wait near the rear end

We’ve delved into the fear of being buried alive before at the Gimcrack. If you want to refresh your memory you can read about it here and here. Or you could just read this post instead…..

image by Rubex found here

John Snark wrote the Thesaurus of Horror in 1817.

“Terror, despair, horror seizes on him who is buried alive. The heart is rent asunder by unusual impulses. The emunctories choked by surcharge of faeces, rendered viscid by incalescence. The office of inosculation tries in vain to force its valves and runs retrograde bathing the poor grappling victim in extravasated blood in this dreadful scuffle till coagulation’s influence stagnates and he becomes a fermentable mass of murdered senseless decomposing matter.”

He urged physicians to try the Sphincter Test to confirm death.

“The test used by Turkish physicians seems very simple and natural, for they never think a subject dead while there is irritability or contractile power in the sphincter anus muscle. The test requires a tube to be inserted into the mouth of the deceased. The doctor then squeezes on a balloon-like bladder, to force air into the throat. One lucky assistant holds the nose and lips closed while another waits near the rear end. Death is confirmed if the air blast shoots out of the anus with a clap, the conclusion being that if the sphincter muscle has lost its contractability the person is really gone.”

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30 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. This blog is very much alive and I will not therefore apply the sphincter test.

  2. I think this same procedure was used on me during my prostate exam.

  3. I don’t care if they stick a giant electrode up my ass, they just better be damn sure I’m dead! Or at the very least pump my lifeless body full of morphine so I go out with a smile.

  4. I have doubts over the Sphincter Test. A former Mrs Affer was frequently wont to emit gigantic blasts from the rear end during the night, without moving a muscle elsewhere. From her immobility – and the appalling smell – I often assumed her demise, but the slightest rattle of the drawer containing the Prudential Policy would instantly prove otherwise. I therefore recommend The Life Assurance Test, ie a wave of the policy in the (apparently) deceased’s face.

    • haha… too funny Affer

  5. This post certainly sent tingles up and down my spine…and NOT in a good way!!!!

    I want my mummy!

  6. I might try that test whilst I’m still alive …… just for a laugh

    • youtube is a must, DP…

  7. So when the applause dies, so does the performer.

    Tough room.

  8. I’m just glad there’s a way to be sure.

    The Simple Things Challenge

  9. Wow what a truly fascinating blog you have nursemyra! I will definitely be adding you to my must read list!

    • hey thanks jams, and welcome to the gimcrack

  10. With a clap??!!
    I think I’d rather go with if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck…

    • …. you’d pluck it?

    • Hmm.. the analogy being if it walks like a dead guy, talks like a dead guy and looks like a dead guy, then he must be dead. Now, could there be a problem with that kind of medical analysis? Do we need to add “breathes like a dead guy”?

  11. Couldn’t read that post when I saw the topic…ewwwwwww.

  12. sphincter test seems like a lot of work. can’t the doc just do a little finger-spelunking to see if the back door still has it’s spring?

  13. Just as I would never wish being buried alive on my worst enemy, I would never wish that test on him/her. Did you see the recent story of the Turkish girl who was buried alive by HER RELATIVES for talking to boys? So awful. That poor girl—it’s hard to believe the hypocrisy of people who actually believe they are doing something that provides justice. According to the article, over half of the country’s murders are “honour” killings. http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/feb/04/girl-buried-alive-turkey

    • That’s a truly horrific story, can’t begin to imagine the terror that poor child felt

  14. I wonder how much the assistant gets paid. And does he make mention of that particular responsibility on his resume for future positions?

  15. Guess we know which part of Kill Bill was your least favorite.

  16. I would have thought there would have been evidence aplenty of a relaxed sphincter without the need for blowing unless the subject had been fasting for several weeks

    • haha… good point grouser

  17. air rushes out of my husband’s butt with a clap all the time lol is he dead? coz he’s still breathing over there 🙂

  18. Great pictures! and god site..
    as for the dead test.. whew!

  19. Some might pretend to be dead, just for the thrill of the test no?

    • That hadn’t occurred to me Malach…..

  20. ‘One lucky assistant holds the nose and lips closed while another waits near the rear end. Death is confirmed if the air blast shoots out of the anus with a clap, the conclusion being that if the sphincter muscle has lost its contractability the person is really gone.’

    And heres me thinking the sphincter test would just be a finger jammed up the bot. Damn those Turkish, they just might take the lead on my ladder of freaky deaks above the germans for that one.

  21. Couldn’t they just take a persons pulse to confirm that?

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