Thursday’s child has far to go

Thursday Island is at the northerly tip of Australia.

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Anyone who has spent more than a few days on Thursday Island knows the expression “Kubalah wah?”. Politely translated it means “Would you like to have sex?”. In response to this question there are only two possible answers and both of them are “Yes”.

The first means “Yes I would like to” and the second means “Yes but not with you. You are not man (or woman) enough to please me.” A favourite sport among the men, according to Eric Hansen’s book “The Bird Man and the Lap Dancer”, was to sleep, at different times, with the daughter, her mother and her grandmother. This feat was known as the Grand Slam, and according to several men and women it was a common activity enjoyed by all participants. They talked about the Grand Slam in the way that some people talked about golf.

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While staying at the Grand Hotel in the early 1980s, Hansen was introduced to the Thursday Island handshake. This is a traditional form of greeting practiced by the young and sometimes not so young island women. The “handshake” when properly executed, takes place when a stranger, dressed ideally in loose shorts without underpants, is momentarily distracted. At that precise moment the woman reaches up the man’s shorts and gives his penis a friendly tug.

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You might find this knowledge handy if you ever visit Thursday Island.

Published in: on January 27, 2011 at 9:40 am  Comments (56)  
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broody boys

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The tendency for men to become broody when women were nearing childbirth has been noted since ancient times. In a Basque custom the husband of a woman at the end of her pregnancy would take to his bed and pretend to be lying-in. Sometimes he would dress in his wife’s clothes and simulate the cries of labour. While in this condition he would be treated with great consideration, forbidden to handle tools or undertake hard work and given the most delicious foods. When the child was born he would nurse it in bed and receive congratulations from relatives and friends.

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Marco Polo write of this after observing the people of Zardandan.

“After giving birth the woman gets up and goes about her normal chores while her husband retires to bed for 40 days with the baby by his side. All his relatives come to visit and keep up a great festivity because as they say “the woman had had a hard bout of it and ’tis but fair the man should have his suffering too

The Huichol Indians had a different technique for dealing with labour pains

During traditional childbirth, the father sits above his labouring wife on the roof of their hut. Ropes are tied around his testicles and his wife holds onto the other ends. Each time she feels a painful contraction, she tugs on the ropes so that her husband will share some of the pain of their child’s entrance into the world.

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I can’t imagine many men these days allowing a labouring woman to rope their testicles up. The designers at BenjaminMales have come up with this modern day version but whether it will prove to be any more popular remains to be seen.

Published in: on September 20, 2010 at 7:44 am  Comments (44)  
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