bloody beef

Back in the 17th century, meat was not just something you dished up for dinner – it could also act as a rather large band aid.


“Take a piece of lean salt beef and let the beef be of that greatness that it may fill the wound, and lay it in the fire in the hot ashes till it be hot through, and all hot stuff it in the wound and bind it fast.”

Cures for constipation or stomach upsets also involved food that was not ingested in the usual way.


“A suppositor good for those that are troubled with the collicke or the winde is half a flattened fig with some bay salt rolled up inside it, skin inwards. Tie it with thread, grease with butter and administer to the patient

It was a time when many believed that a woman’s uterus moved about in her body and could be threatened back into position. Nowadays a prolapse is usually treated with pessaries or surgery (how many times do I have to tell you to keep doing your kegels? are you clenching now? good… keep at it) but back then doctors believed in scare tactics

the least horrifying image of a prolapse I could find

“”You may fright it back in with a hot iron presented near the opening as if you would burn the falling part

And beef makes another appearance during pregnancy as a way of preventing miscarriage

“Take a fillet of beef half roasted hot from the fire, then take half a pint of Muscat wine, sugar, cinnamon, ginger, cloves and grains of paradise. Make a sauce, divide the beef in two and dress with the sauce.

Then bind one piece to the bottom of the woman’s belly and the other to the kidney area of her back, as hot as may be suffered and keep them on twenty four hours at the least and longer if need thereof.”

grease her up with bacon lube

Published in: on October 18, 2010 at 7:18 am  Comments (37)  
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37 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I think I may become a vegan. Certainly, bacon sarnies are not going to have the old appeal!:-(

    • Mmmm… bacon….

  2. I did not know a turtle could suffer a prolapse. Kegels are valuable for both women and men. Why I better run off and do a set now!!!!

    • You can do them while you’re blogging Ricardo

  3. Lip smacking!

    • Good God! Bacon flavoured envelopes too!

  4. Oy vey, so much bacon in so many unusual places. I always learn something new here, and now know not confuse kegels with kugels (the latter is yiddisch for cake.)

    • Mmmmm…. cake…

  5. BACON LUBE???? ewwwwwwwww.

    • Really? Would your wife object?

  6. Do you know that for one brief moment, I thought Bacon Lube was an actual product you could find on your grocer’s shelf? Give me a break. It’s early here.

    • If it were I’d buy it 😉

  7. I wonder if any prolapsed uterus ever retreated from the hot iron? Or was that an early attempt to induce involuntary Kegels.

    • The thought gives me nightmares

  8. Mmmm, bacon!

    • Join the queue Marvin

  9. I’ve scared many a uterus… scared it so bad it took the vagina and everything else with it when it ran away.

    • Rassles won’t run

  10. The strange case of the wondering uterus. By V.E Gina

    “The young woman’s uterus had wondered off, and her lover went off in search of it. Three years later he returned, exclaiming, ‘Eureka! I have found it! With the help of my trusty hot curling iron, and a pound of bacon, you now have your uterus back, my love. I’ll have a raster and three eggs over easy.'”

    • What’s a raster Jammer?

      • Opps . . . spelled wrong: rasher. Sorry bout that. Three or four pieces of bacon, although it can be a single slice as well. My dad, when he started getting senile, would start yelling at waiters because they didn’t know what he was talking about. It’s an old word not used much anymore.

      • oh … rasher now I know what you mean. We still use that word in Australia

  11. Baconlube? Now this could be a cue for some single entendres… but I am far too much of a gentleman for that

  12. They’ll still never beat the homeopaths for pure quackery.

  13. Bacon? B…A…C…O…N…!

    oh, glory, glory! i didn’t think sex could be more fun! BACON!!!

  14. I’m a vegetarian, so nix the bacon lube.

    But I have Betty Dodson’s pubococcygeal barbell. Hell, I have one for all the other muscles.

  15. HAHA! The Prolapse image is not to be seen, exceeded bandwidth, look what you did!

  16. Ok I turn my back on the world events page and come back to see this. MY WORD PEOPLE, is this Obamacare at it’s finest???

    But seriously, I am glad that no one is threating my ladies tender parts with a hot poker. Yikes, “Honest Doctor, Sir, I swears I felt my parts move about from fright” What else would the poor woman say??

  17. This post is makin’ me peckish. Imma whomp up a mess o’ vittles with plenty of loosemeat, and fill my gaping maw.

    • you’ve been watching too much Deadwood

  18. This post is awesome. I feel I should use these lines for my blog’s tag line, or at least to explain to others what my blog is all about:

    “Take a piece of lean salt beef and let the beef be of that greatness that it may fill the wound, and lay it in the fire in the hot ashes till it be hot through, and all hot stuff it in the wound and bind it fast.”

    • Take it – it’s yours!

  19. Your blog always reminds me of why I’m a vegetarian! …For some reason when I was a kid I remember being deathly afraid that one day I would be injured and have to use leaches to suck up the blood. I must have seen a movie or something that planted that fear in my head. Little did I know, some cow slab would do the trick! (And oh that poor little turtle.)

  20. It’s Friday somewhere.

  21. I think there is something in this threatening bit: it certainly works on men. Anybody waves a red hot poker at my cock and it goes back inside so far that my nose grows!

  22. I freaking love the images in this one NM! The skeleton on the toilet is uber art, I’d hang that on my living room wall. And who doesn’t love tiny, little turtles?

  23. I’ve never felt so proud to be a vegetarian. Not since I lived in rural Virginia and went to a restaurant that served puddin’ meat, anyway. (DO NOT GOOGLE THAT.)

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