Tone up that vag!

Marion Sayle Taylor was a broadcaster in the 1930s known as The Voice of Experience

The title of “Doctor” was applied to him at the suggestion of William Jennings Bryan when he was already well known as an adviser to the lovelorn. Bryan suggested that Taylor call himself “Doctor of Matrimony.” Taylor was careful never to give any medical advice— except to endorse the patent medicines which sponsored his programs: Wasey Products (Musterole, Kreml Hair Tonic, and a brace of nostrums known as Zemo and Haley’s CTC, for stomach acidity).

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Before adopting the career of mass confessor, Taylor was a proficient organist. He was guest organist at the St. Louis Fair of 1904 but an automobile accident crushed his hands in 32 places and took him from the manual.

origami organist found here

So successful was his booming voice and his clean handling of sex problems that he employed 29 private secretaries, all male, to answer his intimate correspondence. In addition to broadcasting, Taylor had time to write 120 pamphlets on such subjects as “Facts About Fruits“, “Why Be Unique?”, “Why Take Your Own Life?”, “The Nudist Fad“, “Feminine Shapeliness”, “War of the Sexes”, “Square Pegs in Round Holes”, “Promiscuous Kissing“, “The In-Law Problem” and “Are You Afraid of Insanity?“. He also has a wife and a daughter, lives on Manhattan’s Park Avenue, with a private gymnasium in his apartment to keep himself fit.

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The practical charity that Mr. Taylor does is enormous. From his own pocket he has paid for innumerable funerals, bought wooden legs and glass eyes, met rent bills. In 1934 alone The Voice paid for 413 blood transfusions and the hospital bills of 583 unwed mothers.

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According to the Bureau of Investigation, he also sold a patent medicine known as Vagitone.

It used to come as a liquid but now, with a name change to La-Fon, it has been put out in powder form. He also sells a device that he calls Vagispray. M Sayle Taylor has appeared at motion picture theatres in connection with films of an erotic character. He has also given “stage presentations”  in which were used “living models” and “human charts”.

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Taylor puts out an elaborate little book “The Male Motor”, a treatise devoted to the promotion of a device called the “Thermalaid”, a rectal dilator with a rheostat attachment.

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the gay lord and the doctor of lust

Helmut Hauser had a normal happy childhood until he contracted tuberculosis of the hip when he was sixteen. His parents sent him to a sanatorium in Switzerland run by a doctor named Benedict Lust.

Benedict Lust

Dr Lust was the founder of American naturopathy and the author of a book on zone therapy. Dr Harold Dick was also a naturopath who became interested in this field when he was miraculously cured of boils and his sister in law expelled a cancerous tumour through her vagina – all thanks to one of Dr Lust’s follower’s, Dr Carroll.

Helmut was so impressed with Dr Lust‘s cure that he decided to devote his life to the promotion of nutrition, health and beauty. For this venture he adopted the new name of Gayelord Hauser and launched Swiss Kriss Laxatives.

Gayelord and Garbo

Inspired by this early success Gayelord moved himself and his well-cleansed bowels to pre-War Hollywood where he found a welcoming milieu: the narcissistic youth-obsessed movie community. Soon Marlene and Gloria and all the girls were in the thrall of the good-looking “doctor” who promised to add years to their pampered lives while making them even more beautiful.

Marlene

Nobody was immune to the audacious and over-reaching pronouncements of Herr Hauser:

– “Lack of calcium produces fear of the dark, nail biting and gossiping.”

– “Worry turns the hair grey by destroying the adrenal glands.”

– “Blackstrap molasses will add five years to your life and re-grow hair on bald spots.”

“that wonderful body of yours”

Was he a quack? Maybe just a little bit, but so what! At least he had charisma and fabulosity. When he wasn’t lounging around his groovy pad in Sicily with his boyfriend Frey Brown and his longtime beard Greta Garbo, or playing canasta with Paulette Goddard and the Duchess of Windsor, he was snapping up 90210 real estate. Gayelord was cool because he took his gay tubercular hip and made an unstoppable brand out of it. Having bought whole chunks of Rodeo Drive when it was cheap, he died a wealthy poofter at the ripe old age of 89.

Paulette Goddard and the hard-milled facial that lasts

t shirt friday 26.11.2010

Hope you all enjoyed a happy Thanksgiving… from the nurse xx

men who make passes at girls who wear glasses

It’s been a while since we’ve done a post on iridology

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A typical iridology map divides the eye into sections, using the image of a clock face as a base. So, for example, if you want to know the condition of a patient’s thyroid gland,  you need not touch the patient to feel for any enlargement of the gland. All you need to do is look in the iris of the right eye at about 2:30 and the iris of the left eye at about 9:30. Discolorations, flecks, streaks, etc. in those parts of the eyes are all you need concern yourself with, if it is the condition of the thyroid you wish to know. For problems with the vagina or penis, look at 5 o’clock in the right eye.

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Practitioners of iridology say there are three constitutional types of eye colour

The blue eyed constitution (“lymphatic type”), whose inherent tendencies include: irritated appendix; catarrh with exudations; eczema; acne; dry skin; dandruff; asthma; coughs; bronchitis; sinusitis; diarrhoea; arthritis; vaginal discharge; eye irritations; fluid retention.”

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The pure brown eyed constitution (“haematogenic type”), whose inherent tendencies include: “Anaemia; muscle spasms; endocrine disorders; spleenic disturbances; poor lymphatic drainage; swollen glands; flatulence; constipation; colonic tumour; dyspepsia; ulcers; liver, gallbladder & pancreatic malfunctions; diabetes; auto-intoxication.”

Hide the brown eye

A combination of the two types, whose inherent tendencies include: “Flatulence; constipation; colitis; diabetes; blood diseases; gall-stones; liver, gastro-intestinal weakness with spasm; lymphatic constitutional weaknesses.”

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And then there’s Sanpaku

Generally, there are two types of sanpaku. The first is yin sanpaku, white showing below the iris, which is very common, especially among drug addicts. Here, the iris floats upward, revealing the sclera below. The second type is yang sanpaku, white showing above the iris; here the iris sinks downward toward the bottom eyelid. This reveals a dangerous or violent character. Charles Manson has beautiful yang sanpaku eyes.

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The macrobiotic philosopher George Ohsawa wrote a book called You Are All Sanpaku and dedicated it to John Kennedy and Abraham Lincoln. Ohsawa said they were seriously sanpaku and thus suffered from impaired judgment that indicated poor health and premature death.

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Yin sanpaku, or white showing below the isis, is the result of excessive intake of yin substances, such as sugar, refined grains, alcohol, and medical drugs.

Yang sanpaku, or white showing above the iris, comes from excessive intake of meat, salt, and hard cheeses, and from indulgence in violence. Yang sanpaku shows a character that is self-centered and bent on fulfilling its own ambition, something without regard for the cost.

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what happened to my big beet?

The Ladies Home Journal wasn’t all about hairstyles, recipes and marriage problems in the 1900s. This is an extract from an article written by John Elfreth Watkins Jr: What May Happen in the Next 100 Years:

Prediction #3: Gymnastics will begin in the nursery, where toys and games will be designed to strengthen the muscles. Exercise will be compulsory in the schools. Every school, college and community will have a complete gymnasium. All cities will have public gymnasiums. A man or woman unable to walk ten miles at a stretch will be regarded as a weakling.

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Prediction #11: No Mosquitoes nor Flies. Insect screens will be unnecessary. Mosquitoes, house-flies and roaches will have been practically exterminated. Boards of health will have destroyed all mosquito haunts and breeding-grounds, drained all stagnant pools, filled in all swamp-lands, and chemically treated all still-water streams.

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Prediction #12: Peas as Large as Beets. Peas and beans will be as large as beets are to-day.

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Prediction #14: There will be blue, green and black roses. Roses will be as large as cabbage heads. Violets will grow to the size of orchids. A pansy will be as large in diameter as a sunflower.

Black Rose McGowan

Prediction #16: There will be No C, X or Q in our every-day alphabet. They will be abandoned because unnecessary. Spelling by sound will have been adopted, first by the newspapers. English will be a language of condensed words expressing condensed ideas.

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Prediction #17: A university education will be free to every man and woman. Poor students will be given free board, free clothing and free books if ambitious and actually unable to meet their school and college expenses. Medical inspectors regularly visiting the public schools will furnish poor children free eyeglasses, free dentistry and free medical attention of every kind.

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Prediction #18: Telephones Around the World. Wireless telephone and telegraph circuits will span the world. A husband in the middle of the Atlantic will be able to converse with his wife sitting in her boudoir in Chicago.

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was there hanky panky at Hanko?

In Norway in 1934, Mrs Ingeborg Koeber was accused of drowning her father Judge Dahl at Hanko Beach. Several months prior to this impromptu dip, Ingeborg had predicted the manner of her father’s death while supposedly in a sleeping trance.

Ingeborg

She reportedly heard him call for help and swam out to rescue him, bringing him to shore where he died in her arms. At the inquest, his deputy, Christian Apenes, told the coroner that in December 1933, he attended a Spiritualist séance with Judge Dahl. The medium was Ingeborg Koeber, who communicated a message allegedly from her dead brother, Regnar Dahl whilst in a sleeping trance. The message was that their father would die within a year, but that Apenes must not tell anyone this, including Ingeborg, who would not remember the message when she came out of the trance. The spirit also stated that the same message would be communicated to another medium, a Mrs. Stolt-Nielsen, who was to place it in a sealed envelope.

Judge Dahl

After Judge Dahl’s death, Apenes asked Stolt-Nielsen if she had received the message, and she produced the sealed envelope. Opened in the presence of witnesses, it contained the message, “In August 1934 Ludwig Dahl shall lose his life in an accident.” When these prophecies were revealed by the press, there was considerable scandal and controversy. Some people thought the mayor might have committed suicide under sub-conscious suggestion, others that his daughter had drowned him before bringing him back to shore. It was even suggested that Christian Apenes had hypnotized her and suggested that she murder her father.

The investigation lasted three years, during which it was revealed that the judge’s life insurance policy had expired on the day of his death. The court ultimately found that Judge Dahl’s death was accidental, but the his wife, who had suffered great strain, committed suicide before her daughter’s name was cleared.

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According to Arthur C Clarke’s World of Strange Powers, the Judge had been a passionate believer in his daughter’s powers and wrote five books on the subject. Much of the family’s money had been spent on supporting and promoting Ingeborg’s strange powers and her mother had gone so far as to purloin funds from her work as a community treasurer. As she later wrote in her suicide note “My husband felt it was his life’s work to bring Ingeborg’s message to mankind. In doing so he took a great and unselfish task on his shoulders. But he was quite innocent of the demands of daily living and did not realise that our family economy was threatened.”

It was predicted that Ingeborg father’s death, and the sum of his insurance was identical with the sum which his wife had misappropriated from her office.

In researching this sad story I’ve had to rely a lot upon translations. In the interests of giving my readers a lighter postscript, here’s an example of what I found:

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“Much muffins:

In Købersaken that ended in the courts were dug up a lot of muffins. The autopsy of Louis Dahl showed a flaw in the neck, initially downplayed, it was fully focused on. Ingeborg had killed his father, conscious? But why should she? She adored the father even though he was also a dominant hustyrann.

Købersaken would also eventually be about money. Recorder’s wife who worked in his office had in fact helped themselves of the box. The amount proved to be the same as the life policy they got paid. Lay the motives here?

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tiptoe through the teeth

There are several Luna Parks in different parts of the world as well as one here in Sydney.  Ours has had an interesting history since it opened in 1935.

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Through the years there have been quite a few famous visitors, including a certain Prince Philip of Greece, now the Duke of Edinburgh, who disgraced himself in 1945, while on shore leave, when he was escorted out of the River Caves ride after breaking the rules by getting out of his boat.

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The famous entrance face was designed by Rupert Browne. Luna Park has had several artists-in-residence since Rupert’s reign including Arthur Barton, S. John Ross and the infamous Martin Sharp. During Sharp’s residency, several teeth were stolen from the giant laughing face, the thief was never found.

image: Martin Sharp

In 1979 the tragic fire in the Luna Park Ghost Train claimed seven lives. Martin’s work on the Luna Park Face was ruined, and the park’s theme “Just for Fun” lost its meaning. Like many others, Martin firmly believes the fire was a deliberate act of terrorism aimed at destroying the park and establishing alternative interests. The reason for the arson attack is not hard to discern — Luna Park’s unique location on the northern foreshore of the harbour, adjacent to the north-western tower of the Harbour Bridge, made it a prize of inestimable value to property developers.

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Martin Sharp was also responsible for bringing Tiny Tim to Luna Park where he set a new world record for non-stop professional singing – two hours and fifteen minutes. Tiny was best known for his hit song Tiptoe Through the Tulips which he sung in a falsetto voice whilst accompanying himself on the ukulele.  He was also well known for having married his first wife on the Johnny Carson Tonight Show; they named their daughter Tulip.

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Tiny may have had a touch of OCD, he certainly liked rubbing lotion on his skin. He used Eterna 27, Jergen’s body shampoo, Vaseline Intensive Care (yellow bottle) for his upper torso and Vaseline Intensive Care (green bottle) for the lower half. He applied Oil of Olay 8 times a day.

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dedicated to my wife and her ten children

In 1818 John Cleves Symmes, a retired American army officer, tried to mount an expedition to the North Pole hole.

“I declare the earth is hollow and habitable within; containing a number of solid concentrick spheres, one within the other; I pledge my life in support of this truth, and am ready to explore the hollow, if the world will support and aid me in the undertaking.

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I have ready for the press, a Treatise on the Principles of Matter, wherein I show proofs of the above positions, account for various phenomena, and disclose Doctor Darwin’s Golden Secret. I dedicate this to my Wife and her ten Children.

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Captain Adam Seaborne set out to prove Symmes’ theory was correct.

“At noon, on the 24th of December, we anchored in 14 fathoms of water, on a fine sandy bottom. This land, out of gratitude to Capt. Symmes for his sublime theory, I immediately named SYMZONIA.

There were a number of buildings on the island, one of which from its magnitude and superior appearance to the others, I judged to be a public edifice of some sort.

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I walked slowly up the jettee. When I reached the head of it, I took off my hat and made a low bow towards the building, to show the Internals that I had some sense of politeness. No one appeared. I walked up the sloping lawn, stopped, looked about me, and bowed, but still no one appeared to return my civilities.

I recollected, that when Captain Ross was impeded in his progress northward, he met with some men on the ice who told him they came from the north. I remembered that these men so seen by Capt. Ross, saluted him by pulling their noses; and surely it is not surprising that men, inhabiting such different positions on this earth as the inside and outside of it, should differ so much as to consider that a compliment in the one place, which is deemed an insult in the other. I therefore pulled my nose very gracefully, without uncovering my head.

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This had the desired effect. Several persons from within the building assembled on the platform of the portico. I dared not advance towards them, lest I should put them all to flight, being sensible that it was my dark and hideous appearance that created distrust amongst these beautiful natives. I therefore kept my position, occasionally pulling my nose out of politeness.

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Full twenty minutes passed in this suspense; when one of the group, a man near five feet high, came to the threshold of the platform, and, raising his hand to his forehead, he brought it down to the point of his nose, and waved it gracefully in salutation, with a slight inclination of the body, but without actually pulling the nose as I had done. At the same time he spoke to me, in a soft, shrill, musical voice. His language was as unintelligible to me as the notes of a singing bird; but his mode of salutation was not. I caught it with the aptness of a monkey, returned his courtesy after his own fashion, and answered him in English, with as soft a whine as I could affect, that my rude voice might not offend his ears.

image of apt monkey (click to play) found here

Author Rodney Cluff believes in a Hollow Earth still.

“My friend Ivars called me the other day and we reminisced times we spent together talking about the hollow earth. He recounted to me the time he met an airline pilot on a flight to his home town in South Carolina. He said he made a point of sitting next to airline pilots that were getting a free flight by wearing their uniform and going as a passenger. This one pilot turned out to have a very interesting story. Ivars sat down next to him and started asking him questions. What airline did he fly for? Delta Airline. Had he ever flown in the Arctic? Why yes, many times. Did you notice anything unusual up there? Then the pilot just opened up and said, “Well, if you’re wondering if a polar opening exists up there and if I have seen it, I have. All Arctic airline pilots have seen it. But we’re under strict orders from the military through our company not to go around telling people, and if you ever tell anyone I told you this, I could get into a whole lot of trouble. Of course, we can’t fly our airplanes over the hole because it would be like going into space.”

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The message I have taken from this is Avoid Flying with Delta Airlines. At least one of their pilots appears to be as mad as a meataxe. And practice pulling your nose in a graceful manner while whining in a soft voice. You never know when you might trip over a hollow……..

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Bob’s got shingles

Lady Walpole was not impressed with the modern woman of the 1920s

“Girls these days are insane, inane, Eton-cropped, useless, idle and mannish. They smoke doped cigarettes, use bad language, wear practically no clothes and are an abomination to their fellow creatures.’

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Lady Walpole was not alone in her opinion. And many blamed this change in young women to the rage for short hair.

“While King George took no official position on the controversy surrounding bobbed hair, Queen Mary preferred if ladies with short hair would in some way conceal that fact at court functions or royal ceremonies. Hair additions were commonly used to cover the shingled back. Many women actually saved their long locks just so they could use them over their new haircut.

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A teacher in New Jersey was ordered by the Board of Education to let her hair grow back. The Board claimed that women wasted too much time fussing with bobbed locks. Preachers warned parishioners that “a bobbed woman is a disgraced woman.” Men divorced their wives over their haircuts and one large department store fired all employees who had the new cropped styles.

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According to an article published in a New York City paper, “some devotees of the hair-bobbed fashion are complaining of ‘shingle headaches.’ ” The medical profession believes this is nothing but a form of neuralgia caused by the sudden removal of hair from the tender nape of the neck, thus exposing it to the blustery winds. In any event, a new medical term — shingle headache — was coined from the bobbed fad.

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Young men didn’t fare much better when they started a fashion trend of their own.

“Flannel trousers 20” wide at the base have become the rage at Oxford. They come in startling shades varying from canary yellow to wisteria blue. This announcement was followed by a symposium of opinions from the sort of people who always contribute to symposiums – a bishop, a general, an elderly actress and a Harley Street surgeon. All these persons tied themselves up in knots about Oxford trousers, hinting that they were somehow connected with atheism, effeminacy, the decline of the English theatre and chills on the liver.”

affix stamp here

About a decade ago, social scientists conducted an experiment to test the limits of the US Postal Service.

“We sent a variety of unpackaged items to U.S. destinations, appropriately stamped for weight and size, as well as a few items packaged as noted. We sent items that loosely fit into the following general categories: valuable, sentimental, unwieldy, pointless, potentially suspicious, and disgusting. We discovered that although some items were never delivered, most of the objects of even highly unusual form did get delivered, as long as the items had a definitely ample value of stamps attached. The Postal Service appears to be amazingly tolerant of the foibles of its public.

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$1 bill. Sealed in clear plastic, with label attached with address and postage. Days to delivery, 6.

$20 bill. Days to delivery, 4.

Football. Days to delivery, 6. Male postal carrier was talkative and asked recipient about the scores of various current games. Carrier noted that mail must be wrapped.

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Rose. Postage and address were attached to a card that was tied to the stem. Delivery at doorstep, 3 days, beat up but the rose bud was still attached.

Molar tooth. Mailed in clear plastic box. Made a nice rattling sound. Repackaged in padded mailer by unknown individual; the postage and address had been transferred to the outside of the new packaging. A handwritten note in a woman�s writing inside read, “Please be advised that human remains may not be transported through the mail, but we assumed this to be of sentimental value, and made an exception in your case.” Days to delivery, 14.

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Sound-emitting toy. A monkey-in-box toy that, upon shaking, shouted, “Let me out of here! Help! Let me out of here!” Addressed in big letters to LITTLE JOHNNIE. Sound toy was equipped with a new battery. Delivery at doorstep, 6 days.

Hammer. Card was strapped to hammer handle; extra-large amount of postage was attached. Never received.

Feather duster. The card with postage and address was attached by wire to the handle. Days to notice of delivery, 6. Clerk at station commented that mail must be wrapped.

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Ski. A large amount of postage was affixed to a card that was attached to the ski. The ski was slipped into a bin of postage that was being loaded into a truck behind a station (a collaborating staff member created a verbal disturbance up the street to momentarily distract postal worker’s attention). Notice of postage due received, 11 days. Upon pickup at the station, the clerk and supervisor consulted a book of postage regulations together for 2 minutes and 40 seconds before deciding on additional postage fee to assess. Clerk asked if mailing specialist knew how this had been mailed; our recipient said she did not know. Clerk also noted that mail must be wrapped.

Never-opened small bottle of spring water. We observed the street corner box surreptitiously the following day upon mail collection. After puzzling briefly over this item, the postal carrier removed the mailing label and drank the contents of the bottle over the course of a few blocks as he worked his route.

Helium balloon. The balloon was attached to a weight. The address was written on the balloon with magic marker; no postage was affixed. Our operative argued strongly that he should be charged a negative postage and refunded the postal fees, because the transport airplane would actually be lighter as a result of our postal item. This line of reasoning merely received a laugh from the clerk. The balloon was refused; reasons given: transportation of helium, not wrapped.

balloon

Street sign. Conceivably a stolen item, or illegal possession. Notice of attempted delivery received, 9 days. Handed over at station with comment that mail must be wrapped.

Box of sand. Packaged in transparent plastic box to be visible to postal employees. Sent to give an impression of potentially hiding something. The plastic box had obviously been opened before delivery and then securely taped shut again. Delivery without comment at doorstep, 7 days.

Deer tibia. Our mailing specialist received many strange looks from both postal clerks and members of the public in line when he picked it up at the station, 9 days. The clerk put on rubber gloves before handling the bone, inquired if our researcher were a “cultist,” and commented that mail must be wrapped.

walking stick

Large wheel of cheese. The cheese was already extremely ripe (rancid) at the time of mailing. Mailed in cardboard box. The cheese had oiled its way through the bottom of the cardboard box by the time of pickup, 8 days. The box had been placed in a plastic bag.

Dead fish, old seaweed, etc. Mailed in cardboard box. Notice to pick up at station, 7 days. The postal supervisor warned our mailing specialist that he could be fined for mail service abuse, even as a recipient, should this happen again.

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