nursemyra loves testes tests. I like licking ticking things off and compiling lists too. my passion for research knows no bounds.
erectile dysfunction is a distressing malady that affects many men as they age. Penfold, you may consider yourself exempt, but in case DaddyP hasn’t forewarned you this is an all too common occurence after 60.
medical professionals like myself have devised a test to determine whether the problem is physical or psychological
“How is the test performed?
The test is done on three consecutive nights. One cent stamps are bought in a roll*. At bed time a string of several of these are wrapped around the mid shaft of the penis. They are moistened and allowed to form a continuous ring around this portion of the penis. In the morning, the man checks to see if the strip of stamps is broken. If so, this indicates that the shaft of the penis swelled and hardened over night. If the stamps remain unbroken, no nocturnal erection occurred.What is involved in preparation for the test?
The man should request specific instructions on how to prepare for this test from his healthcare provider.”
as your health care provider, nursemyra advises you to (a) travel everywhere with a roll of stamps. rather than licking the stamps (which can cause an unpleasant taste in the mouth), I suggest (b) your chosen facilitator moistens the shaft directly. do not be in too much of a hurry to (c) apply the roll as a pleasing result may be obtained by following steps (a) and (b) rendering (c) unneccessary.
* nursemyra suggests buying the most expensive roll of stamps you can afford. some facilitators are reluctant to assist in tests such as these if they suspect the patient is not sufficiently motivated.
the following stamp has been successfully utilised in past trials and is available from the gimcrack’s Q store
gimcrack hospital (PG) 
The stamp of approval has been tried by the terrible Goddess. Unfortunately she was wearing her Doc Martins at the time and misunderstood the instructions.
This is one of the reasons we are moving to an apartment – so we can be flat mates.
I’m sure if that terrible day should arrive you will be there to offer dextrous philatelic application…
I have no problem with erectile dysfunction myself.
In fact, I am fully erect as I write this.
Furthermore I am actually using my erect penis to type these very words.
DaddyP: once again you skirt the issue
Penfold: just keep up the daily exercises….
Lord Likely: we have to meet. get thee to an airport immediately
This brings a new dimension to the phrase ‘going postal,’ not to mention ‘aeropostale,’ ‘express mail,’ and ‘postal rate increase’
Ah, Lord, but can you hammer tempered steel rail spikes with yours? (he said with a high degree of smug self-confidence) Or, as some of my fellow nationals fron New Jersey are wont to say, ‘I gotjer talkin stick right HEAH!’
Thank you, milord.
And please give Botter a whack for me – anyone who speaks in Cyrillic deserves a good whaling.
Here in the States, the cost of an erection has gone up to 41 cents a stamp. It’s starting to get expensive to be aroused these days.
I should think The Timely Warning would also do the trick. No Erectile Dysfunction, No Pain!
FFF: you can hammer what?? are you part of the Jim Rose circus troupe?
Renal Failure: erections are not an area where you should practise economies. we charge 50c per stamp in Oz
Anaglyph: um… with the Timely Warning, if there is no dysfunction there would most definitely be pain… are you speed reading again 🙂
As a lifelong philatelist (as opposed to the good nursemyra, who I rather think is a phallusitist), my only question is whether the stamps used are definitive or commemorative. Here in the UK, the commemorative stamps (favoured by Mrs Blunt, I have to say) are rather … larger.
We also have some new postage stamps to cover something called the large packet rate. I’ve carried a few of those in my wallet since they were introduced last year, I can tell you. They take some licking, too!
Oops. No it was the double negative that got me. What I meant. of course, was if you DID have a problem, no pain…
And so, injury is not added to insult.
BB: I’m going to add phallusitis to my business card!
Anaglyph: speaking of injury to insult…. did you watch the sbs sex doco “My Penis and I” last night?
I saw it when it ran the first time. I think the guy has a lot of problems, the least of which is the actual ‘size’ of his penis. Sure it was tiny, but I think in his mind he’d magnified it (the problem, not the penis) way out of all proportion…
Some things were really telling – like he’d never masturbated?? That’s a huge self-image problem, rather than a penis problem if you ask me…