grin and bear it

Teeth Shoes found here

When was the last time you applied the principles of dynamic resistance to your facial muscles?

Independent studies show that using Facial Flex for two minutes twice daily for 60 days can noticeably improve skin circulation and muscle tone.

The lightweight, crescent-shaped facial exercise device is placed in the corners of the mouth, where it maintains a constant outward resistance. To use Facial-Flex, compress and release repetitively against the resistance of the dental elastic. This easy-to learn procedure will yield results in no time!

Hitler’s teeth found here

If you’re more concerned with lazy teeth not getting enough exercise you could try Charles Purdy’s device.

As a new article of manufacture, a device for exercising the teeth, comprising a plate shaped to conform to the contour of the mouth and having on each side comparatively deep depressions to receive the teeth, said depressions corresponding in number to the teeth of the user so that each tooth will be seated in a depression, the plate being provided with a member projecting from its front portion whereby when traction is exerted upon said member, each individual tooth will be exercised.

Perhaps it’s too late and your teeth have already fallen out. Don’t throw them away, make them into jewellery instead

Because if all else fails, Dr. McCollum can always measure you up for a new set of choppers in no time at all

Published in: on February 16, 2010 at 7:50 am  Comments (48)  
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imprinted memories

When I was a child my father replastered the path to our back door. In doing so he reclaimed the small rectangle that had been a sand pit for my brother and me. He used to tell the story of how I was upset by this so as a consolation prize I was allowed to leave my handprints in the wet cement just outside the garage. My brother got the less advantageous spot beside the laundry which I accidentally walked over before it dried properly.

Sid Grauman, the part owner of Hollywood Boulevard’s Chinese Theatre, had the inspired idea of getting movie stars to place their foot and handprints in the wet cement on the sidewalk outside it.

image found here

Grauman was one of early Hollywood’s great personalities. Legendary as a practical jokster, he once sent MGM’s Marcus Loew to address an audience at the Ambassador Hotel, only to discover afterward the room was filled with dummies borrowed from the nearby Hollywood Wax Museum.

On another occasion, Grauman staged a Chaplin look-alike contest with official judges, with Chaplin himself as a secret contestant (Chaplin lost).

image of Chaplin and Einstein found here

His most notorious practical joke was played upon director Ernst Lubitsch, who was frightened of flying. He hired two stuntmen dressed as pilots to run down the aisle and parachute from the plane on which Lubitsch was travelling.”

Parachutist found here

Published in: on February 15, 2010 at 7:08 am  Comments (31)  
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butter wouldn’t melt…..

Paulette Goddard dated (and sometimes married) many famous men including Charlie Chaplin, Anderson Lawler and Spencer Tracy.

image found here

“Bette Davis called Katharine Hepburn to report that Tracy had been seen leaving the Hollywood Canteen with Goddard on his arm.

“As for me, in case you’re interested” said Davis, “I ended up with John Garfield. He raped me that night and I insisted he do it again the next morning. At least the time he spent with me was denying Joan Crawford a good roll in the hay. He’s fucking her too.”

image of Bette Davis and daughter found here

Anderson Lawler also reported Paulette’s activities with Tracy back to Katharine after they were spotted dining at Ciro’s

“Paulette went under the table between Spencer’s legs and was down there for at least twenty minutes. It was obvious, certainly to judge from the expression on his face, that she was performing fellatio on him. You know how fond our boy is of oral sex.”

image found here

The fellatio scene at Ciro’s became a Hollywood legend and Warren Beatty even incorporated it into his 1975 film Shampoo. Anderson Lawler was quite the gossip, he had news of a different type to tell Katharine a few weeks later

“You’ll never believe this” Lawler said “Last night I went to bed with Paulette Goddard. Up until now the only woman I’ve ever fucked was Kay Francis who is more lez inclined anyway. I must have been crazy. The only way I got through it was to imagine Gary Cooper naked……..”

image of Kay Francis found here

Published in: on February 13, 2010 at 8:43 am  Comments (45)  
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corset friday 12.2.2010

all photos by Syncopated Eyeball

(I’ve got two t shirt players this week – Sabrina and TerraShield)

and a Boxer Boy as well

Published in: on February 12, 2010 at 11:28 am  Comments (39)  
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fancy pants

It’s only relatively recently that humans have understood how babies are made.

To find out where babies come from, a scientist named Lazzaro Spallanzani did a dandy experiment in 1777. Spallanzani dressed up male frogs in tight-fitting taffeta britches. He then introduced his “frog princes” to some attractive amphibian “ladies.” Spallanzani allowed his male and female frogs to mate naturally. Or at least, they mated as naturally as frogs dressed in fancy pants can mate.

“The males, notwithstanding this encumbrance, seek the females with eagerness and perform as well as they can. But the eggs are never prolific, for want of having been bedewed by semen, which sometimes can be seen in the breeches in the form of drips”

In Peru they don’t bother putting their frogs in fancy pants, they drink them instead

Carmen Gonzalez plucks one of the 50 frogs from the aquarium at her bus stop restaurant, bangs it against tiles to kill it and then makes two incisions along its belly and peels off the skin as if husking corn.

She’s preparing frog juice, a beverage revered by some Andean cultures for having the power to cure asthma, bronchitis, sluggishness and a low sex drive. A drink of so-called “Peruvian Viagra” sells for about 90 cents.

Gonzalez adds three ladles of hot, white bean broth, two generous spoonfuls of honey, raw aloe vera plant and several tablespoons of maca — an Andean root also believed to boost stamina and sex drive — into a household blender. Then she drops the frog in.

Once strained, the result is a starchy, milkshake-like liquid that stings the throat.

At least 50 customers a day ask for steaming beer mugs of frog juice at Gonzalez’s countertop-only restaurant in eastern Lima, and many treat the concoction as their morning — and afternoon — cup of coffee.

Published in: on February 11, 2010 at 7:56 am  Comments (42)  
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examining the husband

***In Gratian’s Decretum, published in 1140,  impotence was declared grounds for annulment. Nearly all clerics agreed that nonfunctioning husbands had to be examined. In the “cold water” test, a man’s penis was submerged in ice water after which the veins in his scrotum were checked for constriction. Even more humiliating was a test in which an examiner known as an “honest woman” bared her breasts before the accused man, kissed and fondled him, stroked his penis, and did whatever else she thought might entice an erection. This was typically done in the presence of the man’s wife and priest.

Priest Lie Detector found here

According to the Chirugia Magna, a couple had to lie together on successive days in the presence of a matron used to such procedures. The matron had to administer spices and aromatics, comfort and anoint them with warm oils, massage them near the fire, order them to talk to each other and embrace.

“Ooh Matron” found here

In Book 6 of the Viatacum, Constantinus Africanus recommended this stimulating potion for those in need

“Take the brains of 30 male sparrows and steep them for a very long time in a glass pot; take an equal amount of the grease surrounding the kidneys of a freshly killed billy goat, dissolve it on the fire, add the brains and as much honey as needed, mix it in the dish and cook until it becomes hard. Make it into pills like filberts and give one before intercourse.”

(This advice came from a monk who believed that an erect penis was filled with air not blood)

*** extract from “A Mind of its Own” by David M. Friedman

Published in: on February 10, 2010 at 7:41 am  Comments (50)  
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go ahead and bite me

We have the occasional shark attack in Australia. If you’re planning a trip here perhaps you should invest in one of these first

The Neptunic C Suit made from steel mesh, high-tech fibre, titanium and hybrid laminates can withstand shark bites — but will make a $23,000 hole in your wallet.

Back in 1986 Sydney shark expert, Valerie Taylor, tested a $2000 version her husband made from the steel mesh used for butchers’ gloves. She has this advice if you forget your $23,000 suit and get attacked.

I learnt a lot about how sharks attack, how they bite, and how they feed, just by wearing the chain mail suit with all different species of sharks and letting them chew away,” she recently told the ABC. “The most difficult thing was to get the sharks to bite. I had to put tuna fillets under the mesh.”

She said going for the gills was more effective than the common advice to poke a shark’s eyes. “But push or punch them anywhere if they are that close, don’t be passive. You’ve heard of tennis elbow? I’ve been in the water with so many of them and had to push them away so often I got shark arm,”

In May 1989, Nelson and Rosette Fox filed this patent for a Shark Protector Suit

The suit and helmet have a plurality of spikes extending outward therefrom to prevent a shark from clamping its jaws over the wearer. Figs 1 & 2 show a plurality of zip fasteners, figs 3 & 4 show an alternative arrangement of zips. Other means of watertight fastenings and arrangement of fasteners will be apparent to one skilled in the art

An alternative is to tickle them. According to Mike Rutzen, you can induce a state of “tonic immobility” by turning a shark on its head and massaging its snout.

The effects last for around 15 minutes and has proved a useful tool for scientists wanting to study shark behaviour. Being able to get so close to the Great White, Mike discovered that they do not have beady black eyes, as previously thought, but they are actually a startling blue.

blue eyed koala found here

Published in: on February 8, 2010 at 7:22 am  Comments (51)  
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wait near the rear end

We’ve delved into the fear of being buried alive before at the Gimcrack. If you want to refresh your memory you can read about it here and here. Or you could just read this post instead…..

image by Rubex found here

John Snark wrote the Thesaurus of Horror in 1817.

“Terror, despair, horror seizes on him who is buried alive. The heart is rent asunder by unusual impulses. The emunctories choked by surcharge of faeces, rendered viscid by incalescence. The office of inosculation tries in vain to force its valves and runs retrograde bathing the poor grappling victim in extravasated blood in this dreadful scuffle till coagulation’s influence stagnates and he becomes a fermentable mass of murdered senseless decomposing matter.”

He urged physicians to try the Sphincter Test to confirm death.

“The test used by Turkish physicians seems very simple and natural, for they never think a subject dead while there is irritability or contractile power in the sphincter anus muscle. The test requires a tube to be inserted into the mouth of the deceased. The doctor then squeezes on a balloon-like bladder, to force air into the throat. One lucky assistant holds the nose and lips closed while another waits near the rear end. Death is confirmed if the air blast shoots out of the anus with a clap, the conclusion being that if the sphincter muscle has lost its contractability the person is really gone.”

spell this

Lady Jane Wilde was not only the mother of Oscar, she was also the compiler of Ancient Legends, Mystic Charms and Superstitions. One of her cures for sore breasts is to rub them all over with butter.

Here is her advice for those who wish they had more money

“Kill a black cock, and go to the meeting of three cross-roads where a murderer is buried. Throw the dead bird over your left shoulder then and there, after nightfall, in the name of the devil, holding a piece of money in your hand all the while. And ever after, no matter what you spend, you will always find the same piece of money undiminished in your pocket.”

Her recipe for the lovelorn is even more gruesome

“Go to a graveyard at night, exhume a corpse that has been nine days buried and tear down a strip of the skin from head to foot. Tie this around the leg or the arm of the one you love while he sleeps, but remove it before he wakes. As long as you keep this secret strip hidden from all eyes you will retain his love.”

***This is not what she meant……..

*** Not to be viewed while eating

Published in: on February 6, 2010 at 8:08 am  Comments (42)  
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corset friday 5.2.2010

all photos taken by syncopated eyeball

Ooooh…. I’ve got a player this week. Sabrina is rocking a t shirt and heels

Published in: on February 5, 2010 at 7:31 am  Comments (51)  
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