Recently I saw Tabloid, Errol Morris’ great documentary about the antics of Joyce McKinney.

image found here

Joyce was an ex beauty queen who came out of the Appalachians to join the Church of the Latter Day Saints (better known as the Mormons) and who, after failing to get off with Wayne Osmond, began a relationship with a certain Kirk Anderson.

image found here

When Kirk was sent to London to spread the word of God to the heathen English, Joyce and her friend Keith May hired a pilot and a bodyguard and followed him there. McKinney and May then kidnapped Anderson, threatening him with replica guns, bundling him into a car and taking him to a rented cottage, where he was held captive for three days. Whilst there … well, this is how the London Evening News of 23 November 1977 reported the committal proceedings at Epsom magistrates court:

image found here

A young Mormon missionary told today how an ex-beauty queen kidnapped him and then made love to him while he was chained to a bed in a lonely cottage.

Kirk Anderson, 21, said the girl, Joyce McKinney, and her friend, Keith May, tied down his arms and legs with leather straps, padlocks, chains and rope, so that he was spreadeagled.

image found here

May then left the room while Miss McKinney tore off his blue silk pyjamasThe chains were tight and I could not move. She proceeded to have intercourse. I did not want it to happen. I was very upset.’

That’s the essence of the story and you can probably understand the media meltdown that resulted. You’ve got most of what you need for a decent tabloid sensation: an attractive young woman, a serious young man, kinky sex, and a wacky religion. But more than that, Ms McKinney herself was sensational. She spoke in a Southern drawl that was fabulously exotic in itself and she had no apparent inhibition, absolutely no sense of reticence at all.

Joyce and friend found here

‘Kirk has to be tied up to have an orgasm. I co-operated because I loved him and wanted to help him. Sexual bondage turns him on because he doesn’t have to feel guilty. The thought of being powerless before a woman seems to excite him. I didn’t have to give him oral sex … I did do it at his request because he likes it.’ 

carrot top found here

But before her trial could start Joyce donned a red wig and disguised herself as a member of a mime troupe jumped bail, and fled to America, via Ireland and Canada. The tabloids went wild. Without the sub judice restrictions, they were able to print all the salacious details they’d acquired of her career in soft-core porn and every last piece of tittle-tattle that had accumulated around this extraordinary woman.

She spent five weeks in hiding then resurfaced at the Hilton Hotel in Atlanta, Georgia, dressed as a nun. No extradition warrant was issued. William Hucklesby, the detective who led the inquiry, said: “My own view is that we were well rid of her.”

Sophia Loren found here

Fast forward to 2008…….

A middle-aged blonde calling herself Bernann McKinney made headlines this week when five identical puppies were created using an ear from her dead pitbull. Reports from Seoul, explaining that Ms McKinney had paid £25,000 for the procedure to create five genetically identical replicas of her pet in the first transaction of its kind led to furious speculation about her true identity. At first she denied it, but later Joyce admitted to being the woman who once loved a Mormon so much she would have skied down Mount Everest in the nude with a carnation up her nose.’

image by Vargas found here

If you have 12 minutes to spare it’s worth watching what happens when Joyce makes an impromptu appearance on stage while Errol Morris is being interviewed at a film festival. QueenWilly, I know you and The King will want to see this little gem (and read the comment left by “truthteller” here)

the foot fetishist and the duchess

Jimmy Donahue was the black sheep grandson of Frank Woolworth

Jimmy Donahue found here

Jimmy was born bad. Knowing he would never have to work in his life, he devised a career for himself – that of mischief-making. His antics were shocking. Only his wealth and social position kept him out of jail. Dressed as a nun he instructed his chauffeur to stop in the middle of the Lake Worth Bridge, pulled up his nun’s habit and squatted. Two passing cars collided. A parachutist and skilled pilot, he flew under the same bridge and buzzed an aircraft carrier, which got him in trouble.

not your usual nun found here

Friends never knew when he would take off his clothes in public or pee in a dish at elegant dinner parties. At other times, he would dress as a prostitute or act out the life of a male hustler or pad a dress with pillows and pretend to be the grand society hostess Elsa Maxwell.

image found here

Most of his time was spent with the super rich. His love for the theater offered a string of chorus boys on tap, but there was a dark side. He shocked everyone when he said he once slept with a cadaver and enjoyed it. It is also rumored he murdered his lover and participated in a brutal stabbing. His good friend was New York Cardinal Francis Spellman, an atrocious homosexual and sexual predator. There were many pranks. But the best was taking the Duchess of Windsor to bed.

Cardinal Spellman and friends found here

Jimmy first met the Duchess at the Palm Beach Palace hotel. He was 25 and she was 44.  For the next four years, they were inseparable as the poor, ageing Duke played the tormented cuckold. Nobody else suspected, because Jimmy, until this point , had been a hugely promiscuous homosexual.

Wallis Simpson found here

By 1950, the Duke and Duchess of Windsor had been married for 13 years and their relationship was largely one-way traffic, with the Duke gaining gratification from his hectoring and abusive wife while she refused him sexual satisfaction.

The Duke, a straight repressed foot fetishist with an interest in masochism, was into sexual self abasement such as nanny/child scenes; he wore diapers, she was the mistress, etc. While Jimmy and the Duchess had non-penetrative and principally oral sex, the Duke looked the other way.

Duke of Windsor found here

She married a King, but screwed a queen,’ was one observation made of the Duchess’s affair with the homosexual Jimmy.

In the end, wiser counsels prevailed – and Jimmy was getting bored anyway. There was a row, Jimmy kicked her on the shin, drawing blood, and finally the tiny Duke gathered up enough courage to shout: ‘We’ve had enough of you now. Get out!’ 

Jimmy went back to the life he’d known before, queening it round the Fifth Avenue bars strictly reserved for New York’s gay upper-crust. When people asked him about the Windsors, he would say: ‘Oh, them! Don’t you know I’ve abdicated?’

From an article by Don Paulson found here

“One night on our way to Peabody’s he asked, ‘Can you get me an Eskimo? I’ve always wanted an Eskimo.’ ‘What age?,’ I asked. ‘What age?! I didn’t think I could get that much service here!’ he replied. Jimmy had tricked all over the world and I mused that an Eskimo was probably the only person left he hadn’t gone to bed with.

Australian band Eskimo Joe found here

“When we got to Madame Peabody’s I started looking for an Eskimo, but I only saw local Indians. Finally, I went up to a good looking Indian and said, ‘I’m looking for an Eskimo.’ He replied, ‘Well, I used to live in Alaska.’ I said, ‘Fine, are you gay?’ ‘No, but I’ll do anything for a price,’ he replied.

“I asked, ‘Do you know how to rub noses?’ He replied, ‘Why would I want to rub noses? You mean rub some guys nose on the floor?’ ‘No, rub noses, that’s how Eskimos kiss,’ I said. ‘You want me to rub noses with you for a price?he asked. ‘No not me, I want to introduce you to someone. You’ll like him and he’s very rich,’ I said. ‘Do I have to pay you a commission?’ he asked. ‘No, it’s all yours,’ I replied.

“He asked, ‘Well, what do I have to do with this man, he won’t do anything except blow me or poke me in the butt will he?‘ I said, ‘Don’t worry about whips or anything like that, it’s okay – think, ice cubes.’ ‘Ice cubes?’ he repeated. ‘Yes, ice cubes. Eskimos live in ice cubes,” I pointed out. ‘Okay, I’ll be a good Eskimo,’ he said. ‘Well then, mush Nanook!’ I said.

“Jimmy got his Eskimo and they had a good time.’

Nanook found here