chew on this

Saparmurat Atayevich Niyazov (1940 – 2006) was President of Turkmenistan for sixteen years.

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Foreign media criticized him as one of the world’s most totalitarian and repressive dictators, highlighting his reputation of imposing his personal eccentricities upon the country, which extended to renaming months after members of his family, and recoining the Turkmen word for bread to the name of his mother.

Bread from the Gruesome Body Bakery found here

He renamed the town of Krasnovodsk “Turkmenbashi” after himself, and renamed schools, airports and even a meteorite after himself and more family members. In 2005 all hospitals outside Aşgabat were ordered shut, with the reasoning that the sick should come to the capital for treatment. Physicians were ordered to swear an oath to the President, replacing the Hippocratic Oath. All libraries outside of the capital were also closed, as Niyazov believed that the only books that most Turkmen needed to read were the Koran and his Ruhnama.

Ruhnama found here

Memorization of the book was even required for getting a driver’s license. Niyazov told his people that as a result of a pact made between him and Allah, anybody who read his book three times would automatically go to heaven. Then in 2005, Niyazov launched a copy of it into space for aliens to read.

alien tattoo found here

Niyazov banned the use of lip syncing at public concerts in 2005 as well as sound recordings at “musical performances on state holidays, in broadcasts by Turkem television channels, at all cultural events organized by the state. He banished dogs from the capital Ashgabat because of their “unappealing odor.”

dog found here

In 2008 Niyazov demanded that a “palace of ice” be built near the capital, even though Turkmenistan is a desert country with a hot and arid climate and in February 2004 he decreed that men could no longer wear long hair or beards.

banned

He also banned news reporters and anchors from wearing make-up on television, apparently because he believed Turkmen women were already beautiful enough without make-up. Gold teeth were outlawed after Niyazov suggested that the populace chew on bones to strengthen their teeth and lessen the rate at which they fall out.

order your gold caps here

The circumstances of Niyazov’s passing have been surrounded by some media speculation. His body lay in state in an open coffin in the presidential palace. Mourners and including foreign delegations passed by the coffin in a three hour period. Many of the ordinary citizens were dramatically weeping and crying as they walked, some even clinging to the coffin and fainting, though rumors were rife that they were “forced” to mourn in this way.

tiptoe through the teeth

There are several Luna Parks in different parts of the world as well as one here in Sydney.  Ours has had an interesting history since it opened in 1935.

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Through the years there have been quite a few famous visitors, including a certain Prince Philip of Greece, now the Duke of Edinburgh, who disgraced himself in 1945, while on shore leave, when he was escorted out of the River Caves ride after breaking the rules by getting out of his boat.

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The famous entrance face was designed by Rupert Browne. Luna Park has had several artists-in-residence since Rupert’s reign including Arthur Barton, S. John Ross and the infamous Martin Sharp. During Sharp’s residency, several teeth were stolen from the giant laughing face, the thief was never found.

image: Martin Sharp

In 1979 the tragic fire in the Luna Park Ghost Train claimed seven lives. Martin’s work on the Luna Park Face was ruined, and the park’s theme “Just for Fun” lost its meaning. Like many others, Martin firmly believes the fire was a deliberate act of terrorism aimed at destroying the park and establishing alternative interests. The reason for the arson attack is not hard to discern — Luna Park’s unique location on the northern foreshore of the harbour, adjacent to the north-western tower of the Harbour Bridge, made it a prize of inestimable value to property developers.

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Martin Sharp was also responsible for bringing Tiny Tim to Luna Park where he set a new world record for non-stop professional singing – two hours and fifteen minutes. Tiny was best known for his hit song Tiptoe Through the Tulips which he sung in a falsetto voice whilst accompanying himself on the ukulele.  He was also well known for having married his first wife on the Johnny Carson Tonight Show; they named their daughter Tulip.

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Tiny may have had a touch of OCD, he certainly liked rubbing lotion on his skin. He used Eterna 27, Jergen’s body shampoo, Vaseline Intensive Care (yellow bottle) for his upper torso and Vaseline Intensive Care (green bottle) for the lower half. He applied Oil of Olay 8 times a day.

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grin and bear it

Teeth Shoes found here

When was the last time you applied the principles of dynamic resistance to your facial muscles?

Independent studies show that using Facial Flex for two minutes twice daily for 60 days can noticeably improve skin circulation and muscle tone.

The lightweight, crescent-shaped facial exercise device is placed in the corners of the mouth, where it maintains a constant outward resistance. To use Facial-Flex, compress and release repetitively against the resistance of the dental elastic. This easy-to learn procedure will yield results in no time!

Hitler’s teeth found here

If you’re more concerned with lazy teeth not getting enough exercise you could try Charles Purdy’s device.

As a new article of manufacture, a device for exercising the teeth, comprising a plate shaped to conform to the contour of the mouth and having on each side comparatively deep depressions to receive the teeth, said depressions corresponding in number to the teeth of the user so that each tooth will be seated in a depression, the plate being provided with a member projecting from its front portion whereby when traction is exerted upon said member, each individual tooth will be exercised.

Perhaps it’s too late and your teeth have already fallen out. Don’t throw them away, make them into jewellery instead

Because if all else fails, Dr. McCollum can always measure you up for a new set of choppers in no time at all

fake fashions

Oh the things we do in the name of fashion

In the 18th century it was considered fashionable to wear fake eyebrows made from mouse skin! As mice were caught they were skinned and cleaned and shaped into eyebrows which the well-to-do and fashion plates of the times glued over their real brows. Unfortunately, the heat of the ballroom sometimes caused them to slip.

Rich women seeking rejuvenation for their fading beauty visited Madame Rachel of New Bond Street. She opened her salon in 1863 but was forced to close a few years later when she got in trouble with the law.

“She sold Magnetic Rock Dew Water of Sahara for removing Wrinkles, Disinfecting Powder of the choicest Arabian odours, Chinese Leaves for the cheeks and lips, Astringents and stimulants for rendering the hair Italian brown, Senses of Peace, Vinegars for the Sick Room, Souvenir de Marriage, Maiden’s Keepsake….  She professed in her advertisements to be able to do diverse incredible things

Madame Rachel came undone when she extracted £5,300 from a certain Mrs Borradaile “to make her beautiful forever”. Mrs M was left penniless after signing over everything she had to Madame Rachel and receiving very little in exchange

“On several occasions though, she gave me a cigar. I recollect her giving me one in February of this year.”

Good fake teeth were a prerequisite for any aspiring beauty in the 18th century who suffered from tooth decay but until Pierre Fauchard developed an effective method for attaching dentures many disasters were experienced at the dinner table.

One of his methods stated that artificial teeth could be held in place by tying them to the remaining solid teeth by pivots, using waxed thread or gold wire. He also invented spring loaded dentures which exerted a constant pressure in the mouth. Naturally some muscular effort was then needed to shut the mouth but at least top sets with these powerful stabilisers never fell.

An accidental malfunction of the springs could be worse than inconvenient. The Victorian lady hated to be caught without a second pair in her handbag and a booklet of instructions on how to avoid mishaps.

Then James Gardette made the first springless top set. They were hailed as a dental triumph and he became known as the discoverer of atmospheric pressure in dentistry. You can see an example below of this type of rubberised denture which I found at Black Market Antiques. I particularly like the advertising blurb that went with it.

This is a real set of used false teeth. The dentures are in very good condition, with the obvious damage to the left front tooth, which has been broken out of the plate entirely. These dentures came from an estate, where the former owner no longer need them, primarily due to their death.

These dentures would make a great addition to a dental collection….also can be used for a wide variety of other things.