go ahead and bite me

We have the occasional shark attack in Australia. If you’re planning a trip here perhaps you should invest in one of these first

The Neptunic C Suit made from steel mesh, high-tech fibre, titanium and hybrid laminates can withstand shark bites — but will make a $23,000 hole in your wallet.

Back in 1986 Sydney shark expert, Valerie Taylor, tested a $2000 version her husband made from the steel mesh used for butchers’ gloves. She has this advice if you forget your $23,000 suit and get attacked.

I learnt a lot about how sharks attack, how they bite, and how they feed, just by wearing the chain mail suit with all different species of sharks and letting them chew away,” she recently told the ABC. “The most difficult thing was to get the sharks to bite. I had to put tuna fillets under the mesh.”

She said going for the gills was more effective than the common advice to poke a shark’s eyes. “But push or punch them anywhere if they are that close, don’t be passive. You’ve heard of tennis elbow? I’ve been in the water with so many of them and had to push them away so often I got shark arm,”

In May 1989, Nelson and Rosette Fox filed this patent for a Shark Protector Suit

The suit and helmet have a plurality of spikes extending outward therefrom to prevent a shark from clamping its jaws over the wearer. Figs 1 & 2 show a plurality of zip fasteners, figs 3 & 4 show an alternative arrangement of zips. Other means of watertight fastenings and arrangement of fasteners will be apparent to one skilled in the art

An alternative is to tickle them. According to Mike Rutzen, you can induce a state of “tonic immobility” by turning a shark on its head and massaging its snout.

The effects last for around 15 minutes and has proved a useful tool for scientists wanting to study shark behaviour. Being able to get so close to the Great White, Mike discovered that they do not have beady black eyes, as previously thought, but they are actually a startling blue.

blue eyed koala found here

Published in: on February 8, 2010 at 7:22 am  Comments (51)  
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51 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. We never have donkey attack here!

  2. hey $23,000 – but it does look good on the model in that I can tell she is not smuggling fish fillets under the top.

  3. I’ll take the Koala bite over a shark bite. Granted the shark suit would make me feel safe BUT, they are not as cuddly.

    By the way, as a very young boy I had a few stuffed animals of koala bears and one was named Sydney.

  4. You tickle it if you want – I’ll stick to kicking the shit outta the bugger !!!

  5. As a surfer living in Florida and visiting Costa Rica often, I’ve seen my share of sharks. And I think the suit would do ok off the shores of North and Central America. But a Great White? I’d think that even a good sized Bull could break a few bones through the suit. I’d think that a Great White would completely pulverize every bone in your body. She has guts, I wouldn’t test the thing!

    I’ve only heard about trying to get to their eyes, I had no idea about the tickling. Thanks; hope I’ll never need to try it!

  6. I noticed whilst on holiday that small Thai ladies could reduce me to tonic immobility by turning me on my head and gently massaging my face.

    Am I, in fact, a shark?

    • I don’t know… show me your teeth

  7. Tickling a shark????!!!! Really???? I’ll just keep as far away as possible from the water if i am ever lucky enough to visit your fine country

  8. I will add this advice to my list of survivalist knowledge.


  9. First struggle – getting into one of those suits of armour/mesh.
    Second struggle – battling the shark.
    The odds are not in my favour in either scenario.
    Avoiding shark invested waters is my best option. 😉

  10. ‘a plurality’ is so much more impressive than ‘many’ – I shall be constructing sentences this way in future

    ‘give me a plurality of cakes!’

    • Followed by a plurality of chocolate for me!

      • Make it a plurality of pluralities of chocolate, please…

      • And I’ll take a plethora, please. Of chocolate, of course.

  11. the spike suit seems very clever. it could also be repurposed as a ‘meat tenderizer’. roll around on a side of beef in that thing and see if it doesn’t become as soft as butter!

    • Ha! I love it when you’re wearing your engineers hat

      • you just like it when i dress up…

      • Yes I do 😉

  12. I’ve dated girls with startling blue eyes who ate me for lunch. In the bad way. There must be a genetic link to great white sharks.

  13. If I wear a spiked anti-shark suit in the city, I bet it will keep the pigeons from landing on me! (Damn pigeons).

  14. There are two things that frighten me …. sharks …… and goddesses ……. I’m not sure which is worserererer …………

  15. If you wear that neptunic c suit, I would still bite you.

  16. 23,000 so you can swim with the sharks? I’m just not getting it. She looks fine in that suit, though.

  17. The spiked suit would be excellent on overcrowded commuter trains

  18. Leave it to the Aussies to swim, with armor, and still look good.

    I have a sinking feeling there’s a really bad Steve Irwin joke in here somewhere, but it’s just not bobbing to the surface…

    • Hi Blaiser, welcome to the Gimcrack

  19. The suit only really costs 13,000 dollars. It cost another ten grand to make it look sexy. And that’s what really matters.

  20. Personally I will opt for a spikey suit and a cuddly koala ,, and all will be well in the world ;0)

  21. A young lady once parted company with me and one reason she cited was that I have “shark eyes.” They are blue- it sounds so uncomplimentary that it still stings a little. I much more wish that it was because of the tuna fillets in my pants.

    Igor Baitman

  22. Now I wanna massage a shark.

    • you want to test your “tonic immobility” skills?

  23. I could use that shark suit for daily interactions with certain people here.

  24. weird. i was just this morning reading about miss taylor in an old local magazine.
    also weird, speaking of koalas, a friend sent me this link a few minutes ago: http://www.katemacdowell.com/index.html -brilliant stuff.

    -i love various random coincidentals.

    and you may as well know, in about an hour i’ll be on the pacific in an outrigger setting hoop nets for lobster. if i’m not back by dawn i’ll be back by noon. you know what to do.

    • That’s a lovely piece of art you’ve linked to there.

  25. Mike Rutzen is nuts. Have you seen the documentary where he free swims with great whites with just a snorkel?

  26. I’ll put on a diving suit if I can be your big daddy

    • You gamers are crazy people AC

  27. I’ll just stay near the beach.

  28. Malach usually freaks out about koalas, perhaps the sharks were a good distraction. I have read recently that Ned Kelly had this unusual eye syndrome where they turned red occasionally (not alcohol-induced.)

  29. £23,000 for the suit seems like a rather cynical way of introducing natural selection to Australia … leaving you with a nation of solely rich inhabitants.

    I’ve always taken to painting thousands of tiny fish on my body to make me look like a shoal of fish and therefore less worth the bother for a shark

  30. now that was interesting about massaging the sharks snout and their yes being blue. i learn so much here. cute koala!

  31. The lovely Valerie Taylor, the very first woman I ever saw fart underwater.

    • Haha… I’m telling Ron you said that Jimmy

      • Why would Ron want to play with sharks when he had that rather shapely botty in his face all those years ago? The mind boggles.

  32. Neptunic C suit eh? What happened to the poor sods wearing the A and B suits then?

  33. “Letting them chew away”


    No way could I ever do that! I find sharks fascinating and terrifying.

  34. I hear they respond well to a really good knock knock joke

  35. I think I’ll stick with the swimming pool. Not interested in being an hors d’oeuvres for a shark, chain mail or no chain mail.

  36. Talking of shark bites – don’t clickhere if you’re squeamish.

    • I’m not squeamish *click*

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