Princess Poo

The Japanese Toto Washlet is one of the most sophisticated toilets in use today.

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The most basic feature is the integrated bidet, a nozzle the size of a pencil that comes out from underneath the toilet seat and squirts water. It has two settings: one for washing the anus and one for the bidet. The former is for general use, or family cleaning, and the latter for feminine cleaning.

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Most high-tech toilets allow water temperature and water pressure to be adjusted to match the preferences of the user. By default, the vulva receives less pressure than the anus. High-end washlets allow selection of vibrating and pulsating jets of water, claimed by manufacturers to be beneficial for constipation and hemorrhoids.

do you really want to know what this is? then click here

Other features include a heated seat and an automatic lid equipped with a proximity sensor, which opens and closes based on the location of the user. Some play music to relax the user’s sphincter (for example the first few tunes of Op. 62 Nr. 6 Frühlingslied by Felix Mendelssohn). Some toilets also glow in the dark or may even have air conditioning below the rim for hot summer days.

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Recently, researchers have added medical sensors which can measure the blood sugar based on the urine, and also measure the pulse, blood pressure, and the body fat content of the user. The data may automatically be sent to a doctor through a built-in internet-capable cellular telephone.

The repetitive use of a Washlet type water jet on a high-pressure setting for an enema, can weaken the capability for self-evacuation which can lead to more serious constipation. If a Washlet high-pressure water jet is used on the anus repeatedly, it may cause excessive cleanliness, prompting other bacteria to adhere around the anus, causing inflammation around the anus. Proctologists in Japan have named this “Washlet Syndrome

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Some Japanese women are embarrassed at the thought of being heard by others during urination. To cover the sound of bodily functions, these women used to flush public toilets continuously while using them, wasting a large amount of water in the process. A device was introduced in the 1980s that, after activation, produces the sound of flushing water without the need for actual flushing. A Toto brand name commonly found is the Otohime, literally “Sound Princess.”

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And now for some slightly related factoids from Ralph Lewin’s book Merde.

Rabelais related how some young ladies had such pure natures that their little virginal faeces were fragrant. The phenomenon may be questioned , since it is hard to suggest a physiological basis for such a manifestation of piety but scientists have in fact discovered that the excrement of young virgin queen bees aged between 1 and 14 days are actually fragrant, whereas those of other bees are not. The perfume of such a virgin queen in some ways controls the behaviour of her subjects in the hive.

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But the award for the sweetest anal excretions in nature goes to the aphid. They consist mainly of a concentrated solution of sugar, hence the endearing term “honeydew”.

carved honeydew found here


Published in: on September 13, 2010 at 10:32 am  Comments (36)  
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36 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Interesting set of bogs, but none of them solve the fundamental problem: women will keep on (quite selfishly) leaving the seat down.

  2. I didn’t really want to know what that was – thank you for sparing me with a click here only facility

    • I was feeling more sensitive and protective than usual tonight… thank your lucky stars

  3. It won’t be long before the new toilets will connect directly to your Twitter stream with a running (hah!) commentary on size, colour and consistency. At the same time, a webcam will record the moment for posterity (hah!) and upload the photos to your Facebook gallery.

    • Time to close my accounts!

      • And friends wonder why I hate Faecesbook?

  4. a nozzle the size of a pencil that comes out from underneath the toilet seat and squirts water. 😯

    Jeez, I hope these toilets come with a warning notice – someone could shit themselves if that pencil thing squirted water up their arse when they weren’t expecting it 😦

    • Someone such as yourself Duncs?

  5. I’m sticking to using the garden for having a pee …… obviously I never poo ……

    • I hope you do your farting out of doors too daddyp

  6. I clicked! Yikes.
    7:30AM here and this was quite a lot to digest. I love the toilet that makes noises for you, there are times when I could have used that..
    As for fragrances, there is a bit in the movie Le Divorce where the young woman is having an affair w/ an older French man who suggests she drink rose water, I think? maybe lavender, to sweeten her ‘essences’… I’ve always wondered if that worked.

    • would rose flavoured Turkish Delight have the same effect? It’s my current addiction.

    • Imbibing kerosene will make one’s urine smell of violets, or so I’ve read, but I can’t think that it’s recommended.

  7. I wonder if they sell that at IKEA here in the states?

  8. As a one-time resident of Japan, I feel compelled to warn prospective users to be cautious with older model Washlets.

    Many lack a circuit breaker which would keep water from squirting upward if the button were accidentally pressed but the seat was unoccupied.

    Many foreigners have confused the flush button with the douche button, and have ended up with a squirt all over the front of their dinner suits.

    HB

    P.S. My Japanese partner says that his life here in Germany would be more bearable if he had a Washlet and if a grumpy German behaved differently from a normal, not-grumpy German, so you could, like, tell.

  9. “family cleaning”??? hmmm what an odd family…or a very close knit one.

  10. Good grief. I had no idea that there were so many functions available in the common toilet. With all those nozzles and sensors and switches it must be a complete pain in the ass to clean one of those.

    I had a music teacher when I was a young girl who thought it was completely obscene to urinate without the water running in the sink. Like she didn’t know why I asked to use her washroom, for God’s sake.

    Once again, a fascinating post, nursemyra.

  11. This somehow reminds me of the ‘ask for assistance’ button I accidentally pressed when looking for the flush button in a toilet in Japan.

  12. I don’t want to have to log in to drop a log in my toilet, and I don’t want to have to log out either, but what other way is there to make your doctor isn’t analyzing someone else’s stool on his cell phone?

  13. Delightful post! I am the proud owner of a similar contraption, called the “Bio-Bidet.” In my present situation, this wonderful piece of equipment is my best friend.

    Thank you for the entertainment and education. 🙂

  14. NM – This might be your most informative post to date. I need a bidet for personal higiene and, let’s face it, personal pleasure. And that Japanese Sound Princess . . . Great X-MAS gift for all my pals.

    Excellent post.

  15. this makes me want a new toilet.

    i was just reading some book where they were talking about how fancy a japanese toilet can get (especially in terms of music).

  16. I feel I’m getting gypped on my toilet.

    Though I suppose I would hate to have too many enemas, so it’s probably for the best.

  17. Hmmm.

  18. Trust the Japanese to come up with these ingenious inventions! I really need to get me one of those…for ‘multiple’ reasons *wink*

  19. The secret is out. I’ve been sprinkling aphid shit on my Wheaties for years, and now that everybody knows about it, I expect the prices to go through the roof. So thanks for that, Myra.

  20. Toilets in Paris are few and far apart. It is almost as if they’re saying: We, the French… don’t pee!

  21. I have a groom of the stool who attends to all such matters on my behalf.

  22. could do with a “Sound Princess” in my house.

  23. Well, those horrible pedestal mats and beribboned kittie fixtures would give me the shits for starters!

    And I remain convinced that a good diet is better for one’s plumbing than being squirted from some dunny-hydrant.

    But thanks for the entertaining read.;-)

  24. Oooo… glow in the dark and air conditioned… want…

  25. My toilet can kill a man at 100 paces

    • I believe you Malach!

  26. My toilet is so boring in comparison. I’ve got to put a call in to my landlord.


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