candidates for the chain gang

According to fragments of the Satyricon, Trimalchio threw a hell of a dinner party

Hors d’oeuvres are served . The first course comes on the back of a Corinthian bronze donkey – white olives and black olives are served in equal amounts in panniers on the side of the bronze donkey. He also has served dormice sprinkled with honey and poppy seed and steaming sausages on a silver gridiron with damsons and pomegranate seeds underneath.

“Dormouse Hunt” found here

Ethiopian slaves (the most expensive slave you could buy) pour wine over the guests hands between one course and another. The slaves remove hang nails from his guests’ feet so that they won’t be left behind and thus bring bad luck into the house. Trimalchio has a course made that represents the 12 signs of the Zodiac, again showing his superstitious nature.

Aries the Ram – chickpeas (the ram is a sign of virility and chickpeas represent the penis in satire)

Taurus the Bull – a beefsteak . The bull represents strength.

Belgian Blue Bull found here

Gemini (The heavenly twins) – Testicles and kidneys

Cancer the Crab- a garland (which looks like pincers)

Leo the Lion – an African fig since lions were from Africa.

click to read “Figs and Olives” from marriedtothesea

Virgo the Virgin – a young sow’s udder, symbol of innocence.

Libra the Scales – A pair of balanced pans with a different dessert in each

Scorpio – a Sea Scorpion

Sagittarius the Archer – a sea bream with eyespots, you need a good eye to practise archery.

Capricorn- a Lobster

Aquarius the Water Carrier – a goose i.e. water fowl.

Pisces the Fish – two mullets

As befits his superstitious nature he now goes on to describe the type of people born under various star signs –

Aries the ram – People born under this sign are hard headed but good business men. Scholars and muttonheads  are born under this sign

Taurus the bull- Bull-headed people are born under this sign and those who are self sufficient.

Bull Penis Cane found here

Gemini- Twins are born under this sign, as well as bisexuals

Cancer the Crab-  People born under this sign have many legs to stand on (i.e. are multi talented) and own property on land and sea.

Leo the Lion – People born under this sign are greedy and bossy like a lion.

Virgo the Virgin – people born under this sign are runaways and candidates for the chain gang.

Chain Gang image found here

Libra the Scales – Butchers and perfume sellers (who used scales to weigh the spices in perfume) and anyone who weighs things up are born under this sign.

Sagittarius – Cross eyed people (since Sagittarius looks backwards)

Capricorn – People in trouble who sprout horns in their worry

Aquarius – Bartenders and Jug heads

Pisces- people who spout rubbish in public

more astrological bodywork here

Published in: on March 25, 2010 at 7:31 am  Comments (36)  
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36 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. That’s the most unusual bull I’ve ever seen!

  2. No shit 😉

  3. Chickpeas represent penis in satire? Must be poking fun at the size.

    • … and they’re entirely the wrong shape

      • I have not seen the pod that chick peas grow in … something to do with that, perhaps? Hopefully not something to do with hummus …

  4. No definition for a Scorpio? ….. tsk

    • I went back and double checked the link… nope, Scorpio’s been omitted altogether

      • Those born under the sign of Scorpio are evasive!

  5. I have been a lifelong runaway – little did I know that it was written in the stars!

    • Us Virgos have to stick together

  6. I’m making reservations at Tremalchio’s.

    • You’ll need a time machine Mitzi

  7. I guess by the property at sea they must mean my navy, funny I haven’t heard from them in a while…

    The King

    • Perhaps that crazy celticqueen has scuppered them

      • I wouldn’t waste my seamen on her!

        The King

  8. I wonder if you could tell I was a Pisces?

  9. I thought a *husband* was the most expensive slave you could buy. Har-har. I’m a Cancerian. Most of the best qualities you could want in a human being can be found in Cancerians.

    • My best friend is a Cancerian. I also seem to attract lovely Sagittarians and Pisceans into my life……

  10. Who cares if I spout rubbish in public… the artwork there is gorgeous!

  11. I like that Pisces is spelled as “Pieces” on the naked fish body art photo. FAIL.

  12. I thought sea scorpions were extinct:
    Man they were big.

    I agree with the “Cancerian” comment above.

    • Satyricon was thought to have been written in 61 A.D. Maybe there were one or two still around then

  13. Those damned Ethiopians cost a fortune! But what are you gonna do if you want hangnail removed?

    Were the Corinthia mules saddled with Corinthian leather?

    • Ha! I love that ad… how did you find it?

      • Youtube: I think I searched on “Montalban Corinthian.”

        Later in his career, he did a commercial for some other product that started with him sitting on a leather sofa. “People want to know, is it Corinthian?” (French-like gesture that implies every synonym in Roget’s for class and sophistication.) “Why not the best?”

  14. I was gonna comment, but got hungry, so I went to get lunch.

  15. Julia Sweeny has a great bit about how here parents lied to her about her birthday and how finding out that she was a Libra turned her into an atheist.

    It’s funny stuff.

  16. Scholar or muttonhead? Sadly I’m not a scholar…

  17. A bartender, eh? Well, I do like to ply the ladies with alcohol…

  18. I was born in December and will cop to “tactless” and “rigid,” often at the same time.

    Gowan Downtown

    • I like a man who can manage his tactlessness rigidly

  19. I be an Ares!

  20. Butchers and perfume sellers, Muttonheads, Bartenders and Jugheads.. You’ve been peeking in the windies at my local, haven’t you?

  21. Always knew I was bull-headed. That body work is gorgeous. Does it come off in water? Hmmm…

  22. off to conjure up a testicle and kidney pie, while plowing myself through a big ol’ pile of men and women. Grrr….

  23. I’m an aries and feel that I’m an awful bussines man. The rest about hard headedness may be true.

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