the prizefighter, the alleycat and the president


When I think of Groucho Marx I think of cigars and animal crackers and nights at the opera. He also wrote fine letters to people he admired such as T S Eliot

November 1, 1963

Dear Tom

Since you are actually an early American, (I don’t mean you are an old piece of furniture but you are a fugitive from St Louis), you should have heard of Tom Gibbons. For your edification, Tom Gibbons was a native of Minnesota which is only a stone’s throw from Missouri. That is, if the stone is encased in a missile. Tom was, at one time, the light-heavyweight champion of the world.

Tom Gibbons

The name Tom fits many things. There was once a famous Jewish actor named Thomashevsky. All male cats are named Tom – unless they have been fixed. In that case they are just neutral and, as the upheaval in Saigon has just proved, there is no place any more for neutrals.


The third President of the United States first name was Tom…. in case you’ve forgotten Jefferson.

So, when I call you Tom, this means you are a mixture of a heavyweight prizefighter, a male alley cat and the third President of the United States.

Albert the Alley Cat

I have just finished my latest opus, “Memoirs of a Mangy Lover.” Most of it is autobiographical and very little of it is fiction. I doubt whether it will live through the ages, but if you are in a sexy mood the night you read it, it may stimulate you beyond recognition and rekindle memories that you haven’t recalled in years.


I would be interested in reading your views on sex, so don’t hesitate. Confide in me. Though admittedly unreliable, I can be trusted with matters as important as that.

My best to you and Mrs. Tom.

Yours, Groucho


Published in: on September 22, 2010 at 8:52 am  Comments (54)  
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