what star sign is your car?

Several years ago Psychology Today ran a “scamarama contest” to see if readers could come up with a creative pseudoscience when they weren’t hampered by little things like scruples. Here are some of the suggestions…

Phrenotherapy: Change the bumps on your head to improve your character. Experts would offer to ‘knock your noggin where it will do the most good’

Palmistherapy: Using laser surgery to lengthen the lifeline on the palm of your hand.

Upgrade Your Aura: A device that fits into your pocket or purse that magnifies your current aura to make a better impression on others.

Autozodiac: Create an astrological chart for your car so you’ll know which are the best/worst days  for a long trip or to have your oil changed.

Car Zodiac found here

Investment in Reincarnation: Leave $10,000 in your will to a professional medium who will contact you after your death and find out when you’re coming back and under what name. Upon your return you receive a cheque for your investment plus interest. The longer you are gone, the more you will receive!

It’s been a long time since I ran a competition here at the gimcrack, so perhaps it’s time for another one. Leave your own scamarama suggestions in the comments section and I’ll post out prizes to the two best ideas……

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34 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. The investment in reincarnation reminds me of an old lawyer joke:

    It’s a funeral and those present are all expected to stuff money into the coffin as a show of respect and so the deceased will be able to fend for himself in the next world.

    One guy says: I’m putting in a fifty.

    His brother says hah! I’ll put in a hundred.

    The next brother – a lawyer – says: you guys are all cheapskates! Here’s a thousand! He won’t mind a cheque, I’m sure.

    • haha…. good one Ian

    • That cheapskate! He should have made it $100,000

  2. How about a footspa that drains all of the toxins out of your body? It would be called Footology.
    Or how about reading your pets (cat or dog) paw prints to tell what you are supposed to do with your life, called Petology.

  3. Buffiet: Lose weight by eating at “All you can eat” Buffets. The exercise you get by going up for repeated servings will balance out the calories consumed thus promoting weight loss.

    Have a Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate and a Happy Thursday just to celebrate.Wild Turkeys

    • hey, now i like this one! think of all the time you could save by not exercising.

  4. Zengine’s Auto Repair: Don’t bring your car here until you truly don’t care if it runs or not. Specializing in acupuncture for tires!

    Otto Zengine

  5. Post Rapture Pet Care!
    A pet rescue service for those who believe they are going to be raptured. As an avowed but very moral atheist, I will come to their houses immediately after the rapture and pick up their beloved pets. For only a thousand up front their pets will receive…

    Pick up from their now empty homes.
    Food, water, grooming and love during the transitional period.
    Adoption into a friendly atheist household.

    But wait, there’s more. We are here for any other post-rapture service they may need.

    Distribution of their earthly assets.
    Letters of explanation and stating what relatives will have to do to redeem their souls.
    Clean up of any mess they may have made while they were suddenly raptured.
    As well as any other post-rapture services they might dream up!

    • Brilliant!!!!!

      • gets my vote as well…

      • You’re a genius, Scott!

  6. Furrrlong-
    Special Pet Food that creates a ‘glue’ in your pet’s fur becomes active when your pet sheds. No matter where in your house the fur is it will be attracted shed fur with the same protein inside of it and it will create a convinient little fur ball you can easily dispose of….

    Or name and give away as Christmas or Birthday gifts.

    The Choice is yours.

    YAY! For Furrrlooonggg!

    • I love this one! I want a named fur ball for Christmas!

  7. I’ve often thought about selling bottles of dehydrated water – ideal for those long journeys when you don’t want to carry too much. Just add water and hey presto, you have a bottle of refreshing aqua

    • Haha! This would be a great idea!

      You could even store it in a dehydrated bottle. Just add plastic, and voila, you have a bottle!

  8. Sadly, the Reincarnation Dollars are highly appealing to me. Here’s my suggestion…

    Surgical Southern: A microchip that will transform your speech into a charming southern accent. You melodically fixate your audience of 1 or 1,000 on your Southern pronunciation so that you get automatic approval of whatever you’re proposing. Also available in Irish accent.

    • I want this one too. Then I can say “Sookeh” like Bill the vampire and make myself swoon.

  9. I’m a donkey without driver certificate!

  10. There are enough pseudosciences already. Astrology, tarrot card reading, Reiki, Vaastushastra, to name just a few (not to mention Medicine of course).

  11. my caroscope is spot on! 🙂

  12. “There’s a sucker born every minute.” PT Barnum

  13. Men! Follow our 6 step plan to multiple orgasms. Send $500 now.

  14. I think you might like a Tagoscopy. That’s when Tag Larkin examines you from the inside. For your health, of course. For Tag Larkin is a doctor of Tagology.

  15. I now realise where all those ‘multiple-orgasm’ emails are coming from.

    I have invented an automatic laundry basket, it gets full up, you’ve got no clean clothes, dig around a bit and you’ll find something that’s not so grubby any more – I’ve been testing it on men, they love it.

  16. I like Erectrotherapy…small adhesive electrodes (Japanese of course) applied to the perineum and triggered by a partners (or an Erectrotherpist’s)remote control…

  17. Rednecktrolosis: Device, when coupled with chemical flamethrower, singes unnecessary back hair. In addition, provides endless YouTube video feeds, which all start with some dork yelling “Hey, everybody, watch this!” Annual meeting of Rednecktrologists sponsored by WalMart.

  18. Carzy humans, they should all realize Malach and his control over Dark Matter/Energy can’t be fooled by this crap.

  19. wow – great suggestions guys, I had a really hard time picking just two winners but here they are…..

    Scott Oglesby and Anita Marie

    Email me at rocky@geko.net.au with your snail mail addresses and I’ll send you both a prize

  20. Nursem– I’m late to the contest, but I’ve applied for a patent for a hydroponic rock garden system. It’s self contained and requires no maintenance. A true zen enhancer for the office or at home.

  21. sounds like a rockin’ good idea to me

  22. I couldn’t even begin to imagine one. I just do not have the mind for this.

  23. I read the Scamarama results when Psychology Today first published it. I thought it was hilarious. But, as a practicing (now retired) psychoanalyst I no longer find it funny, because these scam therapies have made into mainstream practice. There are rebirthing therapies, alien encounter therapies, aroma therapies, recovered memory therapies, therapists who think everyone was sexually abused, etc. It’s nauseating. Then there are the therapists who “specialize” but their specialties have degenerated into cults. The Alholhol & Addiction Therapists, and many of the therapists who specialize in treating incest victims are like this. I once said “incest victim” to one of these therapists and she replied, “We call them ‘survivors’ not ‘victims’. I don’t know if I want to refer to you.” I felt like I was talking to the communists.

    If we could only get rid of the scam therapies that exist in fact, Scamarama would become funny again.

  24. Forgot to mention – bogus psychotherapies have always been around, but I was young when I read Scamarama and didn’t yet know how unfunny it was in fact. Read Crazy Therapies : What Are They? Do They Work? by Margaret Thaler Singer and Janja Lalich.

    You won’t laugh

    • Thanks for the tip

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