drink up

there are a lot of different ways of using coke

 but even the gimcrack’s kitchen would never stoop so low as to serve any of these.

The Coca-Cola Consumer Information Center offers a free packet of recipes including a Mustard Herb Dressing (an Italian style salad dressing made with one-half cup of Coca-Cola), a Twin Cheese Dip (requiring three-quarter cup of Coca-Cola and doubling as a sandwich filling), and Sweet-Sour Cabbage (using one-half cup of Coca-Cola and two tablespoons of bacon drippings).

we prefer to use lard. it’s much cheaper and in an emergency it can be used as a lubricant on the tip of an enema nozzle

a cherry a day

yesterday nursemyra gave advice to her readers on ways to avoid fungal infections. today’s lesson is about eating a balanced diet. my good friends at the Love Shop understand the value of three serves of fruit a day. with the consumer’s health in mind they stock apple, cherry and strawberry g-strings

Erotique Juicy Cherry Crotchless G-string features an amazing piece of lingerie that strikes by its original design. The crotchless sexy G-string allows you to relish penetrative sex and fine access of your favorite sex toys to your sensible genitals. Moreover, the revealing garment is embellished with decorative cherries for more fun and fancy sex party.

Erotique Juicy Heart Crotchless G-string represents a jiggly piece of lingerie designed to awake all your intimate feelings and burning flames of passion. The sexy G-string features a crotchless design for easier penetration during your sex games. Moreover, the come-hitcher charm of the provocative heart applied on this enticing garment is hard to resist.

moving along from the sweet to the savoury, I noticed this site, Asian Vegetable Sex. I didn’t go any further than the front page, quite frankly looking at pictures of girls with yams up their yoni is not really my thing. but I was impressed with the variety of vegetables on offer

Hot Asian girls getting off with carrots, cucumbers, zucchinis, endive, parsnips, grapes, leeks, chilis, and more.

I’m not sure about having a labia full of leek though. I think there would be conflicting aroma issues. nursemyra recommends eating vegetables not abusing them

some people like to play around with food. if they do this in a sexual manner it’s called sploshing. others use sharp knives and ingenuity to combine food and religion. or food and erotica, depending on which altar they worship at

unlike mark ryden, medical professionals like to keep parsnips out of the operating room. there is a strange resemblance to nursemyra in ryden’s portrayal of birth. the sly expression on his matron’s face is the same one I adopt when I get to use one of my instruments…

it’s what’s underneath that counts

we’re experiencing some pretty hot weather here in sydney. it’s a nice time of year to sit in the shade with a cold drink, none of that crazy exercising stuff for nursemyra. I caution my patients about the perils of getting too hot and sweaty as this can lead to nasty fungal infections like candida.

both sexes should wear modest cotton undergarments that are not too tight. your local member of the clergy can often advise you on this. cardinal wolsey recommends the “never shrink” type

I’ve been doing my own research and found some interesting examples of what NOT to wear at Love Shop’s Lingerie for Men. I’d never thought to use the word lingerie when referring to men’s underwear before, but the good people at this site even stock panties for men.

Chase the boredom from your bedroom with Breakaway Briefs! This amazing panties allures and makes your sexual instincts more vivid in a while.

Such access pants will come as a surprise in your bedroom and will be great unexpectedness for your lover.

Party Time After Hours For Him is a gorgeous attire designed to imbue your sexual rendezvous with unforgettable sensations and sensuality.

they stock a cornucopia of delights for the discerning pervert shopper. though I must say the mesh enhancers (above left) did not seem to be living up to its promise to “make you look HUGE!” (you can click on the pic to enlarge it but the package remains rather small) perhaps there had been some mix up with the advertising copy and those words were intended for the leather jock tanga instead………

any readers who are planning to attend nursemyra’s sexual health clinic are advised not to turn up wearing anything remotely resembling a tanga

 

wholesome lubricant for foreskin freshness

click on the image for full effect

nursemyra supports strict hygiene practices, especially when it concerns the genitals. Dr. Wright would like to assure us that the much maligned smegma has a place in sexual pleasure, providing a “wholesome lubricant” between the foreskin and the penis.

A problem arises in collection of fresh smegma in sufficient amount for experimental research. For this reason some workers have used smegma from horses because these animals produce it is large amounts. But despite repeated inoculations of horse smegma into the vaginas of laboratory animals, the results have been conflicting with regard to its inducing malignant disease.

I’ll take the doctor’s word for it that fresh smegma is inoffensive, it’s the stale variety that should be avoided at all costs. so it’s heartening to know that those good people at the Betty Hubbard clinic have patented a handy little appliance*** that eradicates phallic fungi at the touch of a button.

*** recommended by the British Felching Association

latex, corset and fan on a friday

Azahar sent me this lovely fan

boys with large helmets

Survival of the Sickest has so much fabulous stuff in it that nursemyra wants to share. this is what I’ve been learning about epigenetics…..

voles have a gene that determines how thick their fur is. at the time of conception, if the weather is warm the vole will be born with a lightweight coat, but if mama vole is doing the tango in winter, her baby will emerge dressed in thermals and a sleeping bag.

there’s a crustacean who produces cute little offspring in calm waters but if the environment is full of predators, she pops out babies with a large helmet and spines.

the theory is that some genes can be turned on or off depending on external influences. if a particular species of lizard smells a lizard eating snake while pregnant, junior will be born with a bigger body and longer tail than if she had just been smelling the roses.

so far experiments with epigenes has been confined to animals but nursemyra feels there could be advantages for humans sometime in the future. I mean, who doesn’t like a big helmet? and those spiny things that sex shops sell….. what if they were built in?

as for the smelling thing. let’s just say for instance that pregnantmiss happened to catch a whiff of nursemyra. not that I eat lizards, but I have been known to drool at the sight of a large helmet. now if ms pregnant’s epigenes decided nursemyra was predatory then they might give her baby embryo a bigger six pack and a longer tail.

my new role in life….. hanging around fecund women for the good of all mankind

who’s really in charge? **

nursemyra has been reading a fascinating book: Survival of the Sickest by Dr. Sharon Moalem. it’s all about parasites, reproduction, genetics and evolution and is bursting with provocative theories and facts.

the chapter on toxoplasma gondii had me intrigued. this parasite can live in any warm blooded mammal but only reproduces sexually in cats. so how does it get from a mouse back into a cat if it’s horny? when a mouse eats infected cat droppings, T. gondii can manipulate Mickey’s behaviour.

the mouse becomes fat, lethargic and attracted to the smell of pussy. he virtually serves himself up for dinner. so what does this mean for humans?

Professor Flegr hypothesizes that women infected with T. gondii spend more money on clothes and are rated as being more attractive than those who are not. they are more easygoing, care more about their appearance and have a higher level of intelligence than their control group, but are also less trustworthy and possibly more promiscuous.

some researchers (Hatalski & Lipkin) are examing the possibility that genital herpes may affect human sexual behaviour. “…ganglion infection may modulate sensory input to sex organs leading to increased sexual activity and enhanced probability of virus transmission”

in other words, herpes wants you to get some action.

remember the nurse’s advice for her patients? practise safe sex, people. carry a condom at all times. and be extra careful around well dressed intelligent women…..

** hey, for once this is about serious research.

dear nursemyra

nursemyra has never thought of this blog as being particularly subtle which is why, until now, there has been no disclaimer telling irony deficient readers with genuine problems to seek medical advice from a doctor.

but for the third time this week I’ve received mail from hebetudes members of the afflicted public who are desperate to be cured of their various ailments. for once and for all people, I am not advocating the use of this instrument nor do I know anything about reducing scars after branding. but for the gentlemen who thinks

” chicks don’t dig me because im going bald. how would u like to be bald i bet u wouldnt like it at all but i think u know how to cure it”

I do have a bank guaranteed piece of advice gleaned from this most reputable of  sources, Pearson’s Magazine

let me know how it pans out for you mr egghead*

*I’m not being mean, that is the way he signed the email

aristotle advises

nursemyra is often asked by her female patients what attributes they should look for in a man. I usually direct them to this previous lecture but Aristotle has something to add

(do you see three flexible ladies or an old man with thin nostrils?)

When the nostrils are close and thin, they denote a man to have but little testicles, and to be very desirous of the enjoyment of women, but modest in his conversation. But he whose nostrils are great and wide, is usually well hung and lustful; but withal of an envious, bold and treacherous disposition and though dull of understanding, yet confident enough.

(just kidding)

A plump face, full of carbuncles, shows a man to be a great drinker of wine, vain, daring, and soon intoxicated.

A thigh, full of strong, bristly hair, and the hair inclined to curl, signifies one lustful, licentious, and fit for copulation. Thighs with but little hair, and those soft and slender, show the person to be reasonably chaste, and one that has no great desire to coition

He whose legs do much abound with hair, shows he has great store in another place, and that he is lustful and luxurious, strong, but unstable in his resolution, and abounding with ill humours.

nursemyra’s advice for the girls: go for the man with hairy thighs. he might not be good humoured but he’ll be fit for copulation…..

fishing on friday