solder a crackt one

Dreams and Moles was published around 1750. It was particularly helpful for men who wanted to be sure they were marrying a virgin

“Take a piece of alabaster, burn it in the fire till it may be beat to powder, sift through a fine piece of muslin then put it in her drink when you are merry-making. If she drinks it and no visible alteration appear, she hath already parted with the toy you covet.

Anita Ekberg looks good in fine muslin

Women could also use it to ascertain if a bachelor was chaste

Dry thistle seeds and beat to a powder, take the pith that grows on the shell of an oyster, dry powder it too and mix together. Put this in your young man’s drink and if he be chaste he will oftener than usual be observed to make urine.

Dick Dene failed the urine test

Prospective brides who wanted to disguise the fact that they had already parted with the covetous toy, could restore it thus

To restore a lost maidenhead, or solder a crackt one, take myrtle berries and beat to a powder, add to the beaten flour of cotton, mix and drink a little of the powder in the morning, in a glass of wine, and you will find the effects wonderful”

Tallulah Bankhead recommends wine in the morning

Published in: on December 2, 2009 at 7:20 am  Comments (44)  
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44 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Everyone looks at being chaste as a virtue. I see it as a danger that the individual won’t know what the hell they are doing come sex time.

    • Now that’s a worry…..

      • Oh CHASTE…I thought you said CHAFED

  2. Anita Ekberg looks fantastic in fine muslin. And I agree that if you mix damn near anything with a glass of wine in the morning, you’ll find the effects wonderful. Until the early afternoon anyway.

  3. “The toy you covet”

    Probably not something that you can ask Santa for.

    Ho Ho Ho

    • Give it a go Dan 😉

      • Such a covetable toy would look great in the christmas stockings no doubt!

  4. Well i’m sure i’ll pass the test with flying colours *sigh*

  5. Interesting.

    Sorry I haven’t been around much commenting. Its been really difficult to say something without coming off sounding like an idiot.

    But I do enjoy reading your posts. You are an incredibly witty and thought provoking blogger.

    • Come on G, I sound like an idiot all the time – yoinks, and awaaaaay! Are we related? Mitzi G

  6. “To restore a lost maidenhead, or solder a crackt one

    saw an episode of a do-it-yourself home improvement show that featured this topic… lots of window putty and duct tape was involved…

    • I am not suprised! Duct tape can fix anything, including a lost or cracked maidenhead!!

  7. I’m a little concerned about all the “beating to a powder” action that these recipes seem to entail…

    • I suppose a mortar and pestle is rather hard for a coyote to manipulate

      • Well played, ma’am. Although I think a double entendre or two may have been ground pretty hard in the exchange…

  8. If you give me a drink I will be “observed to make urine,” especially if you hang around long enough. And if you go by the recipe above, I will thistle while I work and it will surely be an oyster pith. Still, this should not create any confidence that I have never nudged a lady.

    Royal Payne-Diaz

    • I wonder if oyster pith smells as bad as asparagus pith

      • Similarly, but with a hint of low tide. Of course it is the grit that gets one.

        Mel Luscs

  9. I find it hard to make urine when I am being observed.

    Also, I could totally take Dick Dene in a sword crossing match.

  10. I married a virgin. I can’t say it’s something I’d recommend.

  11. Interesting. In fact, that might save a lot of young ladies from a hymenoplasty (in places where they still consider virginity a virtue).

  12. What if I’m allergic to oyster pith?

  13. How simple is that…wine in the morning.

  14. that dick dene is a fine male specimen indeed!

  15. Can you get partial credit on these tests?

  16. do you perhaps have the exact quantity of myrtle berries to wine recipe? just askin’ lol 😉

  17. Lost maidenhead? Tag Larkin probably took it.

  18. Born again virgins don’t last long ……. just sayin’ …….

  19. There seems to be a fascination with beating things here.

  20. I am gonna beat something into a powder and try it out during our Xmas dinner.

  21. “solder”

    Not sure I want to think about that word anywhere near those parts.

  22. Unfortunately, none of these suggestions work any longer…everything’s been genetically modified and could hardly be expected to function as they did in the 1700s. I knew GMO’s would backfire!

  23. I was excited before but I guess bloging is a slow process. Hmm well.. So r u in London or what?

    • Sydney, Australia

  24. “To restore a lost maidenhead, or solder a crackt one,…”

    ooo, hate to be the guy who could only manage to ‘crack’ a maidenhead.

  25. I’m so glad that I’m neither a virgin, wife nor widow.

    • Hold up there – an eyeball dismissive towards specs?! An intimate contact or two will be the window to your soul, surely!

  26. I’m not sure how often most men are observed making urine. I’ve always thought of it as more of a solitary practice.

    Wonderfully interesting as always Nurse Myra.

  27. Wow, but how do I get my maidenhead back?

    • Flowers usually work for me. Chocolates and diamonds may also be necessary in your case Malach 😉

  28. Of course, if you had no alabaster, you could simply ask.

  29. The best way is to stick in a thumb and try to pull out a plum.

  30. Terrific writing…

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