how to fly like a witch

In the 15th century, flying witches were believed to be everywhere. It was thought that they achieved this power by anointing themselves with a magical unguent.

The preparation of this ointment was guarded as a precious secret. It was made from the fat of unbaptised children, mixed with soot and the blood of bats.***


Five women charged with witchcraft in 1460 described how the devil gifted this unguent to them. They used it to anoint a small wooden rod, then put the rod between their legs and flew off upon it.


“A man who discovered his wife rubbing herself all over with ointment tied her to the bed with ropes. Still she managed to elude him by changing into a bat and flying off……”


*** you’re not really going to try this at home are you…?

Published in: on June 22, 2009 at 6:15 am  Comments (34)  

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34 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. And all these years I thought that it was all because of some magical vroomstick!

  2. Witches are everywhere ……. thank heavens …..

  3. I suddenly had a mental image of Granny Weatherwax from Discworld rubbing her bits with ointment and now i’m all nauseaous 😦

  4. ‘It was made from the fat of unbaptised children, mixed with soot and the blood of bats.’

    Dammit I’ve just run out of those…

  5. Finally, an export industry we can use all those obese unbaptised Aussie kids in! Nurse Myra’s Patented Flying Cream (Now ENRICHED With Bat Blood!).

    I’ll take a pint.

  6. “…….then put the rod between their legs ….”
    Well, seems easier for men.

  7. My understanding is that belladonna was the “secret ingredient” and that transpiration through the mucous membranes (after poking it up the wazoo with some helpful instrument like the use-smoothed handle of a broom) set off a spooky high. People who have tried belladonna to get wrecked in recent decades have described eerie, weightless sensations and faintly horrific visions that they didn’t really care to repeat. But life was probably pretty slow in the village.

    • “…eerie, weightless sensations and faintly horrific visions that they didn’t really care to repeat…”

      that happened tome just last night…

      • Well, you can get the same effect with too much Spanish brandy

    • Hey, I was going to mention belladonna.

      • We know who the real witches were, don’t we? I think we could cause a hell of a lot of commotion together without having to exert much effort.

  8. I cant help but notice that while th witchy wife was rubbin herself all up wif unguent, hubby was gettin th ropes ready.

    We havnt realy advancd much since th 15th Century, have we?

  9. It’s important to point out that the adorable and chained young lady with the pleasure-stick has an absolutely fabulous hat.

    • you have an good eye for detail inkspot

  10. Hmmm…now I know what makes Juicy Fruit so juicy.

  11. I think they now call it “KY” for short.

    • Liquid Silk. KY will just get you a feeble buzz that makes you think about going to the gynecologist.

  12. The flying witches give the term “morning wood” a whole new meaning 😛

  13. How do you unbaptise someone?

  14. Usually the rubbing of ointments occurs AFTER tying the woman down to the bed, doesn’t it?

    And the ads for Juicy Fruit were right… the taste IS gonna move ya!

  15. Wot? The man ties the woman down 😯

    Bugger !!!

    Me and the Mrs have been getting it arse about tip


    • 😯

  16. There’s nothing hotter than a woman who rubs any kind of lotion all over herself, especially if she does so in front of her man.

    Thomas 🙂

  17. If I was going for witches that rode on sticks of gum, I’d pick Doublemint. At least then you’re getting hot twins.

  18. He tied her to a bed after observing her rubbing ointment on herself? Perhaps she misunderstood his intentions and should have hung around a moment.

  19. I have a theory that in a past life I was a witch’s familiar.

  20. Fat of unbaptised children, mixed with soot and the blood of bats? I believe that is also an important part of Colonel Sander’s secret recipe. Interesting.

  21. *** you’re not really going to try this at home are you…?

    Well Gosh, *Scuffs toe on floor* I thought about it…

  22. I’m certainly going to try the rubbing with ointment, getting tied to the bed bit …. but I’m NOT turning into a bat …..

    • thanks for all the comments guys. My assistant is off on Long Service Leave and I’m working overtime, so replies will be kept to a minimum for the next week or two. But I read and appreciate every hilarious word xx

  23. As a lifetime Pagan, I can attest that the “flying” is metaphorical and comes purely as the result of religious ecstasy, either around the fires or between the silks. As we practice the faith, both can be profoundly spiritual and fantastically pleasurable.

    On the other hand, I’m also into skydiving so maybe my proclivities are outside the norm.

  24. You’ve described my last girlfriend.

    • Time to lift your standards sweetie 😉

  25. I’ve noted several wands in the Pagan community that were smoothly carved in phalluses. I want to be part of their Great Rite.

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