georgie’s rules

While still a youth, George Washington transcribed over 100 Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation. Click on the link if you want to see them all, otherwise you can read the most amusing ones here

george washington's teeth

When in Company, put not your Hands to any Part of the Body, not usually Discovered.


Shew Nothing to your Friend that may affright him


In the Presence of Others Sing not to yourself with a humming Noise, nor Drum with your Fingers or Feet

Put not off your Clothes in the presence of Others, nor go out your Chamber half Dressed.


Spit not in the Fire, nor Put your Hands into the Flames to warm them, nor Set your Feet upon the Fire especially if there be meat before it.

Shake not the head, Feet, or Legs, Roll not the Eyes, lift not one eyebrow higher than the other, wry not the mouth, and bedew no mans face with your Spittle.


Do not Puff up the Cheeks, Loll not out the tongue, thrust out the lips, or bite them or keep the Lips too open or too Close.

Let your Discourse with Men of Business be Short and Comprehensive.

greetings convention participants

In visiting the Sick, do not Presently play the Physicion if you be not Knowing therein.


Run not in the Streets, neither go too slowly nor with Mouth open go not Shaking yr Arms kick not the earth with yr feet, go not upon the Toes, nor in a Dancing fashion.


Happy Boxing Day!!!

Published in: on December 26, 2009 at 8:21 am  Comments (26)  
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crisp advice

Recently I read Quentin Crisp’s Manners From Heaven, a slim and delightful book which advise the reader how to glide through life without behaving like a cad.

a minute with venus

One should never introduce a sexual element into a relationship if none is intended, if you do, you cannot claim to be surprised  if someone tries to seduce you. If you have misled someone into thinking you are available, if you have accepted gifts and shown no concern where such generosity might lead, then instead of protesting when The Pounce comes, you should acknowledge responsibility and accept the consequences. In most cases, an act of sex is no more bother than being vaccinated. With good manners you can avoid having to make this sacrifice, but should you find yourself in a situation of your own making, you should stop defending your virtue and start worrying about your maturity. It will give you something to think about while the savage pumper bangs away.


Advice to gentlemen readers

“When you have actually kissed her and she has not squeaked, run away or hit you, you may assume you can proceed further but with caution. A man should treat a woman’s feelings with all the acute respect he would have for nature when shooting the rapids in a wild river. You proceed tentatively in Braille with your seduction, the less said the better.

porn for the blind

Later, when the beast-with-two-backs has finished its lowly task and reverted to its separate selves, and the woman is musing over the mystery of life and you are contemplating the meaninglessness of existence, whilst the two of you are sharing a post-coital cigarette in an effort to boost your mood after so much anxiety and strain, as you lie exhausted after the ritual of compulsive excitation and hollow release, you may well wonder if it was all worth it

When an affair is over

There is probably no polite way of ending an affair except by constantly putting obstacles in the way of further meetings between your unstable self and the man foolish enough to believe he loves you. A man should take three consecutive refusals to meet him as a definite sign that an affair is over. As a general rule in our modern times a man must accept that when the cock cries thrice and is thrice denied it is time to take his erection elsewhere.

martin van maele

Published in: on November 12, 2009 at 7:13 am  Comments (38)  
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