how about these puppies?

a couple of weeks ago I mentioned that one of my coworkers has been attending a fertility clinic. today she announced the good news that a little gimcracker is on the way and also asked if nursemyra had any pertinent advice.

as an advocate of breastfeeding I asked nurseincubator about the state of her nipples. a thorough inspection revealed pale tipped rosebuds of the inverted type. this is not really a problem, nature will most likely provide a pleasing popout effect when the time comes. we then had a conversation about ice cubes, pasties, nipple rouge, clamps, piercings and foreplay before we remembered there was an embryo present and a couple of constipated clients awaiting enemas…..

I think nurseincubator will do just fine in the breastfeeding department so let’s keep Dr. Dewee’s advice between you and me:

starting in the seventh month, a pregnant woman should suckle a young but sufficiently strong puppy to toughen and accentuate her nipples to prepare for the future assaults of the child

nursemyra’s nipples are always at attention so just for a change I might decorate them with “A kind of new and stylish product” from our old friends at sz-wholesale. tassles are nice too. I wonder how much practice this manouvre takes?

 

 

the mouse or the rubber?

we’ve had trouble before with rodents at the gimcrack. I have the pest controller’s number on speed dial so I can get him on site before the health department makes a visit. but my recent interest in superstitions is making me wonder if perhaps I’m being too hasty because mice apparently have miraculous medicinal properties.

did you know for instance that cooked mice can cure bed wetting, measles and whooping cough? and whooping cough is making a comeback these days. if mouse fricasse is not to your taste, pop a nest of them in a pouch and hang it round your neck. of course if the pouch is not properly ventilated, the mice will probably die. that’s ok, don’t throw them away just yet, a dead mouse stroked against your cheek will alleviate toothache.

dentists don’t want you to know this but it’s not only mice who are threatening their livelihood. next time you find a mole, unscrew its paws and put them in that newly vacated mouse pouch. go outside and dig a burial hole for your dead mice and pawless mole then stand beside the open grave for a while. not only will this banish your toothache forever it will also cure you of any pesky incontinence issues.

of course, nursemyra does not really advocate cruelty to animals and I’m not convinced that there’s been a proper double blind study to prove these theories. as some of my best friends are dentists desperately in need of new luxury vehicles and weekends in las vegas I wouldn’t want to be the cause of them missing out on any of life’s little necessities.

sometimes people are reluctant to visit the dentist because they fear there’ll be pain involved. nursemyra advises them to find one that offers party drugs medical gas or even hypnotism. the mobile dentist who comes to the gimcrack specialises in both.

many practioners these days make use of the dental dam. not everyone likes the idea of a piece of rubber or latex stretched across their mouth, yet another reason for phobias of this type. you can request full anesthesia if you feel gas or hypnosis won’t calm you sufficently. just drop by the gimcrack and make an appointment. nursemyra’s got plenty of rubber……

demon interference

nursemyra is still researching superstitions and this time it’s all about material.

Tying a knot in a handkerchief to remember something signifies a very ancient belief that that the knot was a charm against evil. Any demon nearby will be so intrigued by the shape that all thoughts of interfering with you will go from his head. 

well I don’t want nearby demons forgetting to interfere with me so I’ll just continue to write my reminder notes on my hand.

Any young girl anxious for a husband should get a garter worn recently by a married woman and put it on her own leg.

I’ve never been anxious for a husband but if I had one to be anxious for I’d probably seek advice from “the unusual booklet” Watch Your Husband

a girl who puts valerian in her underwear will prove irresistible to men. It’s believed to be lucky for a bride to be married wearing no underwear beneath her wedding gown.

ok I get the no panties thing so maybe just a bra. you have to have somewhere to stuff the valerian. and this is a holiday bra! it would be perfect for that cruise mentioned in “the unusual booklet”

remember to be careful when you’re blowing the bra up, you don’t want to hyperventilate and pass out. maybe tie a knot in your handkerchief to remind you…..

stick some radium up yo’ ass

renalfailure offers a precious encouragement post every week so I have taken a leaf out of his book after discovering this 1930s marital aid from Home Products.

From the company’s brochure: Weak Discouraged Men! Now Bubble Over with Joyous Vitality Through the Use of Glands and Radium “. . . properly functioning glands make themselves known in a quick, brisk step, mental alertness and the ability to live and love in the fullest sense of the word . . . A man must be in a bad way indeed to sit back and be satisfied without the pleasures that are his birthright! . . . Try them and see what good results you get!”
All Home Product customer orders were shipped in a plain wrapper.

and it’s splendid for piles! another cure to add to my arsenal…..

the thing about friday…..

….. is that mostly I have to take my own pics for corset fridays. so I was trying to get a shot of my hair in this week as I have some pretty bright streaks that match this corset. it didn’t really work so I’m posting two today. just put them together in your imagination, ok?

nice netsuke

here’s a bit of light relief to counter all the posts about faeces, urine and holes that people drill in their heads.

and if you’re new to the gimcrack, just type netsuke into my search widget to see more examples of this exquisite japanese art form

golden reflections

we see a lot of urine at the gimcrack as it seems to leak out of some of our patients in a never ending stream. luckily nursemyra is not responsible for mopping it up though occasionally I do have to collect some for pathology.

I like this 1880s invention  found at the sex machines museum as it has the added advantage of showing you exactly where your golden shower is originating from. very handy for drug testing Bruno.

they also have a very pretty vibrator from 1910. I’m not sure if it actually vibrates

though I think if anyone could get it working it would be this Mistress of the Bazookas. even nursemyra wouldn’t dare stand in her way if she wanted to borrow a few of the gimcrack’s instruments…..

 

 

yippee it’s friday

I feel quite nostagic about this outfit. I wore it out to dinner in New York in September 2001. underneath something else of course.

usually I take these shots myself but my son’s boyfriend was lazing around on the couch when I got home this afternoon so he took this one. he’s just completed a week long Kahuna Massage course so he’s used to seeing partially clad women.

piling it on, not snorting

haemmorroids are common. there are lots of different causes but my old friends at gutenberg have this to say:

The most common cause of all, however, is constipation; and persons of indolent, sedentary and luxurious habits of life are the ones most frequently affected with this derangement. The following are also prolific causes of piles, viz.: pelvic tumors, violent horseback exercise, indigestion, pregnancy, habitual use of drastic cathartics, diarrhea, dysentery, sitting on heated cushions, long-continued standing posture, diseases of the liver, worms, the wearing of tight corsets, eating highly seasoned or indigestible food, and the use of alcoholic stimulants.

a form of treatment is strangulation of the pile by means of a ligature, and this is often more painful than the application of hot irons, inasmuch as in cutting off the return flow of blood from the piles, a large tumor is left for days fully distended. It does not slough off for a considerable time, and we have seen the strongest men suffer intensely, to whom the use of scissors in removing the tumors was a positive relief.

Fortunately for suffering humanity, a method of treatment has been perfected and thoroughly tested in our institution. This consists in bringing down the tumors, cleansing them and making application, of certain chemical preparations, that cause the tumors to speedily shrivel up, and disappear entirely. These treatments and applications cause no pain whatever, for by first applying a weak solution of cocaine to the parts they are speedily rendered entirely insensible, so that the most sensitive, nervous lady experiences not the slightest suffering.

now I know there are some readers who, after reading this, will fear the loss of casual corset friday. I’d like to reassure them that nursemyra has not yet succumbed to a life of indolent, sedentary and luxurious habits so there will be a corset shot tomorrow.

(wouldn’t mind a spot of horse riding though)