this is your captain speaking…..

The story of the bogus “Captain of Kopenick” made nearly all of Germany rock with laughter.

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Between 1864 and 1891, Wilhelm Voigt was sentenced to prison for a total of 25 years for thefts and forgery. The longest sentence was a conviction for 15 years for theft. He was released on 12 February 1906.

Voigt then hoboed from place to place until he went to live with his sister in Rixdorf near Berlin but police expelled him as undesirable, based solely on the fact that he was a former prisoner. Officially he left for Hamburg, although he remained in Berlin as an unregistered resident.

Rixdorf

On 16 October 1906 Voigt was ready for his next caper. Previously he had purchased parts of used captain’s uniforms from different shops and tested their effect on soldiers.  Voigt took the uniform out of baggage storage, put it on and went to the local army barracks, hailed four grenadiers and a sergeant and told them to come with him. Indoctrinated to obey officers without question, they followed. He dismissed the commanding sergeant to report to his superiors and later commandeered 6 more soldiers from a shooting range. Then he took a train to Köpenick, east of Berlin, occupied the local city hall with his soldiers and told them to cover all exits. He told the local police to “care for law and order” and to “prevent calls to Berlin for one hour” at the local post office.

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He had the treasurer von Wiltberg and mayor Georg Langerhans arrested, supposedly for suspicions of crooked bookkeeping, and confiscated 4002 marks and 37 pfennigs – with a receipt, of course (he signed it with his former jail director’s name). Then he commandeered two carriages and told the grenadiers to take the arrested men to the Neue Wache in Berlin for interrogation. He told the remaining guards to stand in their places for half an hour and then left for the train station. He later changed into civilian clothes and disappeared.

pfennig

Voigt was arrested on 26 October and on 1st December sentenced to four years in prison for forgery, impersonating an officer and wrongful imprisonment. However, much of the public opinion was on his side and Kaiser Wilhelm II pardoned him in 1908. There are some claims that even the Kaiser had been amused by the incident, referring to him as an amiable scoundrel, and being pleased with the authority and feelings of reverence that his military obviously commanded in the general population.

Wilhelm

The English were also amused, seeing it as provided confirmation of their stereotypes about Germans. In an October 1906 issue, the editors of The Illustrated London News would note gleefully:

For years the Kaiser has been instilling into his people reverence for the omnipotence of militarism, of which the holiest symbol is the German uniform. Offenses against this fetish have incurred condign punishment. Officers who have not considered themselves saluted in due form have drawn their swords with impunity on offending privates.

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a peek inside the mind of myra

A couple of weeks ago I revealed how the phrase “did Aristotle Onassis sponsor sex change surgery?” led me to an interesting site about transsexuals. Recently I was reading an old article about Sammy Davis Jnr and his Swedish wife May Britt and I wondered if might be something I could hang a blog post on…..

“May marries Sammy Davis, Jr., at his Hollywood home above Sunset Strip. He’s 34; she’s 26; the press gives her age as 24. The Jewish rites are performed by Rabbi William M. Kramer of Hollywood’s Temple Israel. Frank Sinatra is best man, and Mrs. George Rhodes is matron of honor. May almost misses her wedding when a severe attack of intestinal flu with a 103-degree fever beds her hours before the ceremony. After the rites she returns to bed, and Davis goes solo to a reception at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Poor May, what a lousy way to spend your first night as a bride. Googling “May Britt wedding night” didn’t reveal any more about Sammy & Co, but I did discover another Britt whose wedding was even worse

“Flabbergasted bride Britt Kallstrom’s plans for a romantic honeymoon went awry just 2 hours after her wedding when her policeman husband arrested her for drunk driving. Beautiful Britt lay all alone in a bug infested jail cell while the grim faced groom said he had no choice but to throw the girl of his dreams into the hoosegow. “I warned her she was too drunk to drive, when she got in the car and drove off I had no choice.” Britt says she “screamed and scratched and bit him but he just kept writing out the arrest report”

image (not Britt) found here

Do my readers recognise this lurid style of journalism? It’s from the Weekly World News – a publication I’d not previously had the pleasure of reading. Click the link and you could get lost for hours reading gems such as this one about unfortunate bride Elizabeth Muller’s life….

Her husband Werner eats cockroaches for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He said  “They bugged me for years, then I figured out how to get rid of them. I started gobbling up every one in sight. They’re a superb source of protein, one of nature’s best balanced snacks. I was a little squeamish about eating them so the first time I sautéed them in butter and then drowned them in chocolate syrup. They’re great in meatloaf too. All you have to do is chop them up and add them to the mixture, It’s hard to tell the difference between them and ground beef.”

image found here

Weekly World News also helps me keep with the nursing theme here at the gimcrack…..

“Sexy stripper Senta Auer was charged with manslaughter after she put on a scorching show at a local nursing home – and two bug-eyed old men died of heart attacks. Outraged investigators also filed charges against shell-shocked Hans Lehn, nursing home owner who hired her.

“I talked to some of the nurses to see if anybody would be offended and they all thought it was a great idea.”

Senta said “I’d just taken off my top and flung it into the crowd when I heard a gasp and one old man toppled over clutching his chest. a couple of seconds later another old man collapsed near the stage. I hopped down to help him but they told me to get away because I was making things worse. …..”

This image is of Senta Berga NOT Senta Auer. While looking for a photo of Senta, I found this fabulous site devoted to hairstyles. Be sure to check out Pamela Tiffin’s amazing mane.

Published in: on January 14, 2010 at 7:06 am  Comments (38)  
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perversion finishing school

Back in 1964 Candace Mossler was getting tired of her husband Jacques. An ex toothpaste model who once ran her own Finishing School for Southern Belles, she’d married the much older financier when she was 22.

restless virgin

Sometime in the intervening years she invited her sister’s son, Melvin to move in with them and their children. Melvin quickly replaced Jacques in Candace’s affections and before too long Jacques found himself living alone with his dog on Key Biscayne. In June he was found bludgeoned to death and with thirty nine stab wounds to his body. Foul play by Candace and Melvin was quickly suspected…..

Legendary Texas attorney Percy Foreman was imported to head the powerful defense team. He maintained that Jacques Mossier’s sexual appetites—”transvestitism, homosexuality, voyeurism and every conceivable type of perversion, masochism, sadism,”—had caused his own death; he was murdered, said Foreman, by a slighted homosexual lover.

dictionary_of_homosex

In the end, it may have been Candy’s charm that carried the day more than Foreman’s defense. She made herself endlessly available to the press, always wearing a glamorous smile, and public opinion turned in her favor. She and Melvin Powers were both found not guilty of murder charges. No killer was ever found, nor even sought, because the police knew they had their perps and didn’t bother looking elsewhere, acquittal notwithstanding.

Five years after the trial, she married Barnett Garrison, a Houston electrician. He was 33 and she 52. They lived together briefly in the old Mossler mansion in Houston.

snowfire

Thirteen months after the marriage, Garrison was crippled in a fall from the room of the house. The couple had been fighting that night and Garrison went out drinking alone. He returned late without keys and apparently tried to climb up to Candy’s third-floor bedroom. Candy divorced him.

Barnett Garrison was severely brain damaged and, after the death of his devoted protector and mother, he looked set to end his days in Sugar Land Oaks Guest Home, a facility not unlike the Gimcrack. And then he met care worker, 73 year old Niecee Wolcik.

all night nurse

They began to have conversations at her desk. Nearly everyone had learned of Barnett’s crush, if only from the way he ogled Niecee. Her feelings for him, however, were not widely known until the dance on Valentine’s Day, when Niecee slowly waltzed with Barnett to “Let Me Call You Sweetheart,” the staff watching in awe.

physical culture in the violent ward

Every Saturday, Niecee began meeting Barnett at Viking Archery but they didn’t spend much time at the range. Niecee would help him into her car, and then they would go parking at Richmond State Park.

Being a sensible 73-year-old woman, Niecee never let things get too out of hand. Before long, Niecee was telling Barnett that she was not a plaything and was not here to play games. It was either marriage or nothing.

Niecee quit her job at the rest home. She returned a few days later and signed the register “Niecee Garrison,” and took her man home.

Barnett’s family were shocked by this development and took steps to annul the marriage.

The court was swayed by Dr. Steiner, who said Barnett could never have understood the marriage ceremony. Niecee even heard that Barnett didn’t know what he was doing when he consummated their union. But she had been there: she knew that if there was one thing Barnett understood, it was that.

tied up

So things did not end well for the two lovers. Barnett returned to life at Sugar Land Oaks and Niecee  got a new job at another facility. I hope it was one where the band played “Let Me Call You Sweetheart”…..

private lesson

Published in: on November 28, 2009 at 6:09 am  Comments (26)  
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“we’re all goin’ on a summer holiday”

nursemyra has been reading “Working Stiff”, the memoir of Grant Stoddard who wrote a column detailing his sexploits for Nerve.com

One assignment was to attend Leather Camp, a Pennsylvanian retreat for S&M enthusiasts.

BoiledAlive

“About twenty-five yards from our car there was a fifty-year-old man dressed as a little girl, with a bright red wig, pink dress, white knee-high socks and Mary Jane shoes. He looked like a dry-cured Strawberry Shortcake. He skipped along the dirt road before hopping into a buggy and taking the reins. “HYAH!” he squealed, jerking his steed into motion.
The steed was a sixty-year-old man. He wore a harness, black boots, blinders, a bit for his mouth, a butt plug with faux horsetail and a cock ring.

modern mechanix

Face harness found at Modern Mechanix

Everybody was talking about “doing a scene” with one person or another: “I’ve got a bondage scene with whatsherface on Sunday at two, a humiliation scene with Donkeyboi on Friday morning.”

donkeyboy

A petite blonde woman is leading around a huge, white, naked, entirely hairless man who has “SLAVE” tattooed over his pubic bone. What’s really unusual is that the gentleman seems to lack any identifiable genitalia. In the area where one would normally find a penis, there’s something that looks like the tied-up end of a balloon. His testicles are not in evidence. I wondered if he had tucked everything inside, like Samurai warriors did before going into battle.***

Leather Camp is not the only sex experiment he writes about. He tries sploshing, participating in orgies and porn flicks and learning to play clothing-optional bridge. And in case you’re wondering…. yes, he did get paid to put his penis in these experimental places……

Question of the Day: Would you take a job which required you to spend a weekend at an S & M summer camp? Leave your answers in the comments section below….

*** Here’s a Bonanza tutorial about how to tuck your nutsack (should the need arise) and a nursemyra one for good measure

Published in: on July 15, 2009 at 8:04 am  Comments (32)  

how to make your own x-ray machine

nursemyra likes doing crosswords and playing mah jongg. relatively tame hobbies compared to Harry Simon’s  penchant for making his own X-ray machines. 

harrys-x-ray-machine

Fortunately for us, Harry has listed a couple of dos and don’ts for those who are tempted to try this experiment at home (don’t tell me you’re not interested, reverend tethercow.com)

Whenever the machine is in operation, the experimenter must wear a lead apron and stand well behind the orifice through which the rays are emitted. Never turn your back on the machine so that you are between it and the apron! It is also advisable to place a few exploratory samples of film around the room while the apparatus is in operation. When developed, these will show the pattern of radiation and protective lead shielding can be installed accordingly. Finally, resist the temptation to make X-ray examinations of the bones in your hands or other body parts. A frozen fish makes a much safer test object.

xraypicofblowjob

Published in: on January 27, 2009 at 7:29 am  Comments (33)  

sexy checkered past

nursemyra loves to play mahjongg, but many years ago she dabbled badly in chess. this is a game with a laudable history, the second book to be printed in the English language (in 1474) was Game and Playe of the Chesse.

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Glamour Chess by Dany Pedro

Hippocrates believed chess cured diarrhoea while Galen thought it was the best treatment for erysipelas. Iran is the only country in the world that bans chess. The Ayatollah Khomeini once said that the game affected memory and could even cause brain damage.

3way-chess

3 way sex chess

Recently, chess has become a much sexier game with its own pinup girls and calendars. And who can forget Garry Kasparov’s recent runin with a dildo attached to a helipcopter. Much more imaginative than a flying shoe!

chapman-chess-set

chess set by Jake and Dino Chapman

Ian has a great chess set to show you here

Published in: on January 5, 2009 at 7:05 am  Comments (29)  

presentation is everything

nursemyra loves a spoof, especially one where the creator keeps a straight face throughout. Burton Silver and illustrator Heather Busch published a charming little book called Kokigami about the ancient Japanese art of gift wrapping a penis to enhance and prolong love making. a lot of people took the idea seriously, I’d like to have been a fly on the wall when measurements were being taken according to these instructions.

For accurate sizing the organ should be firmly pressed against the screen image. As this creates a rather difficult viewing angle, it is a good idea to get your partner to check your reading. Measure the size at the thickest part (usually the stem) by holding a flat vertical object like a ruler against the organ’s edge and lining it up with the appropriate line.”

(image from Meiji period in Japan)

the letters from supposed enthusiasts are also rather creative

I like my husband wearing the Squid Koki most of all but there’s good news and bad news on the squid front that your readers might like to know about. The good news is that when he’s wearing it in front of our large tropical fish tank, all the fish are attracted to its quivering tentacles and crowd around for a few minutes to take a look.” (Mary, Sydney)

…when Arnold wears the fire engine with the ladder extended, it comes up so high he can blow on it and make it sort of quiver…and I find it really gets me going. (Prue, Auckland)

ah Prue, you must be one very lucky lady……..

Published in: on October 16, 2008 at 7:36 am  Comments (20)  

tons of tongue

how far would you go to give a partner sexual satisfaction? would you allow yourself to look pretty stupid?

some people might argue that there’s plenty of opportunity during sex for both partners to look rather weird. nursemyra likes things that are aesthetically pleasing so I think I’d draw the line at wearing “The Oral Sex Helper”

if you had a partner with ‘exotic’ tastes, how far would you be prepared to go sexually? where would you draw the line? the majority of men who crossdress are straight, I wonder how many women would consider sex with a man wearing female underwear. Is a little light S & M ok or would you balk if someone handed you a paddle? what if your partner was into golden showers?

we’ve covered a lot at the gimcrack over the past twenty months or so. nursemyra has been learning along with her readers. I honestly had no idea that some cultures preferred dry sex nor had I heard of doggie style enhancement straps and ccyell minichairs.

I’m beginning to think my penchant for pearl necklaces and pierced nipples is rather tame compared to some of the ‘philias’ that are out there…….

Published in: on October 12, 2008 at 7:23 am  Comments (26)  

big boy biomechanics

Diane Kelly, a 30-year-old postdoctoral fellow at Cornell, is the first–and to her knowledge only–scientist in the world to study the biomechanics of the mammalian penis. Biomechanically speaking, the male reproductive organ has to do two things. It has to get rigid, and it has to deliver sperm. Kelly made her name in the rigidity arena, solving, as she puts it, “the mechanical problem of how to make something that’s floppy stiff.”

at the moment she’s investigating another element common to many penises: the baculum, or penis bone. Many mammals such as rodents, bats and primates have bacula, and no one knows what they’re for. researchers have assumed that, like most bones, it is a support structure and helps hold the penis rigid. However, unlike most bones, the baculum isn’t attached to muscle or to the rest of the skeleton. It sits like a pencil lead in the core of the penis.

There seems to be quite a variation among penis bones. Kelly has dug out an illustrated paper titled “Bacula of North American Mammals.” Rats are the plain vanilla of the baculum world. Chipmunk bacula resemble garden hoes. Muskrat bacula are crowned with tridents. The ground squirrel baculum looks as though it could serve pasta.

back in the early gimcrack days, nursemyra wrote about an previous employer who had a biomechanical accident and managed to pass it off as a broken baculum. if you haven’t already seen that post you can read about the adventures of Mr Tree here

Published in: on October 7, 2008 at 8:04 am  Comments (18)  

industrial standard sex

nursemyra and many of her readers find the commercial sex industry in Japan rather fascinating. The Sankei Sports Newspaper understands that foreigners may not know how to ask for a particular service so they’ve developed a helpful dictionary

ANARU ZEME [a-na’-ru ze-me]
1) To stimulate the anal area by touching, licking in and around the anus. At adult service places, people usually use a lotion and a fingertip. “zeme” means “attack”
2) To abuse the anal area in the S&M play. This includes enema, cold water, milk and sometimes live loaches etc.

ANUSU NAME [a-nu’-su’ na-me]
To lick anus. This service became available in the 1980s.

CHINGURI GAESHI [chin’-gu-ri ga’-e-shi]
To give you a head with your body held up just like in a wrestling match.

FERACHIO [fe-ra’-chi-o]
“Fellatio.”

GANKI [ga’n-ki]
The service that a masseuse rides on your face and press down her pussy. One of the latest popular services in 2000.

GANSHA [gan-sha’]
To cum on your partner’s face.=BUKKAKE To cum on your own face by accident is called “OUN GOURU (own goal.)”

HONYO KANSATSU [ho’-nyo’ ka’n-sa’-tsu]
“Honyo” is to urinate. “Kansatsu” is to watch. HONYO KANSATSU is to watch your masseuse urine. One of the services that certain kind of place offer.

JUKUJO [ju’-ku-jo]
Women in the middle age.

KAO MISE [kao-mi’-se’]
Generally the massage place will choose a random masseuse for you. However, most massage places offer the chance for choice by doing KAO MISE (to show the pictures of the masseuses available.) You choose the masseuse you want before you pay for the service. This usually requires some extra fee. 1,000yen is industrial standard.

KEMEKO ZURI [ke-me’-ko zu’-ri]
The service that your masseuse with a hairy pussy rides on your belly and rubs your body with lotion.

KUGURI ISU [ku-gu-ri’ i-su’]
A special kind of chair with a unique shape. You sit on it and your masseuse put her hands or head under it to give you a blowjob and do other things. Only expensive places offer this service.

MAJIKKU MIRAA [ma-ji’-kku mi’-ra:]
“Magic mirror.” When you pick your masseuse, there usually is a mirror between you and them so that they don’t have to see you wondering which one you want.

NG SHITEI [enu-ji: shitei]
“Shitei” simply means “to label” or “to rate.” “NG” originally means “to make a mistake during acting on the stage or on the movie set.” In this case, “to label too annoying or strange customers NG and keep them away from certain masseuses who want to avoid them or sometimes even lock them out.” Be nice to them.

RIBASHIBURU [ri-ba:-shi-bu-ru]
“Reversible.” People who can play both S and M.

note: “reversible” erection 🙂

SEISUI [sei-sui]
Holy water. In this case, “urine.”

SENBOKYO [sen-bo’-kyo]
“Periscope.” You get in the bath tub with your masseuse facing each other. And she put her legs under yours to lift them up with knees so that your erect penis pops up just like a periscope. Then she gives you a blowjob. One of the major services that Sopu Rando offers.

SOKU SHAKU [so-ku’ sha-ku’]
The service that your masseuse gives you a blowjob without having you take a shower.

SUKEBE ISU [su-ke-be’ i-su]
A special kind of chair with which a masseuse can wash your crotch with you sitting down. We see more “kuguri isu” lately.

SUPPON [su-p-po’n]
To have a vaginal spasm.

TAMA NAME [ta-ma’ na-me’]
To lick testicles.

TEIKU AUTO [tei-ku’ a-u-to’]
One of the services that you get some goods to go after the service. In most cases, your masseuse’s urine. If you bring a bottle, they give it to you for free. If you don’t, you may have to buy an empty bottle for about 2000yen.

YOBAI PURE [yo-ba’i pu-re’]
“Yobai” is to sneak in your girlfriend’s bed to have sex. This service simulates this situation.

YUBI IRE [yu-bi’ i’-re]
To stick your fingers into your masseuse’s vagina. Usually it is prohibited at most Fasshon Herusu. Sometimes they just let you do it.

Published in: on September 20, 2008 at 12:28 pm  Comments (29)