spreadeagled

Recently I saw Tabloid, Errol Morris’ great documentary about the antics of Joyce McKinney.

image found here

Joyce was an ex beauty queen who came out of the Appalachians to join the Church of the Latter Day Saints (better known as the Mormons) and who, after failing to get off with Wayne Osmond, began a relationship with a certain Kirk Anderson.

image found here

When Kirk was sent to London to spread the word of God to the heathen English, Joyce and her friend Keith May hired a pilot and a bodyguard and followed him there. McKinney and May then kidnapped Anderson, threatening him with replica guns, bundling him into a car and taking him to a rented cottage, where he was held captive for three days. Whilst there … well, this is how the London Evening News of 23 November 1977 reported the committal proceedings at Epsom magistrates court:

image found here

A young Mormon missionary told today how an ex-beauty queen kidnapped him and then made love to him while he was chained to a bed in a lonely cottage.

Kirk Anderson, 21, said the girl, Joyce McKinney, and her friend, Keith May, tied down his arms and legs with leather straps, padlocks, chains and rope, so that he was spreadeagled.

image found here

May then left the room while Miss McKinney tore off his blue silk pyjamasThe chains were tight and I could not move. She proceeded to have intercourse. I did not want it to happen. I was very upset.’

That’s the essence of the story and you can probably understand the media meltdown that resulted. You’ve got most of what you need for a decent tabloid sensation: an attractive young woman, a serious young man, kinky sex, and a wacky religion. But more than that, Ms McKinney herself was sensational. She spoke in a Southern drawl that was fabulously exotic in itself and she had no apparent inhibition, absolutely no sense of reticence at all.

Joyce and friend found here

‘Kirk has to be tied up to have an orgasm. I co-operated because I loved him and wanted to help him. Sexual bondage turns him on because he doesn’t have to feel guilty. The thought of being powerless before a woman seems to excite him. I didn’t have to give him oral sex … I did do it at his request because he likes it.’ 

carrot top found here

But before her trial could start Joyce donned a red wig and disguised herself as a member of a mime troupe jumped bail, and fled to America, via Ireland and Canada. The tabloids went wild. Without the sub judice restrictions, they were able to print all the salacious details they’d acquired of her career in soft-core porn and every last piece of tittle-tattle that had accumulated around this extraordinary woman.

She spent five weeks in hiding then resurfaced at the Hilton Hotel in Atlanta, Georgia, dressed as a nun. No extradition warrant was issued. William Hucklesby, the detective who led the inquiry, said: “My own view is that we were well rid of her.”

Sophia Loren found here

Fast forward to 2008…….

A middle-aged blonde calling herself Bernann McKinney made headlines this week when five identical puppies were created using an ear from her dead pitbull. Reports from Seoul, explaining that Ms McKinney had paid £25,000 for the procedure to create five genetically identical replicas of her pet in the first transaction of its kind led to furious speculation about her true identity. At first she denied it, but later Joyce admitted to being the woman who once loved a Mormon so much she would have skied down Mount Everest in the nude with a carnation up her nose.’

image by Vargas found here

If you have 12 minutes to spare it’s worth watching what happens when Joyce makes an impromptu appearance on stage while Errol Morris is being interviewed at a film festival. QueenWilly, I know you and The King will want to see this little gem (and read the comment left by “truthteller” here)

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36 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Watching the video … just gobsmacked.

    • Oh, watching her embarrass herself is painful. And now I’ve read the comment. Gold, just gold.

      And his name is “Errol”, Joyce, not “Earl”. Cripes.

  2. Wow. First.

    I’ll watch anything Errol Morris does. He just wrote a four-part article in the NY Times about how his brother invented email! It’s true!

    Not all Mormons are party poopers. I had a Mormon girlfriend and she imbibed in all the popular sins.

    Poor Carrot Top.

    • Did you like “The Fog of War”? One of my favourites.

      • I’ve seen Fog of War but I think Fast, Cheap and Out of Control will always have a special place in my heart

  3. Wow. The movie sounds amazing. The comments by truthteller made me giggle. I have a theory that more than 5 all capitalized words in an e mail means you’re insane. My friend’s crazy ex just sent her a ranting entirely capitalized e mail. Nuff said.

  4. I vaguely recall the name Joyce McKinney! But I was too young at the time to read all the salacious tittle tattle… and far too distracted by the Bay City Rollers.
    Sx

    • Oh dear… the tartan terrors?

  5. I want someone to kidnap me . . anyone want to volunteer?

    • Joyce is still available…..

  6. Looks as if Carrot Top’s been juicing… and I don’t think any vegetables were involved…

  7. Wow…I honestly don’t even know what to say.

    Besides that Carrot Top is a hot mess.

  8. I shall look at all nuns suspiciously from now on.

    • I think you’ll find their looks returned in much the same way daddyp

  9. I love Errol Morris. He’s the reigning genius of his genre, though I’m curious about how he decides on the subjects for his documentaries. There seems to be no common theme or approach.

    Heaven’s Gate — Pet Cemeteries
    Thin Blue Line — A Corrupt Murder Investigation in Texas
    A Brief History of Time, The Movie — Quantum Physics and the life of Stephen Hawking
    Fast, Cheap & Outta Control — Lion Taming, Topiary Gardening, African Naked Mole Rats and AI Robotics (all at the same time)
    Fog of War — Robert McNamara & the Vietnam War

    And now this.

    Though, something is to be said for being such an artist that you can address any subject matter.

    Now, if only Werner Herzog would learn the same lessons.

    • Herzog? I love My Best Fiend and Grizzly Man

  10. I wouldn’t mind a gorgeous woman tearing off my blue silk pyjamas. But tying me down with chains and rope ain’t my bag. That’s not something they went in for at my English public school.

  11. On a scale of 1-10, compared to Sophia Joycie barely gets a .5

  12. I thought it was only in satirical spoofs that anyone escaped anything disguised as a mime.

  13. I must have misheard, but I thought it was “…with a carnation up her arse…”

  14. Such interesting people you find to enlighten us about. 🙂

  15. So what ever happened to Kirk?

    • Everyone wants to know!

      • He married a good Mormon girl and had a posse of children

  16. Very odd … I’ve never loved anyone enough to put a carnation in any orifice … come to think of it, I don’t even like them in a vase!

    • Oh that’s just begging for the Dr Seuss treatment:

      “I do not like them in a vase, I do not like them in my arse …”

  17. Carrot Top sure has been eating a lot of spinach.

  18. Thank you Nursie. The appearance with Errol is fab – and that comment! Priceless.

    Kirk, Kirk, we really want an interview with you!!!!!!!!!

    • She loves an audience doesn’t she?

  19. Wonder how many saints she caused to fall off the bandwagon?

  20. Ah the glrious Manacled Mormon case. I remember well how our press went apeshit over the story back in the 70s. I was amused when she resurfaced a couple of years ago in relation to the cloned dogs, all named booger!

  21. Joyce was kind of a butter face.

    • What’s a “butter face”?

  22. Well there’s a woman that does things on her own terms, right?

  23. Mormons, bondage, nuns, jailbreak…that’s hard to top.


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