fancy pants

It’s only relatively recently that humans have understood how babies are made.

To find out where babies come from, a scientist named Lazzaro Spallanzani did a dandy experiment in 1777. Spallanzani dressed up male frogs in tight-fitting taffeta britches. He then introduced his “frog princes” to some attractive amphibian “ladies.” Spallanzani allowed his male and female frogs to mate naturally. Or at least, they mated as naturally as frogs dressed in fancy pants can mate.

“The males, notwithstanding this encumbrance, seek the females with eagerness and perform as well as they can. But the eggs are never prolific, for want of having been bedewed by semen, which sometimes can be seen in the breeches in the form of drips”

In Peru they don’t bother putting their frogs in fancy pants, they drink them instead

Carmen Gonzalez plucks one of the 50 frogs from the aquarium at her bus stop restaurant, bangs it against tiles to kill it and then makes two incisions along its belly and peels off the skin as if husking corn.

She’s preparing frog juice, a beverage revered by some Andean cultures for having the power to cure asthma, bronchitis, sluggishness and a low sex drive. A drink of so-called “Peruvian Viagra” sells for about 90 cents.

Gonzalez adds three ladles of hot, white bean broth, two generous spoonfuls of honey, raw aloe vera plant and several tablespoons of maca — an Andean root also believed to boost stamina and sex drive — into a household blender. Then she drops the frog in.

Once strained, the result is a starchy, milkshake-like liquid that stings the throat.

At least 50 customers a day ask for steaming beer mugs of frog juice at Gonzalez’s countertop-only restaurant in eastern Lima, and many treat the concoction as their morning — and afternoon — cup of coffee.

Published in: on February 11, 2010 at 7:56 am  Comments (42)  
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42 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Err wat can one say but you have enlightened me greatly. I will have the mental image of frogs in britches (embarrassing little stains on the front too) all day…

    I thank you!

    • Yes, they’ll need to soak those britches in nappysan for a while I think

  2. In England, frogs have been fair game since they invaded us in 1066……and since one whisked away the second ex-Mrs Affer, I know how ‘eager’ they can be.

    • How many ex-Mrs Affers are there?

      • You realize you are asking for Affermath, don’t you?

        Carl Saggin

  3. You had me at the bacon suit – I want one!

  4. I dont agree that ketchup made me stoopid.

  5. I’ve encountered many a frog in “fancy pants” – and, damn, they never turn into princes!

  6. The picture comparing Madonna to the frog is hysterical.

    A New Old Fairy Tale

    • Comparing? That’s Madonna’s new boyfriend. Lucky girl, look at those thighs.

  7. i got married in taffeta pants, a little girl said they made me look fat 😛 or maybe the jacket was taffeta, i can’t remember… my husband on the other hand did not wear a bacon tuxedo 🙂 when i was young when we went camping, my parents sent me every year on a frog gathering expedition, then they would have frog legs for dinner, i refused to eat the cute little froggies so ruthlessly murdered… until one year my father ‘made me’ try one…. wow!!! rolled in flour and salt, fried in butter over an open fire, man did i regret all those moral years lol so yummy

    • that first comment was with my wrong info, so click on this one to find me instead 🙂

      • I too have a guilty fondness for frogs’ legs

  8. “Bedewed by semen” ……. gotta be a Mills and Boon porno title ……. surely

  9. “britches” is one of my favorite words. i’m bummed that i missed the frog juice while in peru… what men will do for a stiffie…

  10. Perhaps the origin of the phrase “I have a bit of a frog in my throat” has been revealed at last.

    I always learn something here.

    The King

    • Your Majesty, did you ever see the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where Larry had a pubic hair stuck in his throat?

      • No I haven’t watched that show, however in real life…

        The King

  11. Baby donkey loves carrots, never eats ketchup and is a brilliant trainee!

  12. Never wear a bacon suit to a rave. Or a bullfight.

    Ed Visor

    • haha… you always crack me up Mark

  13. I like to wear my fancy pants, it makes the ladies, dance, dance dance!

  14. Doesn’t adding bean broth negate the sexual power of the frog juice? You will be in the bathroom all night instead of the bedroom.

  15. I have to know more about the link between ketchup and stupidity.

    • That was the one that caught my eye too. How did they determine that, anyway? Was there rigorous double blind testing, or was it purely based on anecdotal evidence?

  16. Bearman has a good point… I am reminded of your recent post about the willie being full of air.. that might tie in to the bean broth! Wow, who knew that getting an erection could be so complicated!

  17. Pants that are too tight can be a real pain. I bought a pair of tight jeans once, and then I washed them and they shrunk. I didn’t realize it until after I’d put them on and gone to work. You know, at first when I put them on (I put my pant on standing up) I thought, damn my ass is getting fat! It must have been all those burritos and nachos from the night before. Anyway, once I got in the car and sat down, my balls were squashed enough to cause considerable pain. That’s when I realized that there was no way in hell I was going to be able to go to work in these.

    Some jeans stretch out over the course of the day. You just have to wear them for a bit. Others are just too tight to begin with.

    I kept them, of course, just in case I got the flu and lost twenty pounds or something. Eventually, after twenty years, I gave them to the Center for the Retarded. And, yes, they still call themselves that. It’s on a big sign right in front of their building.

  18. I had a witty comment all prepared in my brain until I came upon the last image in your post. Since I was a little kid I’ve eaten a large bottle of ketchup a week….and still do. No wonder I forgot whatever inane nonsense I was about to type.

    That Madonna/frog resemblance is uncanny.

    • I forget stuff too often these days and I am a mustard freak…That can’t be good.

  19. I had shiny britches in college. But I doubt I could get vinyl pants that fit my legs now.

    • We’ll just wrap you in colored cellophane.

  20. I’m in again for t-shirt friday

    So is my friend Terra :

  21. I’ve set free one or two zillion sperm cells during my time on earth, but I’d recall the lot rather than send one wee chap in the drection of that awfie oul hoor ‘Madge’.

    Somewhere out there, a disgruntled crowd of heathen frogs are croaking in unison over the comparison between them and the auld bitch.

  22. I can only imagine how many places I could get beat up in wearing those fancy pants…

  23. i don’t believe in killing frogs, but if nutritionists can find an alternative concoction that will cure this stupid bronchitis which has kept me in bed for a *week*, i’ll drink two of them. bring it on peru!

  24. Any intersections between humans, frogs and sex are bound to be…distasteful. History always leads me to think either “what were they THINKING?” or “MAN, why aren’t we that smart anymore?” The first one is what I’m thinking now. The Madonna/ Frog photo duo–priceless!!!

  25. Now that explains why there has been a reduction in the number of frogs in the world 🙂

  26. So where do babies come from?

    • From frogs silly!

      Gee some people…

  27. somehow I feel the frog juice may not be kosher.

  28. Bashing the frogs against the ground then pureeing them. Somehow I doubt PETA would approve. 😛

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