast tone seems like somebody’s trying to sell snake oil.

    Do you know where I can pick up a case of Suplitol Tongkat Ali Gum by chance?

  10. No wonder my performance has slipped so much since my younger days, I almost never chew gum.

  11. I want a t-shirt dispenser – but not with gum, mine would have recreational drugs

    • oh lulu, ain’t you a gal after my own heart?

  12. Does a Spearmint lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?

  13. Bow to the King, baby. King Cock!

    • i’d worship at that altar… just gotta find a virgin to sacrifice.

      • Me me! Oh wait… hang on….

  14. Do you know if they sell that bust-up gum at 7-11?

  15. That last picture looks like my typical night, DANCE SLAVES!

  16. I have to admit I’d really like one of those t-shirts too..

    • But isn’t it just a little new-fangled for you Don?

  17. I have never been a big gum chewer but if it has this so called steadying effect, why not?


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