a man’s life

Extracted from The Digest of Hygiene’s “A Man’s Life” by Joseph M Lee

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“Masturbation is a habit that must be practiced alone and may lead to depression and a deep dissatisfaction with oneself. Married men have been known to masturbate. If you do so, even in your married state, you should try to work out some solution with your wife.

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If young men have an idea that they would like to marry a girl who has not cheapened herself, we suggest that you consider leaving a few of them around. While we are on the subject of people who come to a marriage with a “past”, confession may be good for the soul, but it might be a good idea to do your confessing to your doctor or your minister or to the diary you are going to burn before you get married, instead of to your fiancee. 

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If your wife knows nothing of the matters of sex, you must act as a sort of instructor. Explain the function of the marriage ritual as delicately as possible. Explain how she may have an orgasm, and why. Even if it is possible to have coitus on your wedding night, it is possible that it may not be wholly satisfactory. Remember – be a man – not an animal.

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Inability of the man to withstand the stimulation of friction until the wife reaches her climax is one of the main causes for failure and chagrin for many couples. Massaging several times daily with desensitizing cream – to be prescribed only by a physician – will have a calming effect on the male organ. Though there will be erection during the massage, it is not masturbation, but conditioning. 

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Remember, most women, even if strongly sexed, do not experience an orgasm every time. About three successes out of four contacts is considered normal. Inadequate erection or short duration of sexual contact will cause failure of a woman’s response, but the husband can caress the genital area to supplement intercourse and the wife can fortify her husband’s erection by rhythmic manual stimulation. This is neither unnecessary nor undignified for her to do so.

healthy strokes

Since this is (or was) a hospital blog you’re probably expecting a post on TMS to be about transcranial magnetic stimulation. This is not the case today as it’s my sad duty as a medical professional to instead warn you about the dangers of traumatic mastubatory syndrome.

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TMS is the habit some males have of masturbating in a face-down (prone) position. Some TMS practitioners rub their penises against the mattress, pillow, or other bedding, or the floor, others lie on their stomachs and thrust into their hands.*


These sensations are not easily replicated in conventional masturbation or in sexual intercourse. It’s a common experience among males who are used to masturbating face down to engage in sexual intercourse for over half an hour, fail to have an orgasm, and then try to reach orgasm in an atypical way, such as thrusting the penis against his partner’s legs, palm, or bed. Needless to say, the female partners of these men find their behavior unusual and disturbing.**

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Conventional masturbation is a basic sexual skill for males. By not being able to masturbate conventionally, these males are lacking a basic sexual skill. Dr. Lawrence I. Sank reiterates that masturbation is supposed to be performed with the hand while lying supine. The very nature of TMS means that it can only be done in bed. Normal males can masturbate almost anywhere.

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Most men with TMS, if they can have intercourse at all, are usually limited to the “missionary” position. They also report an inability to achieve orgasm from fellatio.*** Since they are unable to manually stimulate themselves to orgasm, naturally they are unable to have manual intercourse performed on them by a partner. The majority of males who masturbate conventionally have had intercourse successfully in at least five positions.

Let’s take a step back from masturbation and talk about ejaculation. It’s necessary for males past puberty to ejaculate. The male sexual organs produce a number of fluids that have to be eliminated periodically. Doctors specializing in sexuality generally agree that a male must ejaculate at least once every two weeks to avoid damage to his sexual functioning.

A rule of thumb in males under 30 is

M = 8 – (2 * I)

where M is the weekly masturbation frequency and I is the weekly frequency of sexual intercourse. So, a male under 30 who has intercourse twice a week probably masturbates four times a week while one without a partner probably masturbates eight times a week.

A sign that you’re masturbating in a healthy fashion is that you recognize that orgasm is imminent but consciously decide to put it off for a while so you can enjoy masturbating longer. That’s a skill that will be most useful when having sex with women.

Friends who’ve met me in real life have heard the sorry tale of nursemyra and Mattress Man. Yes, dear reader, long long ago I met a somewhat amusing, seemingly intelligent and not too unattractive male who inveigled his way into my bed. There was some kissing, a touch of foreplay, an unsuccessful attempt at fellatio….. followed by some frantic thrusting and the deflowering of my Sealy Posturepedic.

Mattress Man lay back upon my ravished sheets in a state of post coital bliss. Having not then attained the wealth of medical knowledge I now possess, I could only look on in wide eyed horror and dream that one day in the future I’d be able to laugh and share this poignant moment with a few hundred strangers around the globe……

from Married To The Sea (click to enlarge)

* Tick

** Double tick

*** Triple tick

toys of terror

We’ve talked about old anti-masturbation devices before at the gimcrack. Several of them are mentioned in this article which also features a couple that are new to nursemyra such as the inventions of Frank Orth and Joseph Lee

Frank Orth came up with this device, as bulky as a major kitchen appliance, which spoke directly to prevalent belief that as the body heated up under covers it became more sexually responsive.

The motor drove a fan that forced cooling air down a tube into rubber drawers fitted with circulation bladders.”

Orth also held a patent on a water-based cooling system. “Each of these thermal harness systems was installed permanently in the bedroom, like a piece of furniture. At night, the user would fit his body into the device and then, along with the trailing straps, wires and flexible pipes, slide under the covers.”

Mr. Joseph Lee engineered this beauty, a harness you wore to bed that sensed an erection, which activated an electrical circuit that could be hooked up to your choice of a phonograph, gramophone or graphophone and thus awaken the endangered sleeper with music or an inspirational talk.

Harnessing your family jewels to a gramophone might sound like a strange idea but at least it wouldn’t be as painful as some of the anti-rape devices mentioned in this article.  Ever mindful of my readers delicate sensibilities, I will only include a quote about the least terrifying.

The tamest, created by Joel D Rumph and Lynda K Warren, would inject the penis with a fast-working sedative. What you then do with the comatose attacker lying on top of you, the patent does not say. Indeed, all the designs display very basic problems, explaining why none seems to have been produced.

James H Bowen of Philadelphia came up with this bright idea in 1889

In the aesthetic design of his device, he appears to have drawn inspiration from the restraining mechanisms of horse bridles. A little metal hat was placed over the head of the penis, with small chains on either side dropping down to the end of spring-loaded clips. The clips were then securely clasped to tufts of pubic hair at the base of the penis.

When a nocturnal erection began, and the penis enlarged beyond the length of the chains, the pubic hair was pulled, causing the kind of pain guaranteed to wake the naughty dreaming sleeper who was, according to Bowen, “thereby enabled to prevent or check the discharge.”


Published in: on December 7, 2009 at 6:38 am  Comments (41)  
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