panting for it

I like my men to go commando. But for those who are not comfortable with airing their testicles all the time, there are quite a few options on the market these days.

Pikante specialise in mesh fabrics and clever designs like these hand job briefs

hand job 

Spandex Men is a website devoted to boys who like to wear… well… spandex….

 Spandex men in swimwear and the benefits of wearing fem style swimwear for man who has a small penis. Spandex men at times are being forced to wear a g-string is a type of humiliation for most men but it has its sexy side too. Most spandex men are into the fetish fun and wear spandex bikinis, thongs and other tiny bits not only for how hot they look but how aroused they get.

egg_sack_bikini

There are also massage pants for men featuring high performance rechargeable batteries for exclusive use, energy and security. These have been around for a while so just click the link through to geekologie if you haven’t already seen them.

It’s not all about the men though. Japanese Massage Slimming Pants are for women. Particularly women with unusual features.

Wear during the day, night & sleeping, wearing for exercise can speed up calorie consumption! Improve the waist lines of the merger movement to speed up improvements to the elephant legs carrot legs and abdomen prominent phenomenon.

Patents have been granted for pants that absorb the offensive smell of farts and there’s even a Sound Muffling Anal Pad patent. If wearing one of these doesn’t appeal you may like to follow the advice at Educated Fart Analysis.

In social situations where the sound of flatulence would be particularly inappropriate a temporary remedy can be obtained by placing a piece of cotton wool or toilet tissue about 4 cm into the anus. If this is done whilst squatting then closure of the buttocks will hold it in place for a considerable period of time. This keeps the anus dry and reduces the velocity of the gas discharge, both of which help to prevent noisy events.

armor_storm


For acute situations, it is recommended to spread the buttocks, so as to stretch open the sphincter while the gas is passed. This is best accomplished by sitting on one buttock, shifting body weight laterally, then putting the body weight on the other buttock. The opening will not snap shut and the passage will be silent. If done incorrectly, however, this may result in a characteristic high-pitched squeal.

netsuke

Published in: on June 4, 2009 at 8:18 am  Comments (27)  

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27 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Interesting. Superheroes wont be the same wearing these.
    Indians specialize in farting by lifting one side up and people do it very-matter-of-factly in meetings and formal dinners too.
    Are there anything like Blue Balls pant (which will cure blue balls, i mean) ?

  2. I wonder if that analysis (heh) of the one-cheek-sneak was paid for with a govt. subsidy–it’s such important work

  3. wow – a ‘how to’ description for delivering a ‘silent but deadly’… meetings just got more interesting!

  4. “In social situations where the sound of flatulence would be particularly inappropriate a temporary remedy can be obtained by placing a piece of cotton wool or toilet tissue about 4 cm into the anus.”

    Wouldn’t my guests be more offended as I pull my pants down to insert said TP in my anal cavity?

  5. Wearing the underwear pictures in the first two photos might also result in a high-pitched squeal.

    By the way, I have read The Things They Carried. Fantastic. But I think Mr. O’Brien has lost his juice.

  6. The guy in the blue thong is “small”? *gulp*

  7. Separate and totally relaxed – the classic silent and deadly! With meaningful looks, which everyone else notices, at that jerk who was winning the argument – – –

  8. Nurse, how do the doctors at Gimcrack ensure that their patients pass flatus with ease? Do they use Flatus tubes?

    • No, we just press heavily on their stomachs 😉

  9. Just got to find my notepad – there’s a lot of useful advice in this post Nursey ….. thanks

  10. These spandex pants – is the purpose to reduce women to fits of helpless giggles and so render them less able to resist male advances?

  11. I don’t recall giving you permission to post my picture. (I’m the guy on the toilet.)

    • Funny Alan..I always pictured you as more of a CLING-ON

      • Hah!

        I’m full of surprises!

  12. I like boxers, the boys in the band like to swing free, but commando is too uninhibited for me.

  13. Everyone is so absorbed in the flatulence issue (which is quite educational, really) that they have completely neglected to notice the appalling lack of hair on the three “male” models. (Mr. Steve Hand Jobs, Blue Balls the Shiny, Hairless Clown and the Storm Trooper Pooper).

    Am I alone in feeling creeped out by men who totally remove their body hair? If I wanted a male with no hair, I’d be a pedophile.

    • I just re-read my comment and I’m disturbed by it. I just want to clarify that I find pedophilia abhorrent, and ditto for hairless men.

      • I’m a big fan of the hairy chest too

  14. Man, I fart all the time. Usually I follow it up with, “Dude, I totally just farted. Sor.” Drives my roommate crazy.

  15. well, as my husband says, “the boys do need a package” as for the flatulence thing, i’m laughing to hard to type!

  16. But what about workout flatulence? I don’t think the toilet paper trick’s going to work there.

  17. I would generally go commando save that I always seem to have one favorite pair of pants that I wear day in and day out. I wear boxers to keep from sweating into my slacks, thus increasing how long I can wear them between washes.

  18. I had to research spandex .. in a professional capacity… my oh my the usages/images where ‘different’ to say the least

    • 70s you should have posted a warning with that link…..

  19. Isn’t sitting on one buttock while lifting the other a dead giveaway that a “silent but deadly” will follow? I’d run for my life.

  20. i think men look better in boxers.
    and i think i’ll get a pair of those massaging “pants” for myself! LOL

  21. About this ‘characteristic high pitched squeak’….

    I always thought that was just the way that James Blunt sounded.


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