butter me up

In the late 1860s Hippolyte Mege-Mouries was commissioned by the French navy to find a cheap substitute for butter.

He chopped up a quantity of beef suet, minced in some sheep’s stomach, steeped the mixture in warm slightly alkaline water and declared it to be butter. The flavour was not quite right but when he tried again, adding some chopped cow’s udder and a little warm milk the effect was gratifying.

America was quick to take up the idea. The manufacture of “butterine” offered a way of utilising stockyard byproducts, especially when it was discovered that cow udders and sheep stomachs were superfluous; all that was needed was to melt out the softer elements from the caul fat of oxen and shake them up with milk.

After the release of Last Tango in Paris a slew of young men dreamed of lubricating their partner’s arse with Western Star. A word of advice from the nurse – don’t. Boy Butter is a much better idea. Though not on your toast.

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ModernMechanix recommends the rancid butter treatment, quoting an anonymous “famous surgeon”. Don’t you just love the way he makes butter sound vindictive, mysterious and selective all at the same time?


Published in: on September 6, 2010 at 8:09 am  Comments (38)  
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