a night in ER

When you’ve just returned from an overseas jaunt and are suffering with jet lag, there are better places to spend a night than the casualty department of the nearest hospital. But when your adult son is crying with pain and making serious inroads into your emergency stash of legally prescribed opiates then you don’t really have a choice.

Things improved once those opiates kicked in. Perhaps I was a little over zealous when I was dispensing them but there were certainly some laughs to be had when we both caught each other admiring the same male triage nurse. I guess my son’s gaydar is better than mine but I could have sworn that wink was aimed at me.

image found here

Australia has a fantastic health care system, we only had to wait a couple of hours and a decision was made to admit J for the night. Explanations were offered before every procedure…

Doctor: “We’re going to take a swab from the back of your throat, it may make you gag slightly”

Opiate affected gay son: “Oh that’s ok, I don’t really have a gag reflex. I was lucky enough to inherit that trait from my mother.”

image found here

Doctor: “As soon as we get your temperature down we’ll move you from the acute section to QE2 Ward”

OAG son: “Well I hadn’t intended cruising tonight but if you insist. Does the triage nurse double as a purser?”


I’ve been back in to see him this morning and he’s looking a lot brighter. The canula was removed while I was there and the usual blood pressure and temperature checks were performed.

Nurse: “The treatment appears to be working, judging by these obs you’re just about normal now.”

OAG Son: “Oh no! I was perfectly happy as a homosexual!”

Then his doctor explained she would be starting him on oral antibiotics combined with Larry’s Fluids shortly.

OAG Son: “But I don’t know Larry, will we be introduced before he gives me his fluids? Wait a minute….. is Larry the triage nurse….?”

image of Larry Johnson found here

Published in: on July 5, 2010 at 6:08 am  Comments (41)  
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41 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Best wishes to your boy, may he make a full recovery.
    I remember reading a theory that the gay gene is passed from mother to son. What makes the son gay makes the mother unusually attractive and fertile, so there’s no overall disadvantage in reproductive terms. You should look into this, Nursie.

    • Ooh I like that theory GB! And I’ve always taken full credit for making him gay. I don’t know where I went wrong with the straight son…… 😉

  2. “I was lucky enough to inherit that trait from my mother”


    • Yeah I was gonna say the same thing—the gag-reflex bit was hysterical…

      Nice work 🙂

      • A hoot. Thanks, I needed that!

  3. Opiates, legally prescribes or otherwise make the world such a shinier, happier place.

    Your son sounds like someone that I would be instantly friends with. I love when you meet someone who is quick with witty banter and jokes! Glad he’s ok.

  4. Nothing like a good sense of humour. I hope J’s much better now. X

  5. Poor triage nurse – he just doesn’t know which way to turn ….. first ….. please give your delightful son a fatherly/motherly kiss from me ….

  6. Thankfully, I now have my own legally prescribed opiates, so Mum’s private stash is safe and sound. And I am on my way to a full recovery. Damn, that’ll mean the end of legally prescribed opiates eventually, won’t it…?

  7. LOL!!! OMG forgive me for laughing at a time like this but i swear this has to be your funniest post to date! Your son sounds like a riot! Hahahaha

    But on a serious note, i pray he will get better soon and that he’ll be able to score with the nurse *wink*…..not necessarily in that order :p

  8. It’s a pity they don’t have a Titanic ward.

  9. It’s such a shame that your return induced such agony in J, perhaps a response to your extended absence resulted in a ‘I need Mum to care for me’ reaction.

    The dear little soul missed you, and now that we’re back I know how he feels!

    Looking forward to those corset photos, I’ll light a fire under Queenwilly and once it’s doused we should have a result.

    The King

    ps get well J, keep taking plenty of fluids!

    • oh yes, I’m looking forward to the release of the French photos too…..

  10. Suspect the staff is considering opening up a “Stand Up” ward, for the patient with the wicked sense of humor! glad he’s on the mend – hugs (and more legally prescribed opiates) to both of you!

  11. I hope J is still recovering well – but what a great post – a true double act!

    • oh he’s a chip off the old block alright 😉

  12. It’s like Paul Lynde has been reincarnated in Australia.

    • I had to google Paul Lynde. And you’re even younger than me RF – how come you know about him? Wasn’t he way before your time?

      • Oh, I used to love Paul Lynde and I’d forgotten all about him ;-).

  13. What an amazing person your son must be. Even under the influence of opiates most people do not exhibit such humor and good cheer when in emergency treatment in the hospital.

    This made me laugh and laugh. I am hoping your son is better now, and back to HIS normal.

    Thank you for sharing him with us!

    • You’re welcome HMH. Happy to share the lighter side of living with a homo 😉

  14. Many thanks for the Ana guesthouse recommendation – loved it. Glad you had a good time and are back.

  15. Secretly pleased that our fine health care setup was on display in this post, a system so efficient and streamlined that patients maintain a breezy, chin-up morale and are out and robust the next day. Australian Health Care, restoring all citizens to full powers of flirtation!

  16. Kkeeerrrrist, Nursie…all that after a gazillion hours travel? Poor you my dove. Tell your son if he ever needs a fag hag / beard, I’ll be waiting in the wings. I am, after all, a homosexual man trapped in a woman’s body. I didn’t belt out any show tunes on our holiday because I know it brings you out in hives, but I swear, I’m channelling Shirley Bassey.

  17. And am I right that all this bonhomie went right over the heads of the medical staff? I always commit rude dry humor (none as good as your son’s) when in the clutches of medical people, and almost none of them ever seem to notice.

    • Actually, they all seemed to get it. Except maybe the triage nurse who wasn’t privy to what we were saying about him. The attending doctor (who was 32 weeks pregnant) asked us to stop making her laugh as we were giving her Braxton-Hicks contractions.

      • Maybe American doctors have more of a stick up their butts. They could hardly have less.

  18. “Oh no! I was perfectly happy as a homosexual!”

    LOL! I’ll be laughing over this one all day!

    I have no gaydar — couldn’t spot a homosexual in the Castro (the center of gay life in San Francisco) if my life depended on it.

    Glad he’s fine, and don’t forget to restock on the opiates!

  19. Glad to hear OAG son is on the mend. It’s good to hear you have such a good health care system. I’m sure that’s a big reassurance at times like this.

  20. Haha it’s good he didn’t lose his sense of humour while ill!

  21. I do remember asking my doctor for his qualifications when I was doped up and waving my exceptionally broken ankle around and insisting it didn’t hurt. Opiates are most wonderful things. When they’re entirely legal of course.

  22. Laughing! OUT LOUD!

  23. hey, send some of those opiates this way. and anyone with a sense of humour like that deserves to get well quickly.

  24. Wow, sounds like a night with my gay friends . .

  25. That was hilarious! I hope your son is feeling better, too :-D.

  26. Glad to see that Cherry is back to being Ripe, (i think i have the name right) and since we’re on the topic i did loads of yard work and am feeling a bit sore and under the weather, worse i’m out of my illegally obtained “vitamins”, any chance of posting me some? in america our health care sucks and they think we’re all drug addicts. 😉

  27. Oh you 2 are funny. I do hope your son gets better soon. I would have been winking at you nurse 😉

  28. Well they say humour is the best medicine, and its certainly true in this case. glad the young-un is feeling better /O)

  29. […] the rise and fall of Corset Fridays, the problem I had with a cyberstalker, my son’s health issues…… […]

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