butter me up

In the late 1860s Hippolyte Mege-Mouries was commissioned by the French navy to find a cheap substitute for butter.

He chopped up a quantity of beef suet, minced in some sheep’s stomach, steeped the mixture in warm slightly alkaline water and declared it to be butter. The flavour was not quite right but when he tried again, adding some chopped cow’s udder and a little warm milk the effect was gratifying.

America was quick to take up the idea. The manufacture of “butterine” offered a way of utilising stockyard byproducts, especially when it was discovered that cow udders and sheep stomachs were superfluous; all that was needed was to melt out the softer elements from the caul fat of oxen and shake them up with milk.

After the release of Last Tango in Paris a slew of young men dreamed of lubricating their partner’s arse with Western Star. A word of advice from the nurse – don’t. Boy Butter is a much better idea. Though not on your toast.


ModernMechanix recommends the rancid butter treatment, quoting an anonymous “famous surgeon”. Don’t you just love the way he makes butter sound vindictive, mysterious and selective all at the same time?

Published in: on September 6, 2010 at 8:09 am  Comments (38)  
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38 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Margarine is poison! (I used to say “ask Marlon Brando”, but now that he’s gone…?)

    • Fancy meeting you here, Dinah 🙂

      • She gets around Archie.

  2. Ahhhh – Maria Schneider – a very healthy young female. Gotta go – got something to do – – –

    • Of course darling, you’re excused.

  3. You can trust French cinema to steer clear of anything faux.

  4. After seeing Last Tango in Paris it took me years not to start giggling when somebody asked me to pass the butter ……. I fear my giggling might return again …..

    • Stifle it daddyp

  5. Why do you build me up, Buttercup, just to let me down?

    • Worst of all, worst of all, you never call baby when you say you will, say you will….

      • But I love you still (or moving)

  6. Now I need to see Last Tango in Paris so I will understand all the giggling. The work never ends.

    I had no idea butter could be so vicious and titillating at the same time. My education continues apace.

    • I should probably rewatch it – can only remember the butter scene….

  7. Gamma-amino-butyric acid is actually a precursor for the tranquillising brain hormones that are increased in your system by the action of Valium. I wonder if a person could be calmed by eating rancid butter.

    • Bags not be the test bunny for that little experiment

  8. I think I need to go churn some butter myself.

  9. Now that is my kind of history lesson. I like astroglide myself now if I could get some real action id be better.

    • I’d have picked you for a KY gal

      • I only use KY at work

  10. There’s nothing much wrong with applying butter…..unless it’s still on the toast!

  11. I actually prefer good margarine lately.

    That woman has some lovely breasts. I don’t usually like them that big, but hers are just spectacular.

  12. Whenever I have a spot of cancer, I generally turn to Mechanix Illustrated for a quick fix. You can’t be too careful.

    • Yeah…. I’ve seen your pharmacist too….

  13. You do put up a variety in your posts dont you.
    Interesting take on the cancer cure

    • It’s recommended by a famous surgeon so it must work

  14. i prefer JO H20. but haven’t tried boy butter. we should do a ‘slide by slide’ comparison next time we meet up…

    • Totally darlin’

  15. Are you pioneering that treatment at Gimcrack?

  16. I am a believer of virgin olive oil for many reasons 😉

  17. Butter Boy! There a stocking stuffer if I ever saw one

  18. I hear Wesson Oil works pretty well.

  19. eating stuff like that,
    it’s no wonder
    people get cancer.

  20. “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butterine” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

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